How twins are made : watch it happen!

Watch these eggs, they have much to teach us!

Identical twins come first....



And then the fraternal (dizygotic) twins.....



But what if you are not sure?

These twin sisters never knew if they were identical or not... till they had a DNA test!



Identical twins don't have to be exactly the same. One can be considerably weaker than the other and may not even make it to birth, leaving a lonely MZ womb twin survivor, carrying a lifelong imprint of an important little person, always somewhere near at hand.

Healing Narcissus: turning round the energy

I believe that the problem with Narcissus is that as he gazes upon his reflection to the exclusion of all else, that all the energy goes inwards towards self protection, maintaining a sense of self-worth and literally trying to stay alive.

These pictures may serve to illustrate how this comes about when MZ twins are developing in the womb but one dies.....

Narcissus: behavioural perfectionism

Are you a perfectionist?

Here is a test for you to find out.

Some of the statements in this questionnaire  are related to your behavior:
Notice how some of them are to do with being second rate, or No 2. ( Remember that Narcissus cannot cope with being No 2, because in the Dream of the Womb the Beta twin does not survive.

• Organization is very important to me.
• If I do not set the highest standards for myself, I am likely to end up a second-rate person
• It is important to me that I be thoroughly competent in everything I do.
• If I fail at work/school, I am a failure as a person. 
• If someone does a task at work/school better than me, then I feel like I failed the whole task.
• If I fail partly, it is as bad as being a complete failure.
• Even when I do something very carefully, I often feel that it is not quite done right.
• I hate being less than the best at things.
• If I do not do as well as other people, it means I am an inferior human being.
• I expect higher performance in my daily tasks than most people.

Now lets look at how this may relate to low self esteem:

Narcissus: why empathetic failure hurts

Imagine that you are a tiny twin embryo, for many weeks moving in perfect synch with your identical twin:



But then,  because your twin dies, you are left alone.....



What would you miss?

Narcissus and his twin - the myth

It is becoming increasingly clear to me that the myth of Narcissus is about the lost identical twin. That means that what we call "Narcissistic personality disorder" is not a disorder at all, but a perfectly normal response to the loss of your own identical twin before birth, if you are a monozygotic (MZ) womb twin survivor.

Consider the myth: as related on a special site about narcissism

In this tale, told by Roman poet Ovid and remembered for his verses on love, a young girl named Echo falls in love with a vain youth named Narcissus. He was the son of a woman that the river god had encircled with the windings of his streams, thus trapping and seducing her. Worried for her son’s welfare, she consulted a prophet regarding his future. The prophet reports: Narcissus "will live to a ripe old age, as long as he never knows himself."

One day when Narcissus was out hunting, Echo follows the handsome youth through the woods, longing to address him but unable to speak first. When Narcissus finally heard her footsteps he shouted "Who goes there?" Echo answered "...goes there? ...goes there?" And so it went, until finally Echo showed herself and rushed to embrace Narcissus. He pulled away and vainly told her to leave him alone. Narcissus left Echo heartbroken and she spent the rest of her life lonely and pining away for the love she never knew. Only her voice remained. 

Eventually Narcissus became thirsty and went to drink from a stream. As he saw his reflection, he fell in love with it, not knowing that it was him. As he bent down to kiss it, it seemed to "run away" and he was heartbroken. He grew thirstier but he wouldn't touch the water for fear of damaging his reflection, so he eventually died of thirst and staring at his own reflection. The narcissus flower is closely identified with the boy and was said to spring from the ground around the pool where Narcissus died. In the roman version it is suggested that Narcissus is transformed into the flower.

As life would have it, the desire for connection, understanding, and proximity to the other becomes so great…that the longing kills Narcissus.

Multiples: a pair of identical twins who were once multiples

When we see  a pair of identical twins, what are we seeing? Are they truly the result of a single zygote splitting into two?  Or did that zygote split again once, creating triplets, or twice, creating quads?  Its a varied and confusing picture  when you start to think of additional splits. This image shows how triplets can be formed - 3 single zygotes, one single zygote and an MZ pair and a single zygote that splits twice.

