Thursday, April 12, 2012

Womb twin story: my twin sister was born dead

I was born at six months, a fraternal twin female. My sister was born dead. The doctors assumed she died from the cord around her neck a few days before birth.  I was born second, rife with toxemia and labelled a fighter at three pounds four ounces in weight.

 I didn't walk until age two but when I talked I went from nothing to full sentences and went on to become gifted and accelerated in schooling and very strong physically.

All my life I felt different from others, and could identify with sadness easily. I realized I was always empathetic towards others to a great degree, and sensitive to others distress. I used to save the little kid on the playground, then get depressed when the big kids went after me instead after the "rescue" and then not understand why I was so sad.

Years later,  aged 16, I was applying for my social security card and I noticed I was a "multiple birth" category on my birth certificate in writing. When my mother told me I was a lone twin, I burst out into tears immediately in the office, because that explained so many feelings that I had had all my life.

My mother was embarrassed in that public office by my reaction, but I felt delivered for finally having an answer to everything deep inside that I had been experiencing up to that point.  The sense of not fully belonging, of missing something, a vague sadness, a need to cling, very nostalgic for what was, when very small, etc.

Now I work as an EMT, in helping others and I still feel I'm not living well unless I help others in that way. I am very content. My sister is buried in an unmarked box with a number. One day I will try to research exactly where and then visit her to pay a visit in her memory.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry for the loss of your twin sister and the hardships that ensued throughout your life. You demonstrate so many of the qualities that all of us share as survivors. It's interesting how you mention you saw the box on your birth certificate checked as having a twin. I remember all my life how I hated seeing that "single" box checked off on mine, because I knew deep down that I was NOT truly a singleton, but because my twin died in-utero, there was no visible evidence. I hope that your journey into our family of survivors brings you lots of new information and the peace and happiness that you deserve.