Friday, July 15, 2011

Healing (14) A problem with food and eating

Something is missing: is it in the fridge? Wombtwin survivors have a vague but prevailing feeling that something is missing. The person has no idea what this is. It may seem to be lost, in which case one must search for it, it may seem to be simply lacking, in which case it must be compensated for.
The desire to compensate for this vague, missing presence becomes translated into a variety of irrational and unaccountable behaviours. A good example is addiction to food. A person experiences a sense of something missing which feels a bit like hunger or emptiness. In an attempt to heal this, they eat. Eating does not fill the emptiness, because it never had anything to do with food. Its just that the empty feeling is very similar to hunger and is easily confused with it.

Womb twin survivors often say that they are searching for something but they don't know what it is. One place they may search is in the fridge. Whatever is in the fridge, it will not compensate for what is missing for this is a person, or more specifically a very close intimate and intuitive relatinship with another person. The best ' fix" for this empty feeling is chocolate. and we all know that the drugs in chocolate include Phenylethylamine, which some people say imitates that nice satisfied feeling of being in a close loving relationship.
Wombtwin survivors don't do "alone" very well. If they feel abandoned by the very people who ought to be there to comfort and accompany them, they will resort to comfort eating to fill that emptiness. Wombtwin survivors are wired for a twosome, and just can't cope with being lonesome. They stay home, get more and more alone and upset and just eat. Eating doesn't do it, because the problem never was about food in the first place.
Wombtwin survivors often feel angry for no particular reason. This is a very particular form of anger that is more like hate than wrath. They carry a distant impression of Someone else who was there but who went away and abandoned them. In their anger they feel hurt and in their hurt they feel abandoned. In the loneliness of their abandonment they eat. In their eating they begin to hate themselves, as well as anyone who has ever abandoned them.
Wombtwin survivors are secretly afraid, and they feel ashamed of their fears because they seem to be without foundation. This kind of fear can become attached to eating too much and getting fatter and fatter. This is a cause of anorexia. The fear may be of certain kinds of food which must be vomited or purged from the body. Way back before birth there were two tiny people feeding side by side and one of them vanished. The survivor got the whole lot and this, coupled with a strong sense of survivor guilt, makes wombtwin survivors feel guilty about food.
Some wombtwin survivors are perpetually frustrated, as if their life is devoid of meaning and direction. "There ought to be more to life; there is something missing" they say. That missing vital spark would bring energy, life and joy but it is gone - their wombtwin. People who are bored, eat. It passes the time in an empty day. it is a sign of an empty and meaningless life. Wombtwin survivors chose not to live a full life. They "pass the time."
On the other hand, some wombtwin survivors are perpetually busy. They need plenty of fuel for the life they have chosen to live. They are so busy rushing about they easily become exhausted. Food is need for fuel, and high carbohydrate foods are best to get them through yet another busy day. Rather than rest, these wombtwin survivors need food as fuel for doing more work. They find low calorie diets very hard.
Clearly food is an important aspect of the wombtwin survivors life, but it is being used symbolically. Used appropriately, food replenishes worn-out tissues, provides energy for life and bulk to keep the digestive tract healthy. Used inappropriately, food can cause medical problems such as digestive discomfort, skin disorders, skeletal problems, obesity and adult onset diabetes.
Where these medical problems arise, a change of diet can set them right, yet again and again the sufferer breaks the diet and returns to their old unhealthy eating plan. All womb twin survivors have difficult stuff with food, which may vary from a mild preoccupation to an utter obsession. Normal, healthy eating is very difficult for some womb twin survivors to maintain.


  1. My WTS son is the opposite, he has a very uneasy relationship with food, he feels uncomfortable around it and always has since birth. Feeding him has been a real struggle. Why do you think this is?

    Thanks for your interesting post.


  2. It may be worth considering the possibility that some foods make him feel bad physically. Intolerance to food is quite common. I haven't done any research to see if it is more common among womb twin survivors than the general population, but it may explain why he feels uneasy.