Thursday, September 22, 2011

DZ survivors : a surrogate twin

For a DZ survivor, the best surrogate twin is someone of the same sex as the twin who died, and someone of similar age.  A parent of the same sex may do very well in infancy or early child hood, but quickly, by the age of 3 or 4, the need is for someone of a similar age, and that means a Best Friend.

Many womb twin survivors try to make their parents into their best friend (and vice versa), particularly if either or both parents are also womb twin survivors. Then the child may act very mature while the parents acts very immature, so that can meet on common ground.

The upshot of this attempt to keep the Dream of the Womb  alive is that no one is being their authentic self and in particular, no one acts their age - and no one finds what they are looking for.

Margit says this:
I was the first born child,  I grew up fast, could walk and talk at a very young age and looked older than my age.  I had imaginairy friends and spent a lot of time alone.  At school I never deeply connected to anyone.  I had friends, but it was always love/hate and no relationship ever gave me the feeling of that deep connection I was looking for... kind of the search for the other half of me.

It is so very important to realise how we reenact the Dream in relation to each other, as we make fruitless attempts to restore the missing twin bond.  But if we keep the Dream live, we remain unborn and un-formed as individuals.

This is from the free e-book: Womb Twin survivors - an introduction
I need to know you; yet I am not seen
I see you there but you do not know I exist
I ache for you in compassion that you cannot know my love
I ache for me in self-pity that I can never know your love.

We are innocent, you and I;
Caught like phantoms in a web of something alien and on the other side of time
Yet ever present:
Eternity in a matrix and in a world-wide web.

Yet here in this desert there are two of us waiting:
Here in desolation we each will wait, in our own bubble of loneliness.
Who will be the first to grow so, so large
That the bubble will break and the new and alien world will gush in?

Never! For if to grow is to leave you, then I will not grow!
I will stay true to you and remain here at your side.
I will be with you always; I will BE you always; in you I can come to be.....
To leave you now, to grow into something new
Is to leave you here alone.

A voice is calling me to wholeness but I will not hear it!
Love is pouring over me but I will not drink!
There is a light; I can see it but I will not leave this safe and perfect darkness.
For you are here, my strength; my rock.

Do not be afraid - I will be here always,
Ever faithful in the darkness with you,
Even until the end of time.

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