Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Dizygotic (DZ) womb twin survivors - born grieving (and thoughts on 9/11)

Dizygotic (DZ) womb twin survivors are the children who suffer an unexplained melancholy; who find it hard to deal with the death of others, particularly family members or very dear friends.

Death and mourning
This womb twin type is characterised by emotional intensity and a concern with death. This is not at all surprising if we consider that the formative experience is of being in a very intense, intimate relationship and the first learned experience is of death of the Other. In later life DZ womb twin survivors
will inevitably be confronted with death or loss once more and at that point the hidden memory of loss will be triggered. The most traumatic bereavement for a DZ womb twin survivor is the death of a person or animal with which they have had a very close bond and intimate  relationship. Faced with this "Oh, no! Not again!" experience they may find it hard to cope without some emotional support and seek help. Bereavement counselling is of great value to  DZ womb twin survivors. In the private intimacy of the counselling relationship they are able to grieve intensely. It may not be death that does it: divorce, disability and redundancy are all losses that can trigger deep distress, despair and depression.

I was writing this blog when an email came in telling me about a new post written by Monica, who runs the US blog. This was timely, because it is about death. It uses the metaphor of the destruction of the twin towers in New York (where Monica lives - she saw the towers burn and fall...)  to describe the feelings of the womb twin survivor.

I have put it in the stories section of my web site, so it doesn't get lost among the hundreds of posts on this blog. But here is a taster:

Imagine a world where 9/11 happened and nobody paid attention or cared.  It just happened and then it was no longer happening and nobody was affected but you.   And every Sept 11 you had to put on your birthday hat and smile to fool the world you weren’t dead inside, unable to articulate because there was nobody to hear.  You had to be the keeper of this memory inside and if you ever said a peep, others would look at you strangely and think you should be over it by now while judging you for being affected in the first place.  Now imagine those same people invite you to their dog’s funeral so you can witness a tree-planting in a dog’s memory and you must comfort their loss and not mention 9/11.  This is the life of a womb twin survivor and we thought it was normal because we knew no different.

Read the whole story here. 

Thank you, Monica!

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