When one zygote splits twice but two of the tiny embryos die, the resultant twin pair will share the same genes, as monozygotic twins all do, but they will both be womb twin survivors.

And then there is the question of the timing of the various splits - it's all crucial to the outcome......

MZ womb twin survivors - the road to healing

A healing path for a MZ womb twin survivor

Find a responsive relationship

You have been searching for yourself, as you naturally would, in terms of a dying, unresponsive Someone. The healing is to find yourself a living very responsive other person, who is prepared to tell you the truth about yourself in an atmosphere of love and respect. In those responses you may begin to see yourself as others see you.

MZ womb twin survivors - Alpha and Beta

Even when identical twins are so identical that you cant tell them apart, there is a follower and a leader. The follower is the Beta twin and the leader is the Alpha twin.

The curious thing is that womb twin survivors become identified with  their lost twin. They are the strong Alpha survivor, but they carry a little bit of Beta somewhere inside them, which holds them back and stops them from developing their potential.

When they act out the Beta side to themselves, they feel  as if they are invisible, of no account, powerless, helpless and weak.  All these feelings are difficult and painful. When they act out the Alpha side to themselves they feel strong, all powerful, dominant,  the No.1. Obviously the Alpha side is to be preferred, but even when the Alpha side is being acted out there are feelings of unease, guilt, even shame about acting in the way.

The only way to act out both sides is to create an amalgam of both, and live that way.  So one acts like an Alpha, but in a Beta kind of way. 

MZ womb twin survivors: The missing half

When you see living twins, there is no doubt that they are well adapted to having each other around.  This video shows how  twins don't necessarily disturb each other and one may cry and wiggle about while the other continues to sleep.




As in the womb, so in life. The twins regard each other as simply part of the Way Things Are. They have been together since they were aware of anything at all.

The sole survivor, left alone when their monozygotic twin dies, is used to there being two.

As Julie Rae wrote in her poem, that introduces part one of Womb Twin survivors -The lost twin in the Dream of the Womb:

As I pushed through
into this bright, noisy world alone
there should have been two
there should have been you...
I miss you.

Do you have a sense of being only half?
 Do you seek out a Best Friend to make you feel complete?
Do you feel stronger when there is somone else around who is very similar to you?
Do you always notice identical twins  and  feel a pang of longing?

If you do, you may be a monozygotic womb twin survivor and your twin is still, even  years later, part of the Way Things Are.

Monozygotic (MZ) womb twin survivors: the physical signs

After many years of  browsing journal articles and so forth, I have been able to compile a list of some of the physical signs that  are to be found in the survivor  when a monozygotic twin dies.  The zygote is the huge original cell that results from the merging of the mothers egg with the fathers sperm.  The zygote is the first form taken by the new individual, who is genetically unique and has never been seen before.

The zygote divides into 2, those 2 divide again to make 4 and so on, to create a mass of cells that eventually developes into a fetus, a baby and an adult. The process of cell division continues today and keeps you alive, because as some of your cells inevitably die there are plenty more new ones to keep you going.

Now it can happen that, at some time between the first and the fifteenth day, the developing zygote divides, but the two halves separate into two separate individuals - this is mono zygotic twinning.  The two individuals develop into two babies - we call them Identical twins but they are quite distinct from each other in various subtle ways, and however alike they may look they are two different people with different lives.

Womb twin survivors misdiagnosed: (1) "Narcissistic" personality disorder

 Here are some of the so- called " symptoms" of what some experts call "Narcissistic Personality Disorder":

• Self-centered and boastful
• Seek constant attention and admiration
• Consider themselves better than others
• Exaggerate their talents and achievements
• Believe that they are entitled to special treatment

That doesn't sound like a list anyone would want to admit to! It makes such people sound really arrogant and unpleasant.  Not nice to know at all......

A narcissistic person captivated by her image in the mirror

But I think that we need to take another look at these "symptoms".

I dont think there is anything "pathological" at all in these characteristics. I think what we see as "narcissism" is in fact nothing more than the normal character of the sole survivor of an identical twin  pair.

