It is very important that you recognise your womb twin as someone separate from you. He or she was a real little person - an individual. You will never be able to let go until you have grasped this. If you continue to insist that there is a “part of you” that some how controls how you feel and behave, then you haven't quite got it. You are not divided into “parts” at all. You are one complete person and your womb twin was also one complete person, albeit very tiny and perhaps not very well developed.
Your womb twin had a very brief life and an untimely death. The story of their life is tangled closely with yours. You have identified with it totally to the extent that you believe that your womb twin is “part of you” and their story is your story. Not so. Your story is that you developed from embryo into foetus and then into a born baby. You have known a born life whereas your womb twin's life was lived out in the womb. Your womb twin’s story is very different. You know a lot about it because you have been re-enacting it every day of your born life.
By now. I hope that you have made yourself an expert in embryology, and have found out as much as you can about the first fifty seven days of life. Also you may need to know about the ways things can go wrong and why your womb twin was probably doomed to die. Somewhere in that knowledge there will be clues to what your womb twin was like. My book can help - there is a lot of information about this in Womb Twin Survivors.
There may be other clues For example, if you collect crisp packets and plastic bags your womb twin probably disintegrated almost entirely after death until only the papery sac remained. If you are haunted by a fear of abandonment, then your womb twin was probably miscarried. If you are greatly troubled if you get no response out of people then your womb twin was probably largely unresponsive.
The real, authentic you
If you seem to have several selves available for you to live out, then you may have several womb twins. You may have a clever self and a stupid self. You may have an organised self and a chaotic self. The “other self” is none other than your womb twin.
Out of time
When you were a developing embryo - and even when you graduated to being a fetus because you had a skeleton - you had no idea about time. The memories you carry of the happenings in the womb are very vague to start with and to make matters still more confusing they seem to be happening all at once. So your womb twin is both alive and dead, both there and not there. Timelessness is a crucial factor to consider when unravelling the story that lies within your Dream of the Womb.
Place your womb twin in history
One important way to make things straight in your head is to put together the life story of your womb twin and work out the sequence of events. Work out the date of conception and the date of death. Imagine yourself left alone when your womb twin died. Imagine what new relationship you would have made with the strange, silent object that hung in the womb beside you that was once your womb twin’s body but had become a formless lump.
Your womb twin was your first-ever friend. You got to know one another in the closest and most intimate space you can imagine. This took place at a time when your brain was still developing and you were hypersensitive to every nuance of what was going on. As a result your attachment to your womb twin is unequalled by any other relationship since then.
In your searching and yearning for that attachment to be rekindled, you keep your womb twin alive in fond hopes and impossible dreams. No other relationship will ever match the one you had with your womb twin, but you can begin to explore the relationships you do have and see what is to be gained.
Nothing can exactly replace the relationship you had with your womb twin, but you can obtain different things from different people. You can replicate that intimate sisterly or brotherly closeness with a good friend; you can discover that intuitive, empathetic connection with other womb twin survivors.
Your partner cannot be your sibling or your best friend, but he or she can be a lifelong companion, which is more than your womb twin could ever manage to be.