Saturday, December 15, 2012

Womb twin story : his twin was aborted

I found out when I was in my mid-twenties that my mother tried to abort me. My twin was aborted but somehow, unfortunately, I lived. I wish it would have been the other way around.


 I hate my life and can't wait to go home to be with Jesus. Being a Christian has helped sooth my pain somewhat but I am still subject to deep depression and suicidal thoughts when I experience rejection from loved ones and even potential employers. Today, I was in the midst of writing a suicide letter to my wife and four adult kids when I decided to do an internet search about surviving twins who live through an abortion. The description I found about the feelings, habits and behaviors fits me exactly. I decided to postpone the suicide letter and continue researching surviving twins in hopes of finding help and renewed hope.

My situation is surreal. My adult son and wife are in the room with me and have no idea of what I am going through or that I started a suicide letter. Over the last few days, I have been making suicide plans and feel that I am getting much closer. I can't sleep at night and when I do the dreams are about writing a suicide letter.

I had two all out suicide attempts in the past. I took a bunch of sleeping pills when I was in high school after my girl friend broke up with me. I woke up vomiting up the pills and the suicide attempt failed.

The second attempt occurred several days after my nephew committed suicide. I was caught up in the new age movement and believed in re-incarnation back then. I was tripping on acid one night and became jealous over a perceived intimate relationship between my girl friend and another friend. I don't think anything was actually happening but my paranoia and fear of abandonment was magnified by the acid. I decided I wanted to leave this "plane of existence" and go to where my nephew was.

I decided to crash my motorcycle into a cement pillar on the freeway. I threw away my helmet and drove as fast as I could into a cement pillar. I hit the pillar doing 110 MPH but my handlebars only clipped the pillar and I rolled across 4 lanes of oncoming traffic. My bike hit a tree and broke it. I didn't die but all of the skin on my back was scraped off and I fractured my wrist and neck.

God had another plan for me but I didn't meet the real Jesus for another 5 years. I had a severe heart attack in 2007 and since have lost my will to live.

We lost everything in the economic downturn including our business, our home, our savings and retirement accounts, our cars, our insurance, our credit, etc. We have been living on social security, food stamps and income from the sales of personal possessions. We managed to keep our bedroom furniture and 1 TV.

We have been unemployed most of the year but my wife just got a new job today. Hopefully, things will begin to turn around financially.

I am thankful to find out that my depression and feelings of inadequacy and suicide are normal for abortion survivors. I hope to find a lot of answers during my research. I am so paranoid of sharing my feelings with my wife and family because I can't handle another rejection...especially with information this sensitive.

Please pray for me. I believe the Lord led me to this and other websites about abortion surviving twins.

A poem by an abortion survivor

2 comments:

  1. You are in my prayers. Continue to examine and find out what your wombstory is. It will free you of many things, because "you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." Search for the truth and - no matter how difficult - choose to live.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am praying for you, too. I understand 100% what you are going through, because I, too, made a serious suicide attempt several years ago. I understand the blackness and despair you feel. I have been there many, many times. Are you seeking medical help of any kind? I urge you to do so, if you haven't already. I have acute anxiety and sleeplessness and I am on several medications and they are helping. Things are far from perfect but they are better. Keep logging on to this site, you have many friends here. We are like a large, loving family. You are loved and understood among us, unconditionally. There is so much info on the internet now on wombtwin survivors, you are bound to get a lot more insight and help. Keep writing here, one of us will be there to answer you. Know that you are loved and cared about.

    ReplyDelete