Twins play in the womb and after birth - do we remember the womb?

People say we don't remember the womb : watch this


I may write a dozen books on this subject, but few people will read them, make utube videos and people will simply jeer at them; talk on radio and TV and have people switch off; speak at conferences and no one will listen. We are at risk of vanishing in silence just like all the vanished twins that we seek to represent, if we do not speak out, however we can, wherever we can.

The sceptics are sceptical because they are afraid of being wrong. This sounds far too outlandish for any sensible person trained (? indoctrinated ?) into the ways of so-called "Critical Thinking". The perceived need for such thinking may also be a delusion, for we need no "critical" thinking to see what is obvious and all about us, hidden in plain sight. 

Healing Narcissus: turning round the energy

I believe that the problem with Narcissus is that as he gazes upon his reflection to the exclusion of all else, that all the energy goes inwards towards self protection, maintaining a sense of self-worth and literally trying to stay alive.

These pictures may serve to illustrate how this comes about when MZ twins are developing in the womb but one dies.....

Steve Jobs RIP - dare to be different

Steve Jobs, the quiet genius behind Apple and the man who made Mac users of so many of us, (including my whole family) dared to think differently. He has died quietly, as he lived, but he leaves a giant hole in the world.

Obama says he was "Brave enough to think differently, bold enough to believe he could change the world, and talented enough to do it." Steve Jobs had Alpha energy and he used it.

Womb twin survivors are born different and it can feel tough to be an outsider, misunderstood. However the very fact of being different, thinking differently, is a great gift.

The Alpha womb twin survivor - the person I should have been?

"The person I should have been"..... the Alpha Survivor who never saw daylight because the Beta twin had to be kept alive somehow?



James Morrison, a very talented musician, writes interesting lyrics about dreams, death, love and unfulfillment.

DZ womb twin survivors: Alpha into false Beta

Alpha into false Beta - the co-dependency game

When a person uses their Alpha quality of dominance and initiative to take over another Alpha person's problem, they allow the other person to act passively when this person is of course quite capable of taking control of the situation by themselves.Meanwhile, the person who is taken over is in fact not being "taken over" at all: they are choosing to give away their power to the other and volunteering a new role as a false Beta. This is co-dependency, because each denies their Alpha qualities by giving them to the other.

For example, here is a familiar tale: a heavy drinking Alpha male characteristically passes out at a party because of an excess of alcohol. His capable wife ( who usually plays the Beta role to keep him happy as leading Alpha ) takes charge as usual in these circumstances: she mops up the vomit, undresses him and puts him to bed. She also washes his clothes and makes apologies to the hostess. Thus she is the leading Alpha in this pair and he gives all his power to her and becomes the passive Beta.

The Alpha-Beta gap

After the in-depth consideration of MZ twins, I have adopted the concept of an "Alpha- Beta gap."
This is used to describe the difference between the person you know you could be and the person you are ; in other words, the difference between your authentic and your  in-authentic self.  The Womb twin hypothesis states that womb twin survivors constantly re-enact the life and death of their womb twins. To re-enact the life of your MZ womb twin, who is half of you and made of the same genetic material,  you also re-enact the difference between you. "The person you could be" is your whole Alpha self, but the "person you are" is someone diminished by the need to keep alive your Beta womb twin on your  life.  But that varies according to what actually happened.

MZ womb twin survivors - towards building a separate Alpha identity

When both twins make it to birth alive, it is common for there to be one obviously dominant twin, but that applies from the earliest beginnings, as this mother wrote:

We have ultrasound pix of Baby A (Shane) kicking Baby B (Dylan) in the head. Dylan spent most of his time in the womb trying to swim away. They are now 16 mos (adjusted age). Not much has changed. Whatever Dylan is playing with, Shane immediately takes away. Fortunately, Dylan is very easy-going and will usually just transfer his attention to another toy, but that soon gets taken away too. Another thing – Shane follows Dylan around, pointing to him and trying to say his name (“dee-uh”). It was cute in the beginning, but now he’s either poking him in the eye or smacking him on the head when he does it. And most recently Shane has been running up behind his brother and pushing him down for no reason. And, heaven forbid I pick up and snuggle his brother...suddenly Shane is crying and pulling on my leg. 

