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This describes me, aged 11-16. As a child I had always been happy to play alone, but had never been wary of social interaction. At secondary school, I was bullied. I didn't feel I could stand my ground, so I withdrew. I didn't want to spend time with anyone. Not even my family.
I would spend hours in my room watching TV, cleaning it, reading, drawing, listening to music - so long as it didn't require speaking to people. The fact that I was coming to terms with being gay was also a major factor, and I felt the world didn't want to accept me. On the odd occasions that I went outside, I was terrified about being recognised. I went to great lengths to avoid this, wearing hats, hoods and sunglasses. I broke out of the cycle when I started to find friends who would invite me out, and the bullying subsided. Once I had a social life I could be confident in, I no longer needed or wanted to stay in my room all the time. That period of my life has had a lasting impact on how I behave. I still feel the need to withdraw into my own company, although not to an extent that is abnormal. I sometimes lack confidence, and have paranoid thoughts about what people think of me. It seems I am fortunate that I managed to break free. Tristan, Bristol, UKThe need to with draw into a dark space, usually ones bedroom, is characteristic of depression. A womb twin survivor would describe depression as "stuck in Beta space" which is a kind of zombie existence.
I believe that Hikikomori is an answer if one is not quite sure whether to live or die. If you have just enough in your environment to sustain life but make no efforts to live out the life you have been given, that is the archetypal womb twin response to the question : why was I the one to survive? The answer in some cases is " I don't want to be here."
Hikikomori is way of being here without being here.
How to change things? Well, it's easy when you know how.
These books can help
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There are plenty of womb twin survivors who went into the dark to find the light, and are now taking part in society. If that is your story, perhaps you would like to make a comment and encourage others.