Important post

Tributes to Althea Hayton

Althea Hayton, founder of Womb Twin, passed away peacefully on August 13 (sorry for the delay in posting this news on the blog). We are all ...

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Story 31: I was born with a double placenta

I was told by my Mother that I was born with a double placenta.  She almost bled out during
my birth. She was told, being a nurse herself, that I was most likely a twin but the twin died
early on in the pregnancy.

I had a lot of stuffed animal friends as a child who I talked to on a regular basis. That sounds crazy..but all kids do that right? I don't remember feeling like someone was missing but I do remember thinking none of my friends "got me".

I remember several times my Mother telling me I was "weird". I didn't want too much attention. I couldn't make up my mind when we went shopping for clothes. I could not decide what I liked and
what I didn't. I longed for direction, I guess I still do. I feel very alone sometimes. I make sacrifices for everyone else...because I have too...if I am going to be a good person. I am now 40 years old and trying to figure out my life. I guess this is the age everyone does that.

I wonder if being a twin at some point has made me depend on myself and not ask for help from others. I wonder if being a twin is why I am always trying to fill a void with daydreams and how I would like to be if only given a little more time to improve. I wonder if being a twin is the reason why I don't care to talk to any friends, the few that I have, about what's going on in my life. I just don't care to share.

I am currently taking a anti-anxiety medication. It helps with the overwhelming feelings of doom I sometimes get. I usually blame this feeling on hormones. The feelings of doom get worse as I get older...my children get older as well so I guess doom and gloom are in order when raising 2 boys. It would be nice to say after all these years, definitively, that I have had these feelings due to the loss of the one person who was most like me. The one person who I could have counted on and loved and been loved by unconditionally because they were just like me.

But I am not convinced of that. I think I am pretty normal for an average 40 year old woman. If had a twin, which I believe I did at some point, I miss her. If I did have a twin I wish I still had one. It feels life would be a little more manageable with her here.

Maybe she is...in me. Isn't that a wonderful daydream. My mother told me her name would have been Jennifer.

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