Sunday, April 10, 2011

A healing path (1) my story

My story is well-known now.  It's one of the free downloads on my web site and is also the epilogue of A Silent Cry, an anthology of stories written by womb twin survivors and published in their own words.:

But there is a little bit more to say about how the healing went for me.

1. Discovery. The first step has to be that moment of realisation. For me it was after some chiropractic treatment that revealed  the bodily memory of  birth trauma.   I once wrote:

Rubber doll
My story begins with a rubber doll I played with constantly as a child.  “Rubber doll” was a naked, sexless baby doll with removable head and limbs. Every day, several times a day, I removed the head and one arm, and then pushed it all back together again. This doll was my  friend and constant companion. I had no idea then that this constant breaking and mending was my way of trying to heal myself of birth trauma. There truly was, as a large breech-born baby, a moment when they pulled at my flailing limbs to remove me and I thought my head was coming off.

Once that trauma was healed (in 2002 it consisted mostly of muscular spasm in various parts of my body and could be relieved by chiropractic treatment) then a quieter message, to do with terror and death, became perceptible.  I realised that I was conceived as a twin.

2. Making the twin real.   I had to put the story together and make sure I was not creating a fantasy. I spent many hours exploring the internet and gleaned scraps of information here and there, but the real direction for my healing was, I realised, coming from within. I  came to the conclusion that my twin was a brother and that he had been aborted, for no better reason than it fitted perfectly with what I seemed to feel deep inside.  I took a course of dramatherapy in London with Claire Schrader and that enabled me to clarify the non-verbal signals that were within me into a real story.

3 Letting go.   I held a funeral ritual for my twin, Ben, in that drama therapy room.  It was one of the most significant experiences of my life. 

4 Allowing.   The next step was once of a kind of wait and see, being open kind of stage. I had never spoken to anyone about how womb twin survivors heal so I had to observe the process inside of me and see it as it developed.  The next stage saw a breathtaking surge of energy and creativity, and all I had to do was to stop blocking it.  Amazing!

5. Delivery.  The result is the womb twin project, three books and more to come a web site and this blog.   I now know that healing can happen and that pre-birth memories can be processed successfully.

Over the next 5 days I will provide some details and stories to illustrate these stages as they happen to womb twin survivors everywhere.

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