Saturday, November 03, 2012

Lost without you! Vanishing twin syndrome

How old were you when you were told about your twin?
I was 55 years old and worked it out for myself, for my mother was dead by then.

Some parents wait a very long time to tell their child!

I found this story in hub pages:

Vanishing twin

I am writing this hub just to bring attention to something that is near to my heart. I was a twin. In my mother's womb I shared everything. The space I lived in, the nutrients I consumed, and the Mother who carried me. My Mother lost my twin four months into the pregnancy.
I was 40 before my Mom told me I had a twin.


Which in my case, made complete sense. I have never felt whole my entire life. Even when I met my husband, I was happy but not complete. I always felt like I was waiting on something? I felt lost, inadequate. Don't get me wrong, my child-hood was happy, I had three siblings who I love very deeply. But out of the four of us, I was the only left handed child, they all gave me a hard time about that. I was never a success in a career, even though that fact is due to life and having four children of my own.
So i started doing a little research on the subject. I found out that at least in one study, 80% of all twin pregnancies result in the loss of 1 or both babies. 80%! Wow! Other studies show that 30% of all twin pregnancies involve a vanishing twin.The figure isn't exact as the vanishing twin is not always diagnosed as one.
Apon further research, I found a couple of web sites dedicated to twinless twins. Lost twin syndrome, vanishing twin. also womb twin survivors. What has helped me is just knowing that I'm not actually crazy! Well.. some would argue that point, however I found that most twinless twins felt the same as I did. So what are the causes for such a terrible occurrance? We may never know? There many studies on going. If you would like to read more on this topic please visit the followingsites; www.wombtwin.com, www.twinlesstwin.org
It is really heart breaking for me to think of my vanishing sibling. Did my body take away the nutrients my twin needed to survive? Could be? I may never know. That fact may cause the guilt I feel sometimes for just being alive. It is an unfortunate fact of life at least for me.
I can't help but think, how much I too have missed out on in my life? Feeling like a whole being. The perfectly content feeling of smiling, playing with, and loving my twin. I wonder sometimes what would have been like? If it was a brother or a sister that I lost? How would you feel if you were me? Would you feel the way I do? Lost, like something was missing. Thank you.

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