But what is it like for the  dominant twin to be born alone?  What happens to that Alpha energy when it has no expression within the twin pair?

MZ womb twin survivors - Alpha and Beta

Even when identical twins are so identical that you cant tell them apart, there is a follower and a leader. The follower is the Beta twin and the leader is the Alpha twin.

The curious thing is that womb twin survivors become identified with  their lost twin. They are the strong Alpha survivor, but they carry a little bit of Beta somewhere inside them, which holds them back and stops them from developing their potential.

When they act out the Beta side to themselves, they feel  as if they are invisible, of no account, powerless, helpless and weak.  All these feelings are difficult and painful. When they act out the Alpha side to themselves they feel strong, all powerful, dominant,  the No.1. Obviously the Alpha side is to be preferred, but even when the Alpha side is being acted out there are feelings of unease, guilt, even shame about acting in the way.

The only way to act out both sides is to create an amalgam of both, and live that way.  So one acts like an Alpha, but in a Beta kind of way. 

Healing (28) Healing negativity

There is a grey cloud with me always. It hovers just out of sight. It does not lie within me, but outside of me. It is Other. It is a brooding, silent presence of mystery, it is sadness and desolation. In it there is no hope, no joy. All my life I have tried to explain the cloud that haunts me by pretending it is part of me. I have walked a way of inner emptiness. I have quelled all desire and yearning. I have used all my inner strength for this sacrifice. I have surrendered all these things and handed over my life. I have become nothing, without feeling, without desire. I am grey. I have become the cloud.

Pride, is it said, is the father of all sin. I would put it differently: it is the father of all negativity. Pride is the deliberate concealment of shame by denial. This careful concealment is a fearful, rigid, negative and deadening place. Sometimes negativity is mistaken for something other than pride, but if we take a close look we will find pride there.

Fearful
If you deny feeling shame then you are blinding yourself to the consequences of your actions. You may do this by pretending that the shameful thing you are doing (or not doing) isn't happening. Alternatively, you may pretend that the thing you are doing (or choosing not to do) is nothing to be ashamed of. Either way exposure is to be feared.

Healing (26) Coping with chaos

Womb twin survivors have a deep sense of things being “ not quite right”. This may be expressed in a bodily way as vague, minor physical ailments that resist all treatment. The sense of inner disturbance may find an outlet as erratic mood swings or irrational rage. An inner sense of being “ in a complete mess” may be expressed on the home environment, as a cluttered mess of things left undone or not cleared up.

The three steps towards healing chaos is first to understand it; second to realise it and third to sort it out.

UNDERSTANDING INNER CHAOS
A sense of inner chaos may be understood as a reflection of the Dream of the Womb. Somewhere in the Dream there is a sense of something properly constituted falling into disintegration. This may be a lost memory of a blighted ovum, that never really made it into any kind of ordered existence.

Perhaps there is a vague impression of a foetus papyraceous, that was developing quite normally but began to disintegrate, until it was just a bag of bones.

Healing (19) Dominance and Alpha power

Assumed submission
Self-esteem is the key to personal power. It is the value you place on yourself. If you are an Alpha wombtwin survivor and you have deliberately thrown away your Alpha power, then you may be stuck in a “beta” space where you are acting out the life of your Beta wombtwin rather than your own. (Plus lashings of shame at your weakness of character, to provide a much-needed vehicle for survivor guilt.) This is a kind of assumed submission.

In this case you will say you “suffer from low self esteem” but this is a self-inflicted wound. Evidence of your talents mounts daily and it is becoming increasingly clear that you are not using them. Why you are not using them is a mystery to you, but you feel powerless to begin. Your self esteem may be low because you have chosen to put a low value on yourself as a person; you are assuming, quite wrongly, that other people hardly notice you at all and generally speaking you feel powerless.

