Healing (21) Separation and letting go

Your ritual of letting go, provided you carry it out with all your heart, will affect you profoundly in ways that at present you can only guess. It will mark the closure of a chapter in your life. Truly, you will never be able to awaken from the Dream until you have peacefully accepted the fact of your womb twin’s death. If you use your intuition to build your ritual plan, then all the details will fall into place. Every aspect of the ritual should have meaning and strong personal associations so that you will be engaged at a very intense level throughout. Above all, there must be no distractions. This is a private affair.

The time
There will come a day - very soon now - when you will have a deep sense that it is time for your womb twin to leave. The time may be already upon you, or long overdue, but you may find that you are not quite ready yet. It is very important that you do this at the right time for you, so if you are not ready, just consider all the aspects of your ritual to come but do nothing until the time comes.

The place
If the right place for you is in the womb twin group, then let your group leader know as soon as possible that you wish to enact a ritual in the next meeting. It is best to do this at the end of a normal group meeting.

The people
If you feel abandoned then do this alone. If you feel as if you have always been alone, then seek out the company of a trusted friend. If you crave group support ask a group to support you.

The symbols, music etc.
Make sure that you are prepared, with symbols, music etc. as seems appropriate. Some people like things to be elaborate; some like things very simple. Recognise your own need and do not be swayed by anyone else’s ideas.

Resistance
Expect to resist every stage of the ritual but surrender to each stage of the process with all your heart. Some people say that they feel as if their wombtwin doesn’t want to go. Ignore that feeling and say, “ I willingly send my wombtwin into the light,” whenever you feel your resistance mounting.

THE PROCESS

Gathering
Invite people to come at a specific time and place; assemble the materials, set out the ritual space and when everything is prepared spend a short time in stillness and silence. When you are ready, begin.

Allowing things to happen
Many people doing this ritual have found that they don’t do things quite as they planned. They make sudden changes and even jettison whole parts of the ritual. Just go with it: trust your feelings and your intuition and allow yourself to be spontaneous.

Moving away
Whatever your ritual may be outwardly, remember that it is a symbolic of letting go of the thing you hold most dear. In the end you will know the truth: your wombtwin is beyond your reach. A useful element in the ritual may be water, fire or air. Any of these can carry your symbol away, out of reach forever.

Know when to stop
The ritual may take only a few moments, or a whole day. It may be preceded by a long walk or followed by a party or a ritual dance. Each personal ritual has a shape and a length of its own, and you must be sensitive enough to know when to stop.

The ending
Some people describe the ending as a kind of “returning to the real world”, or as “a door closing, never to be opened again.” For each person it is different. There may be a strange feeling which is hard to define. Don’t even try to define it. All will soon become clear. Just rest in the knowledge that you have sent your womb twin into the light.

SOME EXAMPLES

N. Sent a soft, green scarf, the symbol of his lost identical twin brother, in a bronze incense burner, down a mountain stream in his native Wales. It floated away out of his life forever.

K. Ritually buried three rings in her own garden as symbols of her fraternal twin brother and her own identical twin sister, but this was not enough. Many months later, in her imagination she sent two little spirits into the light at the end of a dark tunnel. Only then did she feel a sense of closure.

My own story of letting go in a drama therapy group is published here:

 How to make an online memorial to your own womb twin.