Sunday, June 17, 2012

Suicide - are you pro choice?

This article is written by a man with Bi-polar disorder.  many womb twin survivors have bi polar disorder.

I would like to know what you think as a womb twin survivor . What does suicide mean to you?

This is the article:

Every single day I think about the time I tried to kill myself. It is one of my strongest and most detailed memories.

I mention it in passing in my talks as if it is just a point of reference, but it has a profound impact on my every thought. I have not heard the bipolar or depression world debating pro-choice vs. pro-life suicide, but it is an internal debate that I often have myself. I wonder if others have had similar thoughts?

My debate is further colored by the suicide of my best friend Santiago. I think about his hanging himself every day, and the effect it had on everyone around him. It is another memory that is so strong it could have just happened. It too has a profound effect on my every thought.
 The other day I was showing a visitor around San Francisco and he brought up suicide when we drove by the Golden Gate Bridge. He asked how many people have jumped off (over 1,200 so far) and whether they have put up a barrier yet. I found myself sharing my internal debate and chose to take the pro-choice side.
As you can imagine, telling him that I am pro-choice freaked him out. He wondered how I could take such a stand and used the argument I have heard more than any: Suicide is the most selfish act; it emotionally destroys everyone that is left behind.
My answer shocked both of us: The fact that you can’t handle your emotions does not give you the right to dictate my life! If it did, would you have the right to take my life because I made you angry? It seems that the most selfish act is demanding control of my very life to satisfy your emotional needs.

I shared my own suicide attempt and how devastated I still am about Santiago. I also shared my pro-life arguments. He had not really thought much about either, but found them interesting. Not so much, though, that the topic didn’t move on to other things as soon as the bridge was no longer in view. We were enjoying the beautiful sites after all, not debating the meaning of life.
I, on the other hand, have been mulling over the opposing points of view in my head and find it interesting that I can hold both perspectives as equally valid. Considering how the abortion and assisted suicide debates are so polarizing, I imagine there are some pretty strong views about suicide amongst the mentally ill. How can I be pro-choice when I know that at the time I didn’t think I had another choice to make? If I could make a rational choice, would that make it OK?

My father-in-law has late onset muscular dystrophy. His brothers all deteriorated to the point that they were kept alive in a state that he feels was cruel. He had a great life and is wanting to reserve the right to choose when it has gone too far. In his case, I am very pro-choice. If you advocate treating mental illness the same as physical illness, should we not see mental illness suicides the same?
These are incredibly difficult questions to ponder. Some would say that it is not healthy to do so and prefer to sweep them under the table. I am afraid that doing so means we never gain the understanding that may save (or respect) lives. If we can sort it out in our own heads, perhaps we can better help others to make rational decisions about their own choices. Perhaps we can come up with better pro-life arguments than “what about those you left behind.”  I know in my case that argument would have had the opposite effect: it would have made me feel even more alone.

I wonder if Tim Wooton would think differently if he realised he is a womb twin survivor and went on to heal himself by doing the womb twin work? Do we have that "better argument?" What do you think?


  1. I tried to commit suicide in December 2008 with a large overdose of sleeping pills. I planned it carefully for seven months and had the timing down to where I thought I would die peacefully and without the possibility of anyone intervening in time. When I awoke in the emergency room of the hospital eighteen hours later, I was furious that I had survived. Right before I choked down all those pills, I sat on the edge of my bed, sobbing, and talking to God. He was literally next to me, I felt His presence. I told him I couldn't take it any more and I wanted to go be with him and the twin sister that I was sure I had before birth but never had proof of. Twelve days later, home from the mental hospital, I went online and found the vanishing twin websites and then this site titled Wombtwin Survivors. I have logged on every day since. There is a reason for everything. God did take me with him that day, and held me closely to protect me. My sister was also there. All the answers I had been searching for were at my fingertips shortly thereafter. I know that a lot of people don't get second chances. I am very glad I survived. But I don't consider suicide a selfish act and I never will. It is the last-ditch effort of a desperately unhappy and alone-feeling person. We must treat all suicide victims (and survivors) with the utmost of respect and love.

  2. I am also glad you survived! I am so happy to know that this blog and the womb twin survivors web site helped you when you needed it so badly. That is wonderful to hear! Keep logging on, there is a lot more information to come!


  3. This is a very important issue, I believe. Before I knew I was a wombtwin I thought about suicide several times, tried thinking of the perfect way to do it, but was afraid to actually go ahead and do it. Because it was said to be selfish, it added to the guilt I already felt. After I knew I was a wombtwin the thought occasionally came up, but I fought it and chose life. Though at times the choise to be with my twins and in heaven seemed to take the overhand, until I reminded myself again that I chose life. Today I want to live, I chose to live and I want to die at the time that is set for me to die, not before by my own choise. But because there is a longing for the coming life after I die, I am not afraid to die. Because I know how it feels when you are at that point in life where you want to end it all, I will never judge it and I am not upset over it if somebody does succeed other than feel a lot of grief. I know the place where this person now is, is much better and being reunited with your twin must be fantastic. Whether I am pro-choice or pro-life? I don't know. Let's just say I am pro-eternal life. Don't die without knowing God and what He did for you, sacrificing His Son so you can be free of all accusations, all guilt and find healing.