When I was driving across the state, I was searching for something or someone, and that something or someone was at my birthplace. Then another revelation hit me. My driving to my birthplace and my obsessive work on my family tree, which always brings on depression, was to search for my twin. All of a sudden my depression, my anger, my fear, my guilt and my pain diminished. What a fantastic release!
But what would my mom say? It took me a couple of weeks to work up the courage to ask her. She vehemently denied that I was ever a twin or any type of multiple. She additionally said she would never keep anything like that away from me. Then she became very angry that the physician would put such thoughts in my head and accuse my mom of not knowing her own body. After this came the worse part, the ridicule from my siblings, which continues to this day. They call the naturopathic physician the “Zombie Doctor” or “Doctor Voodoo.” So I’ve kept my mouth shut, but my brain says this is the answer.
I decided to do some research on the computer. The logical starting place was to search the terms “vanishing twins” or “disappearing twin.” This brought up many hits for “Vanishing Twin Syndrome.” However, it also came up with the terms “wombtwin” and “wombtwin survivor.” And this is how I found the wombtwin.com website.
Looking at the online questionnaire was a real eye opener. Many of the symptoms describe me! I decided to order the books, A Silent Cry and Untwinned to get a better understanding of what it means to be a wombtwin survivor.
While Untwinned was a slow starter, it provided the general beliefs and practices (past and present) of the medical field. This is important if I was trying to obtain hospital records for proof. I realize I would have a slim, if not impossible, chance of finding any information because of the way records were kept at the time of my birth.
A Silent Cry, on the other hand, provided some comfort to me, knowing that other people feel the same way I do, that I am not really alone.
I’ve tried talking to my mom again, but she has gotten even angrier. She blurted something that was out of her character, words and tone of voice. She said that my parents didn’t want another child at the time of my birth because of financial difficulties. But then she said she “would never consider an abortion or adopt….” She became furious or choked with emotions (I couldn’t tell which) and wouldn’t continue talking about the subject, so I promised to never bring it up again.
During one treatment, I had a mental image of a picture of me when I was approximately one year old. In the picture, I have two toys, one in my hands and another tipped over on the table next to me. My grandmother told me these toys were my constant companions. She said I would play with them for hours, never making any vocal sounds but it appeared as if I was communicating with them. On another occasion, she pointed in the picture to the toy lying on its side, and said that she got the impression that I no longer played with it because it had died.
Remembering what she said answered my question.... I don’t believe I am a womb twin. Instead I think I am a wombtriplet! Six other possible indicators are: First, I am writing three books. In two of the books there are three main characters – one male and two females. Second, as mentioned earlier, I buy things in threes. Third, is a difficult birth.
I was born placenta previa, which according to one medical journal can be an indication of being a twin/multiple. Also I was separated from the placenta for an unknown period of time before my birth. Fourth, I’ve never had a fascination or curiosity of twins. In fact, when I think of twins or multiples of four or more, I feel animosity.
In contrast, the thought or sight of triplets makes me excited and yet calm. Fifth, when reading A Silent Cry, when reading one story with the words triplet it made me sick momentarily. Finally, for the past thirty years I have had double vision. After coming up with the answer of being a multiple, my vision is returning to normal.
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