Saturday, August 03, 2013

Story 3 : In my dream my brother is dead

There is not much of a story now, just vague ideas and dreams. Four years ago, just when my first and only child was at the age of me maybe having a second kid, I started to have dreams of my mother without any emotion, telling me "your brother is dead".

 Each time I was terribly afraid, that something could have happened to my two years younger brother. But it did not.

One year ago, I had a hard time in my job with stress and disappointments and fell into depression.

Some weeks after I started psychotherapy I had a body-vice intense daytime fantasy: I once had a twin brother and I terribly miss him. On first sight I decided that one's brain could produce nonsense like that if your stress level is too high.

Now, one year later, this topic weaves into my night time dreams. One night I dreamed, that my mother (who is over 60 now) is having a baby. A cute blond girl, called Anna. Me, my brother and my sister went to the hospital to see the baby. After that I read a goodbye letter from my parents to Anna's non-born twin-brother Martin.

A few days later I dreamed about people who lie bleeding and nearly dead on a street I pass on a bus ride. And although these people were adults I knew that they symbolize non-born babies. Thinking about the topic at daytime causes intense body reactions.

So I concluded, my lost twin brother could at least be a very intense symbol for my inner processes.

When I, driven by curiosity, googled on the topic, I was very astonished to read that there is a rather high probability that my fantasy is not totally nonsense. And that there are other people who have some kind of prenatal memories. So I decided, that I can't prove Martin's short existence, but I can nevertheless honor him by grieving and remembering his story.

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