Well, we did it. Thirty people, nearly all of them wombtwin survivors, gathered together in a room and shared stories. Magic. An amazing sense of kinship. I enjoyed it a lot. Exhausted but very happy today, and grateful for all the help and support.
I have put some comments here that were made at the end of the day.
I put this post here so anyone who was there can say how it was for them, and what comes next. If you weren't there, tell me what you would have liked to see. Thanks.
Althea
When a twin dies before birth, the sole survivor needs help and understanding. Womb twin survivors are the sole survivors of a twin or multiple pregnancy. This group, 1 in 10 of the population, includes survivors of a stillbirth, miscarriage, abortion and a "vanishing twin" pregnancy. It is a story of a twin bond broken by death, leaving a lonely survivor.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
The rage of the identical wombtwin survivor
Anger and rage are destructive forces. They destroy relationships, property and lives. However, this is not a blind force. It is something over which we can gain control.
This disconnection from the “Point of Essence”, or centre, is much more painful. By cutting yourself off from your centre and purpose, you spiral into an abyss. The sadness is overwhelming as darkness and fear over come you. You shrink and disappear within yourself. This is your Dream of the Womb.
Some can go from a deep depression into a rage where they lash out in such anger that they don’t care who they hurt. The message is strong; "I want the world to feel my pain!"
The rage goes back to a direct expression of prenatal rejection. It is not the mother who rejects, but the twin, simply by not being there any more. Typical responses to this feeling of rejection and betrayal are to collapse into helplessness and hopelessness, to rage at others and the world's injustice, and/or to refuse to engage in life.
The rage at prenatal rejection leaves not so much a feeling of being rejected by the twin but as a desire to reject any other relationship - which can only be a poor substitute for the original twin bond - to reject love and intimacy in relationship, purpose, choices and mastery in life.
The rage is a useful barrier that renders the survivor neglected, hurt, helpless and alone. It is a deliberate and calculated choice, because it neatly recreates the Dream of the Womb,
At an emotional level, the rage is a terrified, abandoned and desolated response to the Black Hole, where a promise of light and love was originally made. That bright promise of the twin bond (the closest bond available in nature) was not fulfilled, leaving only a darkness :- a sense of lack, loss and emptiness.
This rage acts crazy but is not crazy. It can be understood. It is a rage against Nature; against God; against the Way Things Are. Life is simply not acceptable - not bearable - without one's Other Half. Like Narcissus, who lived until his early death in rapt contemplation of his reflected image, ignoring love and life, the identical survivor is like a zombie, only half-alive.
To heal the rage one only has to wake up to the warm reality of born life: that you are surrounded by love, by people who wish to be your friends; that no one is trying to hurt you; that the pain is yours and not being inflicted upon you. The longer you fail to forgive, let go and surrender peacefully to the way things are, the longer you will live in pain and alone.
You are creating your pain and only you can heal it by simply forgiving the hurt.
This disconnection from the “Point of Essence”, or centre, is much more painful. By cutting yourself off from your centre and purpose, you spiral into an abyss. The sadness is overwhelming as darkness and fear over come you. You shrink and disappear within yourself. This is your Dream of the Womb.
Some can go from a deep depression into a rage where they lash out in such anger that they don’t care who they hurt. The message is strong; "I want the world to feel my pain!"
The rage goes back to a direct expression of prenatal rejection. It is not the mother who rejects, but the twin, simply by not being there any more. Typical responses to this feeling of rejection and betrayal are to collapse into helplessness and hopelessness, to rage at others and the world's injustice, and/or to refuse to engage in life.
The rage at prenatal rejection leaves not so much a feeling of being rejected by the twin but as a desire to reject any other relationship - which can only be a poor substitute for the original twin bond - to reject love and intimacy in relationship, purpose, choices and mastery in life.
The rage is a useful barrier that renders the survivor neglected, hurt, helpless and alone. It is a deliberate and calculated choice, because it neatly recreates the Dream of the Womb,
At an emotional level, the rage is a terrified, abandoned and desolated response to the Black Hole, where a promise of light and love was originally made. That bright promise of the twin bond (the closest bond available in nature) was not fulfilled, leaving only a darkness :- a sense of lack, loss and emptiness.
