Sunday, May 29, 2011

Being a womb twin survivor (3) The birth of disappointment

Expectation is the father of disappointment.  That is, when you expect nothing you will never be disappointed.   But going through life expecting nothing to happen, expecting nothing from anyone, feels like the darkest kind of despair. It feels as if because you don't expect things to happen, they won't happen.  There seems to be a deeply held belief that the very ACT of expecting causes things to happen.  But that is complete nonsense : you dont make things happen, they happen anyway.  But to a womb twin survivor expectation  feels like hope - and hope, we are told, does not disappoint.

Some womb twin survivors are control freaks - that is, they think that everything that happens is caused by them, so they keep active. as if they alone keep the world alive.

But what would your Dream of the Womb be like, if you truly were the only person in the whole world (of the womb, anyway but that is all you knew at that time) who was capable of autonomous action? What if no one responded until you moved, twitched or kicked them into some kind of response? You would be master ( or mistress) of the entire universe. Then everything would be your fault, your responsibility and  created by your pwn expectations. We constantly recreate the Dream, every day of our lives, until we fully understand why we are doing it. Then we can wake up.

But living like that, in the Dream of the Womb, where  your expectations drive the whole world, one is doomed to perpetual disappointment.  We cannot recreate the womb scenario in born life - we try but it never works.

We have to let go of the Dream. Then we  can live with real hope, knowing that we don't run the world. And what a relief that would be! 

This book tells you how to do that - how to let go of the Dream.  Try it.

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