If you once had an identical twin, long ago, before you were born, would you not be focused absolutely on an image of yourself?  Would you not focus your energy inwardly, in order to maintain a weaker, less adequate part of you, of which you are exquisitely conscious and which is infinitely delicate and in need of special treatment?

Would you not seek out others just like you and  want to see yourself reflected in their eyes?  The Greek myth of Narcissus reflects this so perfectly that I am sure that this is the deepest meaning of this ancient myth.

Narcissus captivated by his image in the lake, ignoring poor Echo, who loved him so.....

 Echo and Narcissus

I, Echo, stand unheard and voiceless -
Save the last fragments of your voice in the air.
Yet what a language there is in the looking and feeling; in the isolation and repudiation!
Here is a silent story of unimaginable pain, of rejection and loneliness
Of hatred and love in equal measure.
I don't see your face but the back of your neck as you gaze endlessly upon your reflection
Seeking and never finding; lost and always out of reach.

Over the long years I have watched you fading into something insubstantial;
I have watched the stillness of your grief, transfixed upon tragedy
Yet rejoicing in your own triumph over death.
I see Someone is there for you,
But for me he is not there, he lures you away from me
He consumes you, he repudiates me.
Each moment is a moment of utter contradiction.

Surely you live a life of confused imaginings where life can be death;
Where love can be hate; where continued being can be total annihilation
And birth must mean death.

That world is not mine. It is your world
Created out of perpetual re-enactment of a primal tragedy.
Amid the wordless language of your still gaze upon the lake, communication is complete.
I too am grieving for you, my heart's desire. I too am searching for you never to find you.
I too am repudiated yet I too still remain loyal, I also have been annihilated -
Yet I manage, by inches, to exist.

For myself, only love and desire remain in an echo of what once was.
It is desire that consumes me, yet desire helps me to survive.
In eternal loyalty I resolve to stand sentinel at your grief
'Till death us will unite.

How identical twins aren' t identical

I interrupt my April study of the medical signs of a twin conception to bring you this, which arrived in my inbox today via the Vanishing Twin forum.
A scientist in Montreal has finally proven what a lot of people have been finding -  that "identical" twins aren't identical.  Read it here, you will be amazed. 


But after sequencing the DNA of twins and their parents, and looking at one million differences between their genes, Singh concluded that twins are not actually identical.  "Our results have really forced everyone to rethink the idea that identical twins are actually identical," he said.


In writing the new book "Womb twin survivors"  I describe the sole survivors of monozygotic (MZ) , dizygotic (DZ) and multiple conceptions. I had to struggle with  difficult terns like MONOZYGOTIC  to  describe identical twins, because they arise out of one zygote and look very similar but I discovered early on they are do NOT have identical genes. This new study seems to prove that very nicely.
Epigentics rule! What happens before birth influences you for the whole of your life, be you MZ or not  - as if womb twin survivors need convincing of that, but science is after all a very slow process of proving the obvious......
So if you are a monozygotic (MZ) wombtwin survivor,  rest assured that your other half was not exactly like you - another version of yourself.   Your MZ twin was so different from you that he or she didn't survive to birth as you did. You are a unique individual, not a clone.
The Montreal study also casts doubt on every piece of twin research ever conducted, which relies on comparing MZ twins with DZ twins, on the assumption that MZ twins share a complete set of genes - wrong.


My new book did not come out a moment too soon!
Mixed reviews so far, but then it's 375 pages, 70 illustrations, 300 references plus appendices.  It's so packed with information it will take a lot of reading before we get a true result, but I thought it would be fun to record the first responses: 

• "Beautiful and fascinating."
• "The pages will make a good starter for my wood burner......." 
• "Can't wait to receive my copy...."

The narcissistic womb twin survivor (6) entitlement

The sixth characteristic of identical womb twin survivors and also of narcissism, is a sense of entitlement.

If you ever needed convincing that narcissism is a reenactment of a series of prebirth events, then this is it.

Lets consider what that sense of " entitlement" means in practice. It means that one demands the right to do what one wishes, havge what one wants and be allowed freedom of movement and action. Observe the  narcissistic person in traffic, and see the rage at benig obstructed by another vehicle moving slowly or not movong way sufficiently speedily from the traffic lights. Notice the narcissisitic child, who flouts rules, restrictions and al forms of limitation to his or her freedom of will.