This rage acts crazy but is not crazy. It can be understood. It is a rage against Nature; against God; against the Way Things Are. Life is simply not acceptable - not bearable - without one's Other Half. Like Narcissus, who lived until his early death in rapt contemplation of his reflected image, ignoring love and life, the identical survivor is like a zombie, only half-alive.
To heal the rage one only has to wake up to the warm reality of born life: that you are surrounded by love, by people who wish to be your friends; that no one is trying to hurt you; that the pain is yours and not being inflicted upon you. The longer you fail to forgive, let go and surrender peacefully to the way things are, the longer you will live in pain and alone.
You are creating your pain and only you can heal it by simply forgiving the hurt.
Saturday, June 07, 2008
The new book
Well, I did get the proof copy and I HATED the cover!
Then my son came and gave me a hand with it and together we transformed it. I will send it to Lighting Source on Monday and that ought to be that. The great thing about print on demand is the proof copy. When I held it in my hand I knew that it was too dark, too gloomy. This is a difficult story for many to tell, but the whole point of the project is to bring light and healing into the picture, and this is what we have done: Linda Beth's great image of the Silent Cry is now picked out in white and that little yellow centre - the tiny embryo buried in the dark placenta - is now pulsating with light and joy.
Do you like it? I do. Amazing what happens when you move away from the darkness into the light.....!Read more here.
I have moved publication to June 30th and it will now cost £9.99. The ISBN will be 978-9557808-0-6, but it's not on Bookdata yet.
Just a couple more days to wait and this project wil be done. Then it's look out world- here come the wombtwin survivors with their amazing story!
Just one little quote I keep near my heart. This isn't in the book but I will put it here so you blog readers can see how wonderful the wombtwin work can be.....
Thank you so much for your wonderful work, and I pray for others embarking on the journey that they will have the deeply spiritual experience that was mine. I will always remember you for what you have brought to me.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Wolfgang Priklopil- wombtwin survivor?
On reading an article about Natascha Kampusch, it struck me that I may have some useful ideas about Wolfgang Priklopil. This story sounded oddly familiar.
The mystery of why Natascha Kampusch was held captive for more than eight years in a cellar owned by Wolfgang Priklopil will never be fully solved, since within hours of Natascha's dramatic escape on August 23d 2006, Priklopil threw himself under a train, was decapitated and died.
I believe the idea is worth exploring that Priklopil was a wombtwin survivor. In keeping a young girl close to him, in the cellar of his house, he may have been re-living his Dream of the Womb. Natasha could have been his lost twin, restored to him and held close in secret.
In my new anthology of wombtwin survivor stories, due to be published on 30th June 2008 under the title "A Silent Cry," survivors of an opposite-sex fraternal twin pregnancy have described how they have sought after their lost twin sibling in other opposite-sex relationships.
The "Dream of the Womb" is a jumbled and incoherent complex of vague pre-birth memories, which are re-enacted constantly until fully interpreted and understood. Wombtwin survivors can become over-dependent on their "surrogate twin" - be this a parent, friend, spouse, partner or indeed captive.
In the case of Priklopil and his captive, is there any evidence that this may be true? Is it possible that the eight-year drama, lived out in a tiny cellar, was a re-enactment of Priklopil's Dream of the Womb?
Firstly, they are remarkably alike, and despite the age difference, they could pass for fraternal twins.
Secondly, Priklopil had a difficult but highly-dependent relationship with both his mother and Natascha. This paradoxical kind of relationship - " I hate you - don't leave me" - is common among wombtwin survivors.
Thirdly, he had no other women except Natasha and his mother in his life - this is a sign that the fantasy world in which he lived was more important than any adult sexual relationship. Once Natasha got to be an adult at 18, it all changed. Natasha herself has said that it seemed as if "her master" didn't not want to "leave the womb" and be adult himself.
But Natascha did want to leave: truly born again, she is now fully in the world and taking it by storm, by all accounts. The man who was once her " Master" (was he the Alpha twin to her Beta twin in their secret, shared fantasy world?) is now revealed for who he truly was: a weak, anxious perfectionist, totally dependent on his captive little girl, whom he abused terribly and yet could not live without.
