Thursday, November 03, 2011

Healing Narcissus: is there a way forward?

A wonderful couple in Australia, Steve and Kim Cooper, have worked at narcissism in their marriage and have got the the point where they are still together and Steve, the one who is the most narcissistic, is no longer bullying his family, lying and acting irresponsibly.

Follow their story here

They had a long interview on blog talk radio with the author of "You might be a narcissist if....." and it was clear from what they said that, far from being the kind of condition that cannot be cured so the best thing to do was to leave, in fact things can get much better.

It was at that point, with so much good news,  that I began to believe that there was after all, a way forward for the narcissistic womb twin survivors who were coming to me in increasing numbers, and in great distress and need.

I'll let Steve Cooper tell his own story:

and this is what he wrote about his story (see here)

Song of the Male Narcissist

When I said that I would leave you  I meant "Don't let me go"
and instead of saying yes to you I said "I'll let you know."

I put myself above you so you'd think me some great prize
and blamed my faults upon you all because of my false pride.

So I know you have good reason for complaining like you do
because I never really thought of you, just 'to mine own ego' was I true.

But the truth is I'm embarrassed for how badly I've behaved
and for being such a coward I really am ashamed.

Cause I don't want you to guess how helpless that I feel
and that I don't know how to save you even though my love is real.

There is so much I have to learn and if you're needing proof
just look at how I twist and turn and struggle with the truth.

I cannot be your hero  and I don't always understand
and really I just want you to see  the child within this man.

I'm so scared that you will leave me  when you see my acts a sham
and that I gave up long ago on being loved for who I am.

I need a guiding hand in life  and need you to be strong
I need you to be virtuous and let me tag along,

set me goals I can achieve  and praise me where you can
not for the act - just for the steps  I take to become a man,

cause I still have tantrums like a baby and think I must get my way
and I don't know how to listen  and I haven't learned to pray.

So love and please don't leave me and help me learn to get along,
but stop crying and getting angry cause it's really you who's strong.

To make me feel bad won't change things  cause I'm already wracked with shame.
and sometimes you must say "no" for me and kindly say my name,

and if I'm being brutish you must make me face the law
You must show concern with courage if you want my heart to thaw.

Cause I won't respect a victim and you won't beat me at that game
and if you really want to tame me you can't be scared of public shame,

cause it will take men with integrity that I squarely have to face
you see I'm craving a strong father  and you'll never take his place.

And I'm trying hard to trust you which I don't know how to do
and I hope you can forgive me and I hope that we're not through

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