More tales for the journey: Case Study (2) Letting go of the past

 
I came to a place where I had left an old leather suitcase, which I had once carried for my mother.  I saw it lying there, neglected in a corner and imagined that there was great sadness left in it that seemed to have something to do with me.

 I leaned down and inspected the tattered leather, which I had slashed with a knife.  I saw the damage I had done when I wrenched it open in my desire to find my baby bracelet.  I stroked the smooth leather surface, wondering what journeys that case had made, that I could never know about.  I was lost for a long time, pondering the mysteries of the case.

 Then I saw that the leather was a warm, brown colour and was soft and malleable.  I knew at once what to do.  I took up my scissors and cut carefully into the leather until I had several pieces lying about my feet. 

 I spent a long time carefully planning; placing the pieces this way and that, until I knew what I could make.  For many hours I worked until my fingers were sore and my eyes ached, until I had made a small rucksack and a pair of moccasins.

I saw the road stretching out ahead of me, inviting me to walk on.  I put the sack on my back, placed the moccasins on my feet, and set off, singing.

A healing path (7) What are YOU holding on to?

In order for the healing to be complete, you have to let go.  This means not only letting go of your womb twin but also letting go of everything in your Dream.

As you explore the possibilities within your Dream,  you will see how you have been keeping it alive.  For instance, the original lack of connectedness with your twin for example may have become displaced onto a lack of connectedness with your close family or your partner.  Are you holding on to the lack of connectedness which is preventing you from connecting to  people and keeping you in islation?

Healing path (6) From grief to acceptance

"If I Could Be Where You Are"

Where are you this moment
Only in my dreams
You're missing, but you're always
a heartbeat from me.

I'm lost now without you.
I don't know where you are.
I keep watching,
I keep hoping,
but time keeps us apart.

[chorus]
Is there a way I can find you?
Is there a sign I should know?
Is there a road I could follow,
to bring you back home?

Winter lies before me,
Now you're so far away
In the darkness of my dreaming
The light of you will stay

If I could be close beside you,
If I could be where you are,
If I could reach out and touch you,
And bring you back home.

[chorus]
Is there a way I can find you?
Is there a sign I should know?
Is there a road I could follow,
to bring you back home?

To me...

The pain is in the wishing for the world to stop, for things to have been different.
The healing is in the peaceful acceptance and the letting go.

After I let my twin go, almost at once I felt his presence close to me and he has been with me every since. Now it is not about wishing he was here with me, for he is here, and this time he is here in a way that is good and healthy and healing, not painful. It's like he is in the right place now. He is home.

A healing path (6) Towards making a memorial

Towards making a memorial ritual

As time goes on and you get better and better acquainted with your womb twin, then you may begin to associate some object or substance with him or her.  I have found that an item of clothing does well, such as scarf or shirt. A scarf is particularly good, as  you can wear it  around your neck until you get to like the warmth and closeness of it to you.
Alternatively it may be a book, a letter, a plant or a stone. Anything will do.  If at the moment this all means nothing to you it is because you are not ready. Just hold the idea in mind for a while and one day, quite suddenly, you will know what to do next.

A healing path (6) Time to say goodbye

The day comes when it is clear that holding on to your twin doesn't help you or your twin. Now we come to the crucial part of the womb twin work.  After you have read this page you may decide you are not yet  ready: that would not be surprising if you have barely begun to consider the possibility that you ever had a womb twin!

This stage has two elements: one is to "find" your womb twin and the other is to "let go" of your womb twin.

MZ womb twin survivors - towards building a separate Alpha identity

When both twins make it to birth alive, it is common for there to be one obviously dominant twin, but that applies from the earliest beginnings, as this mother wrote:

We have ultrasound pix of Baby A (Shane) kicking Baby B (Dylan) in the head. Dylan spent most of his time in the womb trying to swim away. They are now 16 mos (adjusted age). Not much has changed. Whatever Dylan is playing with, Shane immediately takes away. Fortunately, Dylan is very easy-going and will usually just transfer his attention to another toy, but that soon gets taken away too. Another thing – Shane follows Dylan around, pointing to him and trying to say his name (“dee-uh”). It was cute in the beginning, but now he’s either poking him in the eye or smacking him on the head when he does it. And most recently Shane has been running up behind his brother and pushing him down for no reason. And, heaven forbid I pick up and snuggle his brother...suddenly Shane is crying and pulling on my leg. 

