Monday, July 25, 2011

Healing (24) The love of equal sharing

Exploitation happens when someone takes out of a relationship more than they put in. Sharing quickly becomes exploitation if it isn’t equal. Only in the love of equal sharing is there complete justice, balance and harmony, and it is a wonderful experience when it works!
The love of equal sharing takes effort but the rewards are enormous. The model for this kind of love is the intense, responsive, highly empathetic and intuitive relationship of hypersensitive awareness that exists between womb twin in their short time together. If you can duplicate this style of loving in your born life, it will bring you great happiness.
The love of equal sharing requires that everyone is treated equally and considered of equal worth. To maintain this attitude you will have to think carefully about the effects of your personal beliefs upon others. For example if you decide you are not worth as much as another person then there can be no love of equal sharing and you will deprive yourself and the other person of a wonderful experience.

The love of equal sharing requires that everything is kept in balance between the two people but of course this cannot be upheld perfectly in every second of every day. If you anticipate that the other person will reciprocate sometime soon, or if you anticipate that the chance will arise for you to balance things out sometime soon, then the balance can be maintained.
Often called “give and take,” this kind of flexibility forgives those moments of imbalance between you, which are of course inevitable. Some wombtwin survivors become excessively worried if things are not entirely reciprocal all the time and tend to err on the side of caution and continue to put far too much into the relationship. This is all well and good, but the other party is left saddled with a burdensome sense of obligation. This may be so intolerable as to put a distance between you and that is the end of the relationship.
To maintain the balance of the relationship through those times when it all seems to be give and no take, you have to draw upon your ability to trust. Wombtwin survivors, who have known broken promises and disappointed expectations, are not good at trusting other people.

Power games
The love of equal sharing never works while power games are being played. Here are just a few examples:
  • I am a victim is a game where you throw your power away to anyone who cares to pick it up and use it against you. Stand up and complain if you feel victimised and the love of equal sharing will quickly be re-established.
  • “I am No. 1 is another silly game where you insist that you are the only person with any power around the place and anyone else who dares to use their power must be rendered totally powerless.
  • You are too pushy is a manipulative game where anyone who uses their power is made to feel guilty for using it.
  • “I don’t mind is a game where you pretend to be “easy going” but in fact you are delegating all the power to the other person.
  • Yes dear is a power game played by husbands who delegate all power to their wives and then make their wives feel bad about using it.
Mutual respect
The love of equal sharing requires that there should be respect on both sides: by this I mean that not only must the two parties respect each other, but they must also respect themselves. Without self respect there can be no real loving relationship whatsoever, let alone a love of equal sharing!
If you are unable to find respect for yourself it is unlikely to that you respect anyone fully. Without self respect, you will not be able to take up and use 50% of any relationship. Without self respect you will not be able to allow the other person to give you the love and respect that you deserve. If you do not allow this, then you will leave then rejected and hurt. That is not a good basis for a loving relationship.
The love of equal sharing is a 50/50 relationship of shared respect, where you love the other person as much as you love yourself. That means that only 50% of the love goes to them, the rest is for you to keep.
That may seem far too selfish, but think of this: if the other person wants to give you love as much as you want to give love to him or her, how can 50/50 be anything other than completely fair and loving for both of you?

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