So let us imagine the feeling of being "only half ", which is the first experience of the identical twin. Then the initial survival struggle,which is more or less intense, depending on the relative weakness and  total lifespan of the Beta twin.Finally the sense of being  alone, free, the inheritor of all.

If it is true that womb twin survivors spend their lives reenacting their Dream of Womb, then the life of the  MZ womb twin survivor will follow the womb story of two MZ twins who were together for a while but one was left alone, the inheritor of all.

The womb story would include the initial sense of being half, and a survival struggle, which would be more or less intense, depending on the relative weakness and total lifespan of the Beta twin. Finally, the sense of being the inheritor of all, with total freedom of movement and all the food and oxygen that was once shared.

In born life, to keep the Dream alive, the narcissistic person's will must remain unfetttered, regardless of how tactless or inappopriate it may be.  Sadly, what applied in the womb does not apply in born life, where rights must be matched by responsibilities towards others.  As a result narcissistic behaviour is universally condemned. But that also suits the secret purposes  of the identical womb  twin survivor, who  lives with a perpetual sense of shame and guilt at being alive. The condemnation feels appropriate in the circumstances and is often triggered by totally unreasonable and self defeating behaviour to make matters worse.

There is much more to say on this, but I will leave Narcissus for a while and take a close look at Gemini. Tomorrow I will begin a six part series of blogs about the dizygotic ( fraternal) womb twin survivor, whose story is completely different, biologically, psychologically and spiritually.

The narcissistic womb twin survivor (5) need for attention

What is narcissism? [see here for details]

Read more  here:

  

Probably the most characteristic sign of a narcissistic individual is the way they invariably end up being the centre of attention.  They have a subtle but highly effective way to capture the energy around them. They may do it the POSITIVE way, by being good, clever, gifted, talented, beautiful etc. Alternatively they may do it in a NEGATIVE way, by breaking rules/ boundaries, making a noise, causing trouble, having tantrums etc.

To relate this to being an identical twin survivor is quite simple: all you have to do is to examine how you feel when you are with them. If you are with  someone who always claims the centre stage, that puts  them in the No1 position while by default you are forced to adopt the No 2 position.

Here is a typical and often repeated example:a narsissistic individual attended one of my seminar/workshops. She was so dominant in the group that 10 other people listened in silence to her long story and complied with her wishes, which was to carry out a workshop on a different topic to the one suggested, with herself at the centre. I felt ignored and overlooked and as if I did not exist. Myself and the rest of the group were demoted to onlookers rather than active participants. This woman is an MZ womb twin survivor and she knows that. She had come to the worshop out of desperation, needing my help.

Here was her Beta self, of dependency and vulnerability, concealed behind her great skill and power to manipulate a group of people  into compliance with her wishes ( Alpha energy). The two energies worked together in her personality, Alpha and Beta, each with a different need: the Alpha demanded absolute power and the Beta was a Black Hole of neediness.

Only in the centre of  a supportive group could the healing proceed, for the MZ womb twin survivor does not know if he or she is in the land of the living or in the land of the dead. This doubt in her own existance in this world was clearly communicated to me, so that I ceased to exist and had no power or voice. I became her Beta twin and her Alpha could rule the roost for the next hour and a half.

The daily practice of dominating people, and from time to time giving them a severe case of existantial doubt, was this persons way to try and heal herself of the Alpha/Bete split in her psyche.  The life of a sole surviving MZ twin is not easy.

The narcissistic womb twin survivor (3) ideal love

The criterion today is one left from yesterday that has the strongest connection to the loss of a twin:

(2)  is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.


