Saturday, November 26, 2011

A healing path (5) no worst: depression

Depression has been well described:  here are words by Gerard Manley Hopkins, who obviously experienced the feelings of depression himself. 
No worst, there is none.
Pitched past pitch of grief,
More pangs will, schooled at forepangs, wilder wring.
Comforter, where, where is your comforting?
Mary, mother of us, where is your relief?
My cries heave, herds-long; huddle in a main, a chief        
Woe, world-sorrow; on an age-old anvil wince and sing—
Then lull, then leave off. Fury had shrieked ‘No ling
ering! Let me be fell: force I must be brief’.    
 O the mind, mind has mountains; cliffs of fall
Frightful, sheer, no-man-fathomed. Hold them cheap 
May who ne’er hung there. Nor does long our small
Durance deal with that steep or deep. Here! creep,
Wretch, under a comfort serves in a whirlwind: all
Life death does end and each day dies with sleep.
(Gerard Manley Hopkins (1844–89).  Poems.  1918.)

Clearly from this poem death features largely in depression.  People who are depressed say they want to die, or at least feel already dead but still alive, like a zombie. Womb twin survivors often tell me they are trying not to die and have been trying to die, but trying not to die, all their lives, living out an inward struggle for life and death.

Here is the Black Hole, the Dream of Hell.  Here is the death of your womb  twin, and your desire to join them in death.  This is the kind of greif that destroys your own will to live.

Here is a movie made by Twin Loss New Zealand..... "Pitched past pitch of grief...."

The lovely music for this u-tube movie was used in the film "Eagle Eye"
Jerry Shaw (Shia LaBeouf) is a Stanford University dropout who lacks direction and faces financial difficulty. He finds out that his more ambitious twin brother Ethan, an Air Force lieutenant with expertise in parallel algorithms and quantum electronics, was killed. Following the funeral in January 2009, he goes to withdraw some money from an ATM and is surprised to see that he has $751,000 in his account. When he returns home, he finds his apartment filled with a large number of weapons, explosives, and forged documents. He receives a phone call from an unknown woman who explains that the FBI will apprehend him in thirty seconds and that he must escape.............(more)
If you find the death of a twin hard to watch in a film or in a book, then here is your Black Hole  reawakened, and into it you fall ...... that is why it's so hard.

But there can be hope, comfort and healing.... the book is emerging, slowly......

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