Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Step 2 : twin relationships after the death of one twin

A query from another womb twin survivor:
I was just wondering if maybe you could think about writing a blog about the twin relationship, and the relationship after death. Everyone is aware of how special the twin bond is, but not many people seem to care about what happens to it after one twin dies. Maybe these twinless twins share some of the same feelings womb twin survivors feel. If they aren't deemed crazy, then why are we? I know that I can feel my sister with me all of the time, and from what I've read on your blog, it seems I'm not the only one that seems to hear my twin talking to me sometimes.
It has been said that your relationship with your twin is your first lesson in love.  That means that your present style of loving reflects  the particular kind of bond that you had with your twin in the womb.

So for example, if your twin was identical and therefore half of you, you will want to be very close to people and make the into half of you. If your twin was of the opposite sex  and developed in a sac across the womb from you, only to disappear very soon, then you will find it hard to let relationships with the opposite sex be long lasting.  Here is my slideshare on that subject:

If a twin dies in the womb they live on in the memory, in the Dream of the Womb. The relationship is strong the the bond lifelong, and the tedency is to seek out others as surrogate twins and put them in the place of the lost twin.

So in my case, I had a twin brother and even today I relate to every man I meet as if he was my brother.  I try not to, because it can be misinterpreted, but it always seems to happen.    I love to be in the company of men in a friendly, jokey kind of way.

I think that in almost every situation it is easy to image what ones twin would have said, had he or she been still alive.  As for the continued existence of your twin in the spirit world, that is outside my brief in my books and on this blog, but it's a fascinating thought.


  1. When I was younger, I always was trying to find somebody (it had to be a girl, and preferably look like me as much as possible) to put in the role of my missing identical twin. It usually had disastrous results, due to the other party not understanding (or liking) what I was doing. I was always so heartbroken when things didn't work out. I also had a fraternal brother, so I, too, sought out men to be close to in that brotherly way, I always would be close to gay men or groups of men (they could be straight) who I felt comfortable with. I also like being around men in a friendly, jokey way, like you said, Althea. It really is a different dynamic than the identical twin scenario, which is usually so intense and dramatic. Now that I understand what I have been doing all these years, I can relax more and stop punishing myself for what always felt like failing.

  2. I feel as if I was an identical twin, and so the relationships I form with other people have always been intense. I too try to make the other person into my twin, and I've never had good results either. I've learned to catch myself when I start this though, and it's gotten better since I did. I know I will always have a void that won't be filled, but I think it's easier to deal with than before, when I was setting myself up for heartbreak again and again.