Monday, November 11, 2013

I once had an identical twin - by a womb twin survivor

I spent most of my childhood feeling alone and longing for someone to fill the hole in my heart. I suffered from night terrors for the first 3 years of my life and after that, I had an imaginary friend who I told everyone was my "twin". I didn't understand what made me feel so different from everyone else but I think I always knew deep down that it was my twin who was missing from my life. I was jealous of other twins, I searched crowds full of faces looking for the one that matched my own, and I desperately craved the love and connection I never have been able to find with anyone, to this day.

When I turned 18, my mother told me that I could've been a twin. She wouldn't elaborate and has never brought it up again, but in that moment I felt like my world came crashing down. Everything seemed to fall into place and make sense at the sound of the short sentence. I suddenly didn't feel strange anymore, I felt like my questions that I never shared with anyone had finally been confirmed. I felt betrayed by my mother, but also happy to not feel crazy anymore.

It's been 3 years since my mom told me about the possibility of my twin, and since I found this website. I've worked through most of my thoughts and feelings, and I believe I'm an identical twin. Although I don't have proof of my sister's existence, the confirmation in my heart is enough proof for me. I know I have a long road ahead of me dealing with what it means to be a twinless twin in this world, but all at the same time, I'm okay with it. I know that my twin would want me to live this life she was denied to the best of my ability and to take it by storm. She would want me to be happy and at peace with the fact that even though we aren't together in this world we will be in the next, and for now, I have the most special guardian angel watching over me.

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