If this is a correct interpretation, then in Priklopil's Dream of the womb is his tiny Beta female twin who did not manage to survive. In the womb, he - the larger, stronger Alpha twin - dominated over his little sister, took away her space, her oxygen and her nourishment until she just faded away and died. There are strong echoes here of a dark cellar in Austria.
Tragically, there is a strange kind of redemptive justice in the end of this tragic story, for he, who was once the dominant one, is now cast aside and dead, while she, the once-submissive captive, is now triumphant and very much alive.
References
Hayton A (Ed) "A silent cry: wombtwin survivors tell their stories", Wren Publications 2008 (to be published June 30th)
Boklage CE. (1995) "Frequency and survival probability of natural twin conceptions." In Keith LG, Papiernik E, Keith DM, Luke B (Eds.). "Multiple Pregnancy: Epidemiology, Gestation & Perinatal Outcome" (Parthenon Publishers, New York) pp. 41–50.
The mystery of why Natascha Kampusch was held captive for more than eight years in a cellar owned by Wolfgang Priklopil will never be fully solved, since within hours of Natascha's dramatic escape on August 23d 2006, Priklopil threw himself under a train, was decapitated and died.
I believe the idea is worth exploring that Priklopil was a wombtwin survivor. In keeping a young girl close to him, in the cellar of his house, he may have been re-living his Dream of the Womb. Natasha could have been his lost twin, restored to him and held close in secret.
In my new anthology of wombtwin survivor stories, due to be published on 30th June 2008 under the title "A Silent Cry," survivors of an opposite-sex fraternal twin pregnancy have described how they have sought after their lost twin sibling in other opposite-sex relationships.
The "Dream of the Womb" is a jumbled and incoherent complex of vague pre-birth memories, which are re-enacted constantly until fully interpreted and understood. Wombtwin survivors can become over-dependent on their "surrogate twin" - be this a parent, friend, spouse, partner or indeed captive.
In the case of Priklopil and his captive, is there any evidence that this may be true? Is it possible that the eight-year drama, lived out in a tiny cellar, was a re-enactment of Priklopil's Dream of the Womb?
Firstly, they are remarkably alike, and despite the age difference, they could pass for fraternal twins.
Secondly, Priklopil had a difficult but highly-dependent relationship with both his mother and Natascha. This paradoxical kind of relationship - " I hate you - don't leave me" - is common among wombtwin survivors.Thirdly, he had no other women except Natasha and his mother in his life - this is a sign that the fantasy world in which he lived was more important than any adult sexual relationship. Once Natasha got to be an adult at 18, it all changed. Natasha herself has said that it seemed as if "her master" didn't not want to "leave the womb" and be adult himself.
But Natascha did want to leave: truly born again, she is now fully in the world and taking it by storm, by all accounts. The man who was once her " Master" (was he the Alpha twin to her Beta twin in their secret, shared fantasy world?) is now revealed for who he truly was: a weak, anxious perfectionist, totally dependent on his captive little girl, whom he abused terribly and yet could not live without.
If this is a correct interpretation, then in Priklopil's Dream of the womb is his tiny Beta female twin who did not manage to survive. In the womb, he - the larger, stronger Alpha twin - dominated over his little sister, took away her space, her oxygen and her nourishment until she just faded away and died. There are strong echoes here of a dark cellar in Austria.
Tragically, there is a strange kind of redemptive justice in the end of this tragic story, for he, who was once the dominant one, is now cast aside and dead, while she, the once-submissive captive, is now triumphant and very much alive.
References
Hayton A (Ed) "A silent cry: wombtwin survivors tell their stories", Wren Publications 2008 (to be published June 30th)
Boklage CE. (1995) "Frequency and survival probability of natural twin conceptions." In Keith LG, Papiernik E, Keith DM, Luke B (Eds.). "Multiple Pregnancy: Epidemiology, Gestation & Perinatal Outcome" (Parthenon Publishers, New York) pp. 41–50.
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