But what is it like for the  dominant twin to be born alone?  What happens to that Alpha energy when it has no expression within the twin pair?

Healing (21) Separation and letting go

Your ritual of letting go, provided you carry it out with all your heart, will affect you profoundly in ways that at present you can only guess. It will mark the closure of a chapter in your life. Truly, you will never be able to awaken from the Dream until you have peacefully accepted the fact of your womb twin’s death. If you use your intuition to build your ritual plan, then all the details will fall into place. Every aspect of the ritual should have meaning and strong personal associations so that you will be engaged at a very intense level throughout. Above all, there must be no distractions. This is a private affair.

The time
There will come a day - very soon now - when you will have a deep sense that it is time for your womb twin to leave. The time may be already upon you, or long overdue, but you may find that you are not quite ready yet. It is very important that you do this at the right time for you, so if you are not ready, just consider all the aspects of your ritual to come but do nothing until the time comes.

Healing path (5) The death of illusion

ACTING TO BRING ABOUT THE DEATH OF ILLUSION

The phantoms from the womb seem very real and present, because only in the false "knowledge" of that fantasy can you keep desolation at bay.  The heavy price price of awakening from your Dream of the Womb is to re-experience the desolation of being separated at birth from a place of safety where there once was the real presence of the Someone you hold most dear - your womb twin.   For you to be born fully, the Dream must die: you must wake up know that the Dream is over and your companions are dead and long gone.

This can be hard: in the recognition of death and separation is the pain of bleak and dismal emptiness. In parting is the grief of being utterly wretched and unhappy. In isolation from even those dear shreds of memory of your lost womb companions, is the most dreaded state of being totally abandoned and alone.

Letting go of the Dream
This "death" can be enacted in a symbolic way by entering into a ritual of separation from something or someone that you love very much.  It cannot repeat the original separation, but it will feel the same as it once did. It is a way to access the memory of the separation between you and your womb companions that happened so long ago.   You may have tried to make rituals before, but perhaps you were not yet ready to let go of everything.  One by one, the  features of your Dream can be explored and relinquished, perhaps in a series of symbolic acts. ( Like Frodo in "Lord of the Rings" if you are not prepared get hurt in order to achieve your aim; when there is no hope, to keep on hoping and in the end be prepared to destroy everything you hold most dear, then don't bother - stay at home and read the book.)

Once the deed is done, you are separated from the Dream that is holding you back. Now you can begin to grow to completeness.

The paradoxical reward

Then comes the paradoxical reward. By letting go you will get back: by giving away all that you hold most  dear, you will receive more gifts than you never dreamed possible, in an endless stream of generosity in the midst of abundance.

Can there be more? I hear you ask? Just wait until tomorrow!

New Year resolutions for womb twin survivors?

What could they be?


To decide that this will be the year you begin, or make progress with, the womb twin work:

• Acknowledging that yes, you are a womb twin survivor and yes, it has been a problem all your life
• Deciding to do something about that
• Finding out about twins and twinning, the "vanishing twin phenomenon", dermoid cysts and all the other signs and indications that you once had a twin

(See the whole list here)

• Recognising how the way you feel about life, your whole world view in fact was formed before you were born and the loss of your womb twin was an important aspect of that
• Letting go of resentment and bitterness over past hurts - see how you hold on to that pain
• Clearing clutter from your mind, your heart , your life and your home
• Honouring your womb twin in some way

 Make a memorial, perhaps?


What will your resolution be? Leave a comment to let us know,  let's encourage each other!


( What is mine? To put up a post for every day of 2011 on this blog. Will I make it?  Follow this blog and see! )