Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Healing (11) Ending the cycle of self-sabotage

Do you make the same mistakes in life, again and again? Do you start projects but never finish them properly? Do you never get round to things? Are you your own worst enemy? Do you lack focus and motivation?
All of the above are chosen ways to sabotage your life. Self sabotage is the price you pay for spending your life caught up in the Dream of the Womb. It is a way not to live life to the full and never realise your true potential. It may sound crazy to deliberately decide to ruin your life in this way, but remember that the greatest force in your life has always been survivor guilt. You feel guilty of the sin of being alive, so you simply choose not to live. That makes sense.

Spiritual death
Not living does not have to mean killing yourself, although tragically many wombtwin survivors consider suicide at one time or another. Not living is like deliberately putting a limit on the joy and enthusiasm of your existence. All good feelings are damped down, inhibited or repressed and only bad feelings hold sway.
You know that you could start to live a better life but you remain trapped on a kind of treadmill of pointless activity that brings you no happiness. This meaningless effort seems to be all there is to life. Even though wise people inform you that life does not have to be this way, and that great riches and happiness lie in store for you if you will only open your eyes, you remain blind deaf and dumb to all that in a life of spiritual death.
You are not free simply because you don’t want freedom. You are a voluntary prisoner in a jail of your own construction. The doors are locked on the inside and the key is in your hand but you remain inside. Freedom of choice would mean you have power and autonomy, but you have sacrificed all that for Someone who no longer exists - except of course in your Dream of the Womb.
You have laid aside your freedom to try and enjoy life in peace, but instead you allow yourself to be trapped in a nightmare world where you are forced to do things against your will. You are at the mercy of others more powerful than yourself who may turn nasty at any moment. Your Dream of the womb is a nightmare, and it is so hard to see that none of it is real.
Exhausted by hard work
It takes a lot of effort and energy to suppress your anger, deny your power, remain blind to your gifts and isolate yourself from empathy and intimacy, but this is your chosen life of self sabotage. The easiest way to keep this up is to be perpetually exhausted and have no energy left. Then you can allow yourself to remain the helpless victim of your desires and compulsions. Wombtwin survivors spent their lives wasting quantities of energy on fruitless tasks and attempts to soothe a deeply felt pain they do not understand.
Keeping the Dream alive
Womb twin survivors spend their lives constantly re-enacting their Dream of the Womb. Nothing is more important than that :- the Dream is all.
Some womb twin survivors become very rich but throw it all away by making bad choices. Entire fortunes have been lost in this way. Some wombtwin survivors become very famous and sabotage their chances of sucess by behaving so badly that no one want to know them any more. Some wombtwin survivor children are so clever that they seem to have a golden future ahead of them, yet somehow they never get offf the ground.
In the womb, the survivor takes all but later find this a terrible burden. The only way to be relieved of this burden is to throw it all away, and that is what self sabotage is all about. Then, having wasted most of their life, they spend their time regretting what they did or didn’t do and wishing it had been otherwise.
A coded message
Your chosen method of self sabotage is the closest you will ever get to a clear re-enactment of your dream of the womb. If you work hard to decode this message and turn it into a memory of real events, then you will be able to separate truth from illusion. Only then will you awaken from your personal nightmare and bring to an end cycle of self sabotage that has ruled your life so far.
This mysterious coded message is written in your needless fears; unnecessary burdens; bad choices; invented shame and denial of joy. If you are honest enough to face the fact that you are making all this happen in order to re-enact a Dream from long ago, then your healing path will become clear.

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