Friday, June 29, 2012

Adopted - I was abandoned twice in two momths!

When a womb twin survivor is born, there is already in the back of their mind a deep sense of having been abandoned by their twin. Then, they are abandoned again by their own mother. Now not all adopted children are womb twin survivors, but those for whom adoption is a second abandonment find it particularly hard:

This is a quote from another web site: 

For me the fact of adoption still echoes with such questions. There is - I have no other description but one that sounds cliched - a sometimes deep empty place, a hole into which I fall in times of personal stress. I deal cautiously with people; I am friendly but reserved. A fear of abandonment, I was once told, a fear of rejection, of death. It flairs up unbidden, the slightest of things innocently said nonetheless strikes deep in my being, momentarily overpowering my thoughts. It can be very hard on the people I love best and it contributed to the breakup of my first marriage. All of it comes from knowing that in my earliest moments, they who should have loved me best gave me up to others.

I expect that this man is a womb twin survivor, which would account for his strong feelings about abandonment rejection and death.

The knowledge that one is a womb twin survivor can help greatly with overcoming any bad feelings that arise from knowing that you have been adopted.

1. The feeling of abandonment was always there and would still be there even if your mother had kept you.

2. Resentment is also a characteristic of womb twin survivors who have not yet done the womb twin work. If you do the work, it will help enormously to enable you to forgive your mother.

3. The fear of death is you identifying a little bit too much with your own Beta twin.  You can read all about it here:

Were you adopted? It is a problem for you?

Let me know. Maybe I can help. 

1 comment:

  1. This makes me very sad, for i gave a child up for adoption many years ago. We reunited 5 years ago, and we talk on the phone often. He had assured me he has no resentment or anger towards me, because his adoptive parents were wonderful and explained that he was given up to have a better life that I was unable to provide at that time. I was also lucky enough to have been allowed to send gifts and cards for birthdays and Christmas. That way, he knew he was truly loved. Ironically enough, I thought this child may have been a wombtwin survivor. I had many indications, looking back, that that may have been the case. However, at that time, with no medical insurance, very cursory care was given. Also, there wasn't much knowledge of vanishing twins yet. I talked with my son about it, and he doesn't particularly feel that he had a twin, but I still feel that he might have. Anyway, I always feel sad when an adopted person feels abandoned by their birth mother. I have met many adoptees over the years that harbor a lot of anger and resentment towards their birth parents. Most of these people were adopted during the 1950's and 60's, where records were sealed and no information was available, sometimes forever. I think that is a very dangerous thing, especially where familial medical conditions are present. Anyway, I often have tried to counsel some of these souls and tell them that their birth mothers no doubt loved them dearly but had no financial ability to take care of them. Perhaps they were too young, or had emotional problems. I hope that all adopted people who are having issues dealing with abandonment, and especially with "double abandonment", get some help dealing with all of this. I say to them, please know that you were loved so much, that your mother made the ultimate sacrifice so you would have a good life. God Bless all of you.