Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Healing (25) Towards more autonomy

Womb twin survivors are not very good at self sufficiency. They tend to be dependent on other people for various things, such as practical skills, encouragement or human company.
Now that you have sent your womb twin into the light and begun the process of waking from your Dream, one thing that you will notice at once is that you are now on your own, and your womb twin has gone. Yet this kind of “being alone” is not the same as being lonely or abandoned. This strange new sensation is in fact autonomy.
In your mind you have been sharing with your life with your womb twin and in a sense putting your life on hold for them. There is no need to do that now. You have been underplaying your talents and sitting in the sidelines, burdened with a sense of privilege at having so much. There is no need to sit on the sidelines now.
Now your womb twin has gone, you have inherited all the psychological space that you have put aside for them. Now you can get into the mainstream of life and put all your talents to use. You now have available all that psychic energy that you have been diverting into maintaining your Dream of the Womb. No more fighting an uphill battle: its all downhill from now on.
Autonomy is the ability to consciously exercise your right to make active choices. Being passive is a conscious choice but it is the kind of choice that leaves you stuck, unable to grow or develop.
Active choices can now be made, because allowing personal growth is no longer a risk. When you were re-enacting the Dream you had to behave as if you were your own beta twin. Now you can claim your Alpha power and get a grip on your life.
“Being willing” may have seemed like a self deprecating servile kind of obedience to the will of others - a kind of self debasement.  Now you have regained your Alpha power you can see that actively choosing to be willing - ie. consciously deciding that you really want to serve the needs of others, is not servile in the least. It is altruistic and admirable behaviour which requires great strength of character.
Do you live in a pace in your mind where you are small and insignificant, and nothing you do, say or believe has any effect whatsoever on the world and the people in it? If so, you are in a delusion of insignificance. If you are going to be fully autonomous, then you will have to recognise that you are noticed by others, and your opinions is valued.  Awakening from this delusion to the truth of your significance in the world can be most uncomfortable: it will require you to see yourself as others see you.
Whatever you may have chosen to believe, the truth is you DO exist, and you are NOT invisible. Therefore while you have been trying hard to be insignificant people have seen you as a weak character, easily lead and biddable. They have noticed that you have given your power away to others. Above all it will be clear to them that you do not beleive that all your actions and inactions have consequences.
Trying not to be autonomous distracts you from the truth that you are part of the human family, and by this I mean not just your relatives but the whole human race. The human being is a social animal and depends utterly in the presence of other humans. The health of any society directly impinges on every member of it and the activites of every person has an effect on the health of society. In your attempts to remain invisible and of no account, you have forgotten this.
The problem is that you have become closely identified with your Beta womb twin, who may have been very insignificant indeed, only having lasted a few weeks or so. You have adopted beta characteristics such as following others or never taking the initiative. You have turned away from your true identitiy of being an Alpha survivor out of a combination of identification and survivor guilt. You have become a “false Beta.”
If you find yourself stuck along the path to awakening, then you are stubbornly refusing to change. Stubborness is an Alpha characteristic, because you are imposing your own will on the situation to control it. A true Beta twin would agree at once that changes ought to be made and take advice from an Alpha twin (who hopefully had no delusion of insignificane) about how to heal. That Alpha twin would say:
“Take charge of your own healing: only you can heal yourself.”

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