A healing path (4) What is YOUR favourite way to relate?

What is your favourite way to relate to others?

 1) A leader, triggering others into action

2)  A follower, stimulated by other people's ideas

3)  A loner, standing apart looking on

4)  The life and soul of the party, in the midst of the group

5 ) The partner, sharing everything equally with one other person at a time

6)   The clinger, who never leaves, never lets go, always stays close

7) The isolate, who knows no intimacy with anyone

Are these styles ways of keeping alive different Dreams of the Womb? I wonder....

A healing path (2) Living the Dream: clutter

I am sure that the whole issue of clutter, hoarding and messiness at home is a reenactment of the Dream of the Womb.  Five years ago, when I  asked the local university statistics department to analyse the first 500 responses to the research questionnaire, I was amazed to find that  over 45% of the respondents with evidence of their twin agreed strongly with the statement:

"There is at least one room (including shed or garage) in my home that is completely full of stuff"

This  result was a complete surprise. This statement seemed to unearth a group of people who were not necessarily "compulsive" hoarders, but who at least had a strong tendency to hoard, to the extent that  at least part of their home could not be used for  its original purpose because of the accumulation of stuff in it.  There are various definitions of hoarding:

Definition: Pathological or compulsive hoarding is a specific type of behavior characterized by acquiring and failing to throw out a large number of items that would appear to have little or no value to others, such as notes, flyers, or newspapers. Compulsive hoarding can, though does not inevitably, lead to severe cluttering of the person’s home so that it is no longer able to function as a viable living space, causing significant distress or impairment of work or social life.

The Medical Definition

In 1996 Randy O Frost and Tamara L Hartl defined compulsive hoarding with the following:

• The acquisition of, and failure to discard, possessions that appear to be of useless or of limited value.
• Living spaces so cluttered that using the room as intended is impossible
• Significant distress or impairment to function.

 But the mystery is, how would this be related to being a womb twin survivor?

Narcissus: a life self-sabotage

There is one person who is highly narcissistic and has been featured in TV programmes because of his extreme narcissism and his name is Sam.

He lives a life of self sabotage, yet he survives because he knows he is the Alpha Survivor and superior to all other beings in the Dream of the womb wherein he lives.....

So, no matter what serendipity, what lucky circumstance, what blessing I shall receive - I will always strive with blind fury to deflect them, to deform, to ruin. And being the talented person that I am - I will succeed spectacularly.

I have lived in fairy tales come true all my life. I was adopted by a billionaire, an admiring student of mine became Minister of Finance and summoned me to his side, I was given millions to invest and have been the subject of many other miracles - but I was and am intent on bringing myself to biblical destitution and devastation.

Perhaps in this - in the belief that I have the omnipotence to conspire against a universe that constantly smiles upon me - lies the real magic of my thinking. The day I stop resisting my endowments and my good fortune is the day I die.

Healing (20) Are you ready for change?

Does something in your life need to change?

 Are there things you do, feel or believe that get you into trouble, ruin your happiness and leave you feeling miserable or full of resentment? If so, then you have a problem. Now you can solve the problem, leave things as they are or look as if you are trying to solve the problem while carefully making sure that it remains unsolved.

Re-enacting your Dream of the Womb gets you into all kinds of trouble and often leads you into despair, but you make no effort to get to grips with the problem and solve it , once and for all

This is further proof that the re-enactment of your Dream of the Womb is the principal task of your life. Nothing is more important than that - absolutely nothing. You may see your marriage failing; your health breaking down; your future in ruins, but you still hold fast to the way things have always been.

Healing (11) Ending the cycle of self-sabotage

Do you make the same mistakes in life, again and again? Do you start projects but never finish them properly? Do you never get round to things? Are you your own worst enemy? Do you lack focus and motivation?

All of the above are chosen ways to sabotage your life. Self sabotage is the price you pay for spending your life caught up in the Dream of the Womb. It is a way not to live life to the full and never realise your true potential. It may sound crazy to deliberately decide to ruin your life in this way, but remember that the greatest force in your life has always been survivor guilt. You feel guilty of the sin of being alive, so you simply choose not to live. That makes sense.

Chapter 21: Self sabotage

 Self-sabotage is so widespread that one could consider it a general human failing or part of the human condition.  Viewed objectively however, in the process of self-sabotage foolish acts are willingly carried out that deliberately dismantle the very foundation of a successful project.
These acts are deliberate, conscious and inappropriate choices.  They are not instinctual or genetically imprinted.  The motive behind these choices is mysterious.  If you are a womb twin survivor you will already be aware of how you sabotage your life but you may not be clear about why you do it.  Once the idea that self-defeating behaviour is driven by survivor guilt is in place, then it makes perfect sense that you would not feel allowed to succeed, to have riches, good fortune or even personal happiness.


