Sunday, April 15, 2012

Womb twin story: I had a dermoid cyst removed

I had a tube and ovaryectomy last week, after several weeks of diffuse pain and sub-febrile temperatures the week before.  Despite that, no inflammation was found, but a dermoid cyst. Back home, I started reading about it and was deeply impressed and overwhelmed: a lost twin?

Was that why I led my life always looking for others to feel good and acccept rarely getting my needs fulfilled by them?  Feeling increasingly alone and not belonging to this world?  Thinking about death as a friend?

Being attracted by the same type of partners - desastrous co-relationships with the deepest feelings of love and tolerating to be smashed on the ground by them, up and down all the time, helpless, eager for harmony and no way to manage it?

Not able to demand respect for my own needs and feelings, but struggling to fulfill their wishes to keep away from conflicts and being left?

 I'm just at the very beginning of dealing with this issue, but I feel it's true for me: I lost my twin.  It seems that it wanted to get found by causing pain and fever in order to protect me now that I really NEED protection. I feel it says: listen to your intuition, your instincts, find yourself inside and stop making the same mistakes again and again.  Go your own way now, you've never been alone!  This all after 51 years.....

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