In truth you have as much power as anyone else. You just don’t want power: you have given it away.

Being a womb twin survivor (4) The death of hope?

Yesterday I spoke to a friend with Bi Polar disorder. We have been discussing the possibility that she is a womb twin survivor and I am about to send her a copy of my new book "Womb Twin Survivors" to help her make up her mind about that.

But one thing she said has remained with me : "I sometimes wish I could just lie down and die." She was at pains to let me know that she had no intention of killing herself, she just wanted to see an end to the suffering she experiences, over and over again, each time she plunges into despair.

Chapter 19: Difficult feelings

Free-floating feelings

If you are a womb twin survivor and have not yet been able fully to unravel your Dream of the Womb, then your feelings may not make much sense to you at the moment.  To make sense of them you will probably have created some seemingly irrational beliefs in order to find a place for these free-floating feelings to come to rest.  Free-floating feelings are very disturbing and unsettling to experience and can make you feel as if you are going crazy.  In this chapter we will see how they are in fact perfectly rational when considered in the context of the Dream of the Womb. 

I have a problem with expressing anger - either there is too much or too little

Anger is a strong and powerful emotion.  The appropriate expression of strength and personal power by means of anger is a problem for many womb twin survivors.  Finding it difficult to express your personal power is related to the two-fold character of the womb twin survivor.  If you are a womb twin survivor, you probably spend most of your life re-enacting the life of your weaker, Beta twin while knowing that you are the strong Alpha survivor.  This dual existence creates an inner conflict about who you are and how to express your personal power.  There is a variety of ways to resolve this split.  Some people adopt the public false face of their weaker Beta twin while keeping private their true Alpha feelings. 

Irene: I never get angry

Irene has claimed for years that she “never gets angry.”  She avoids confrontation wherever she can.  She just smiles and continues to “comply” in a false, exaggerated way.  She seems to be completely unaware that her behaviour is very provocative.  When other people are driven to anger by her false compliance, Irene is privately critical of their lack of control over their own anger.  She admits no anger or irritation, only to “feeling disappointed” that people do not behave as calmly as she would wish.

When you deny your normal, angry feelings in this way to keep your 

Beta twin alive in your life, your powerful Alpha feelings will need to find an outlet.  However, to preserve your adopted “Beta status” they must remain hidden.  Denied an outlet, angry feelings develop into a bitter indignation at having been “treated unfairly.”  If you can’t remember some unfair or cruel treatment you can always exaggerate a small slight into a major episode of “rejection.”  Alternatively, if there is no place for your floating anger to settle, you may simply look for reasons to be angry with yourself. 

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A partial eclipse

I have been watching the sun being eclipsed - at least partially.  I was seeking a poetic metaphor that may speak to womb twin survivors: The light that was seemingly stolen from the sun was only on loan for a while, and was returned.

Eclipsed


I grew strong and vital,  another grew with me.

I stretched my feet and he was there, mute and still.

My beloved moon wandered slowly across me

I shrank to make room for him, that he may shine.





Now he has passed by and I may shine brightly

But I wish that the light of my life was still dimmed.

That partial eclipse has stolen my light 
But I gladly gave light to him, that he may shine.





In the night's darkness his shining is gentle

His sweet light returns to me, time after time

When he is dimmed I feel strong tides within me

I lent him my light, so his moonshine remains.





But where did I go when his darkness passed by me?

My light was unseen, yet it burned in me still

I know now, the light that I lent to him gladly

Is returned to my inner life, that I may shine.


I hope you will forgive this moment of self-indulgence on my part, and find something in this for you. The alpha energy within you is always there, like the light of the sun  is always shining behind the moon in an eclipse. You give it willingly away to preserve the memory of your twin.  Its OK to claim it back.