The death of a twin is the death of half of yourself. The grief is endless and it seems it can only be healed by dying and joining one's twin in death.
I say "it seems" but this is not entirely true. There is a way through this grief.
There is a healing path for sole surviving twins, I know it. I am writing the book. It is for womb twin survivors, but twins who lost their co twin in adult life can benefit from the same ideas.
If you have real memories of your twin as a living persons, then is that better or worse? Is the healing path different? I dont think it is a matter of better or worse, for grief is grief, whatever has been lost. As to the healing path, yes I think that the pathway through greif is the same for everyone and that healing can come.
I am in the earliest stages of writing and I am spending a lot of time sorting out the dozens of stories I have been offered for inclusion. Here is one that illustrates why parents should tell their children so they don't have to spend years wondering about some "secret knowledge".
I recalled being 51/2yrs of age, playing outside on a Sunday, late afternoon, and all of a sudden feeling very alone; frightened and cold. I ran home and still felt alone, although my Dad was there. I couldn't explain to him how I felt, so I didn't and he didn't ask. I always felt that there was something that everybody else knew but they wouldn't tell me. I always felt that there was pain and loss attached to me but I couldn't put into words. I didn't have the words to ask the questions I felt inside.I welcome comments about this - is the grief felt by a twin-less twin, who lost their twin in childhood or adulthood, the same as the grief of someone whose twin was stillborn or lost in pregnancy? Research seems to suggest that the grief of a womb twin survivor is more complex, as often the twin is not known about, because many parents feel it is better not to say anything about it.
I was made to feel special but I felt guilty and never knew why I felt guilty. The fact that I was born with 'Club Feet' clouded the issue really. For many years I thought that my feet were the problem. But I don't think, and haven't thought that, for a number years.
I look at my life and relationships. I have wonderful friends that I have had for many years and I do feel loved by them. My most difficult relationships have been with my Mother and Sister. I've never felt as close to my sister as I felt I should be. Between Mum, me and Bernadette, I felt a huge gap. Something(?someone) was missing, I felt unbalanced and insecure because of it.