I have been searching for something all my life but I don’t know what it is

The search for the lost twin can take many forms.  It may be a desperate and lonely quest in search of some vague an ineffable Someone or Something.  There are womb twin survivors to be found in far-flung places of the world, a long way from home.  They only stay a while in any place and soon move on: they have not been home for years.  In the vast continent of North America, a certain proportion of people choose to take to the road.  They are always on the move while the rest are happy to stay at home.  Could this restless group be the womb twin survivors?  They may have been inspired by the ever-elusive American Dream but how much is this endless journey an echo of another Dream from long ago before birth?  It is a long journey to Somewhere, but it has within it a kind of circularity.  Wherever you are, you are still searching, stuck in your Dream of the Womb.  Perhaps you are a womb twin survivor who has travelled far from home for reasons you do not quite understand.  Perhaps your journeying provides a mode of expression for a deep and painful sense
of longing that is never satisfied.  You can make your home anywhere but you never belong.  You make sure of that by always moving on. It is a fruitless search, seeking Someone who can never be found.  The search may take you into a series of relationships, as you seek out that mysterious, pre-birth twin bond that feels so essential to your well-being.  In turn, even after many years, each relationship will prove a disappointment, for it can never replace the intimate bond that is your template for all relationships in your life.

Some people feel as if they are searching for themselves.  They imagine that they only partly exist in this world.  Perhaps you are a womb twin survivor and feel this way.  If so, you may be in search of a missing part of yourself, which is your lost twin.  If you do not understand that, you will continue to sabotage your life by never accepting the world and your life as it is.

All my life I have felt restless and unsettled
One way to cope with psychological distress is to avoid thinking about it by being busy.  Frenetic activity, constant changes of job, moving house every year and moving from one relationship to another are all signs of being restlessness and unsettled.

Constant, restless movement is like a journey that always turns in upon itself.  As much as you try to avoid the pain, it dogs your footsteps and you never seem to move forward.  If you are a womb twin survivor and you have always been restless, then staying in the same place or continuing to do the same thing for a long time may seem somehow wrong.  The desire to keep moving may arise out of a deep, inner doubt about your ability to take root and grow.

Never finding a place to settle may be in your Dream of the Womb.  You might carry a memory of one or more embryos that never managed to implant properly in the womb wall.  This could be why you cannot allow yourself to take root and grow.  You find it hard to slow down, remain in the same place and stay in the same job for a long time.  To be static may seem unthinkable to you at the moment, like a living death, but consider how little you allow yourself to develop.  A rolling stone may indeed gather no moss but it is the static stones that are strongest and are chosen to build our greatest monuments.  A restlessness of character may be related to trying hard to control events, stop bad things happening to people and keep people happy.  It can be related to a vague sense of dread that a Bad Thing is about to happen, which is straight out of your Dream of the Womb.  The Bad Thing is the death of your twin.  Your foetal assumption is, after a while, the Bad Thing will start to happen and you live that out as your womb script.  Naturally enough, after the initial joys of any new experience, your familiar sense of restlessness begins to increase, along with a vague sense of dread.  Yet again, your Dream is realized.  You move on, leaving behind an unfinished project, an unrealized dream and possibly also some very disappointed colleagues, who are sad to see you go.  Meanwhile, in the far distance is a mysterious, hidden place where everything is fresh and new:  that is what keeps you on the move.

More about this book [here]

A zombie for a womb twin?

What if your womb twin was alive, but yet not alive? What if he or she never developed a brain or a heart?

What would you do to keep your twin alive in your life?

The answer is that despite the fact that you have an excellent brain you would not use it to the full, and despite the fact that you are a warm and loving person you would act heartlessly towards others. You would be cold, unreachable, unresponsive and kind of spiritually dead, while at the same time being very much alive and full of creativity and vitality.

Its like being held perpetually at the interface between your own Alpha energy, and your womb twin's Beta energy, one alive, the other dead.  This is the space that zombies occupy.

Yet there is a rational, intelligent and loving reason why you would work so hard at not being the complete you, at deliberately creating a self-defeating life for yourself.  This is how you keep your brainless womb twin alive in your own life and you can remain together with them, every hour of every day.  Its love and loyalty.

But maybe there is a way out of this..........

This little poem may describe it:

You

You are my inner voice, with me always: a command to do what I do not wish

Yet my wish is to be faithful always,'til the end of life.

I attend to your tiny voice while others shout and rage

I hear nothing but your imperatives on how to be myself

In obedience to your command I live out my life in compliance and silent hate.

How I resent your voice! You rule my life and bind me with ties of obligation!

How dearly I desire to rage and rebel against those commands that constrict and

drag me down!

Yet I cannot be free, for I am bound forever to You, my silent presence, 

holding me back.

Then through a screen of willow leaves I saw the river of life:-

Two boats were skimming on the silver stream; one fast, one slow.

I was in the fast boat, my energy raging, but You were stranded in the shallows.

I felt the pull of obligation, and I knew that I must slow down, go back.

As usual I turned by back on the exhilaration of the race

and came into the shallows with you.

(Wearily, for it was a great burden to stand and watch the silver stream rush by..... )

But then you thanked me and you smiled at me

you told me to go, get on with my life.

You told me that lfe in the shallows was all the life you would ever know.

You told me to take up my life and drink deep of every moment.

With a loving smile and a farewell kiss,

you set me free.

More poems here on my web site