Sunday, January 29, 2012

When a twin dies - the sole survivors speak of endless grief



The death of a twin is the death of half of yourself. The grief is endless and it seems it can only be healed by dying and joining one's twin in death.

I say "it seems" but this is not entirely true. There is a way through this grief.

 There is a healing path for sole surviving twins, I know it. I am writing the book. It is for womb twin survivors, but twins who lost their co twin in adult life can benefit from the same ideas.

If you have real memories of your  twin as a living persons, then  is that better or worse? Is the healing path different? I dont think  it is a matter of better or worse, for grief is grief, whatever has been lost.  As to the healing path, yes I think that the pathway through greif is the same for everyone and that healing can come.

I am in the earliest stages of writing and  I am spending a lot of time sorting out the dozens of stories I have been offered for inclusion.   Here is one that illustrates why parents should tell their children so they don't have to spend years wondering about some "secret knowledge".
I recalled being 51/2yrs of age, playing outside on a Sunday, late afternoon, and all of a sudden feeling very alone; frightened and cold.  I ran home and still felt alone, although my Dad was there.  I couldn't explain to him how I felt, so I didn't and he didn't ask.  I always felt that there was something that everybody else knew but they wouldn't tell me.  I always felt that there was pain and loss attached to me but I couldn't put into words.  I didn't have the words to ask the questions I felt inside.
 
I was made to feel special but I felt guilty and never knew why I felt guilty.  The fact that I was born with 'Club Feet' clouded the issue really.  For many years I thought that my feet were the problem.  But I don't think, and haven't thought that, for a number years.
 
I look at my life and relationships.  I have wonderful friends that I have had for many years and I do feel loved by them.  My most difficult relationships have been with my Mother and Sister.  I've never felt as close to my sister as I felt I should be.  Between Mum, me and Bernadette, I felt a huge gap.  Something(?someone) was missing, I felt unbalanced and insecure because of it.             
 
I welcome comments about this - is the grief felt by a twin-less twin, who lost their twin in childhood or adulthood, the same as the grief of someone whose twin was stillborn or lost in pregnancy? Research seems to suggest that the grief of a womb twin survivor is more complex, as often the twin is not known about, because many parents feel it is better not to say anything about it. 





2 comments:

  1. i to am witting my own story and will hopefully submit it to you eventually maybe not before you publish, but the more you think about it the more you intimately remember and makes it more real you can deal over time with grief and all things related but only twin-less twins will always till they past try to reconnect to their twin/s and i would like as i am an only child and when i was told i had a half sister was no surprise to me but kept pushing the issue till i was told i was twin so as far as i seem to think depending on how self aware and the more interaction you have with Ur twin before they sacrifice their life to save yours, is how self aware you will be when you are born as I have been writing stuff down since I was 11 but only incoherent babble for those who read this I have learned to trust in yourself if it feels wrong the moment you think (in your stomach) it don't do it if you are driven to know or want something and you don't get that feeling in the stomoch pace yourself you will achieve it

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  2. Thank you for your comment. There are plenty of other chances to get your story online! I need lots of stories for the stories pages on my web site, and they also need them for the Womb Twin web site. We can't have too many! Also in April this year we are going to hold a Womb Twin Stories Month on the Womb Twin blog. We will need 30 stories for that! So do go ahead and send your story to me, and Ill make sure is goes somewhere! We do all the editing and it would be anonymous to protect your privacy. How about it?

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