The question of IDEAL LOVE


There is within the narcissistic womb twin survivor a constant yearning for the lost half of themselves.

http://www.narcissismfree.com/the-narcissus-myth.php

The falsely contructed illusion is one of perfection where the narcissist is unable to perceive that he has any flaws, however the world around him and the people in it are all deeply flawed. He seeks out perfection in others to find his ideal love or true match. Although he may initially believe he has found his perfect partner, he is quickly disappointed when the partner begins to invite him to see another perspective that isn't based on his image of perfection. [more from this site]

There have been countless attempts to explain why this yearning exists, and why  it is so all-consuming.  It seems to be love for oneself, but in this case the self is in the mirror, in every way reversed.  Yet to keep gazing upon this mirror image of himself Narcissus ignored everyone else, including the Nymph, Echo, who loved him deeply, focused only on this life-long, self-imposed task and in the end died alone and unfulfilled.

Echo and Narcissus (a poem)

My small experience of identical (MZ) womb twin survivors shows that they are deeply concerned about themselves, as if they have a deep sense of weakness, inadequacy and failure that they must constantly seek to overcome. The only answer is to be reunited with their lost other half. This is the ideal relationship that would make them whole again. Narcissism is therefore a perfectly reasonable, but misplaced attempt to replace the irreplaceable.  It is futile, but nevertheless the yearning remains, even until death.

[There is more about this in my latest book, Womb Twin Survivors]

The narcissistic womb twin survivor (2) self-worth

The DSM criterion in this case is:

2)  is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love [see here]

SELF WORTH.  The fantasy of being the very best, most brilliant etc. This is a question of "self worth", which is of major importance to the MZ womb twin survivor.   They translate a slight uneasiness at being here at all (let alone inheriting all the womb space food etc when their twin died) into the issue of self worth.  Because deep down they feel undeserving, they must justify their existence and will insist that they are "worth it"  or they "deserve it."  The real situation, the real memory, is that they were the one to survive, when their twin did not, which means they truly were the strongest and fittest to survive. But that strength is now a major emotional issue.  Survivor guilt takes all the joy out  of it. Also, closely identified with their own Beta twin, the MZ womb twin survivor readily feels small, useless and "thrown away."

What a conflict! What a paradox! To know that at the very beginning of your life you truly were the superior one, yet in born life to feel as if you are not of any value at all. To carry these contradictory feelings all at the same time!  That is a difficult balance to maintain.

The only way to find balance is to try and excel at what you do and and make much of it, never letting anyone forget how wonderful you are, for fear they they will see the anxious little Beta face behind the Alpha mask.....

Homosexuality and womb twin survivors

When identical twins differ in their sexual orientation, this makes for an interesting exchange of views, as this Hub page demonstrates:

Two identical brothers, one gay, one straight, argue the issue of same-sex marriage.
Read more here

But  the whole argument is based on several false premises

1.  That all monozygotic twins are genetically identical  - WRONG
2.  That a twin pair is, and has always been, just a twin pair   - WRONG
3.  That same-sex marriage is do to with sexuality and adult feelings - WRONG.

We need to think again:

1. Even in the first split of the single zygote there can be inequalities or  anomalies ( see mirror twins, Turners syndrome)

2. As I explained in a previous post when we see a twin pair we may be seeing a reduced multiple set, or triplets or even quads

3. The desire for a same sex marriage is a pre-birth story on both sides,  of two womb twin survivors who are trying to reinstate their missing twin. Where each is the sole survivor of a triplet set, they may even want to have children to  completely restore their Dream of the Womb.   It gets complicated. Ask anyone in a codependent relationship about their desire for a Twin Soul.)

When is a twin, a twin?

The comment on yesterdays post set me thinking again about, what is a twin?  When we see a twin pair walking about, what are we looking at?

IDENTICAL ( monozygotic) twins

• They may be two survivors of a monozygotic triplet or even a quadruplet set.
• There could have been a third, non-identical embryo that was there for just a little while. That is common in IVF where more than one embryo is transferred. Monozygotic twins are more often found in IVF pregnancies than naturally conceived pregnancies.

FRATERNAL ( dizygotic twins)

• There may have been an extra non-identical embryo  (or more than one) that only lived for a little while
• One of the twins may be the sole survivor of a monozygotic pair
• Each twin may be the survivor of a different monozygotic pair (originally a quadruplet pregnancy)

A twin, surely is someone who was conceived as a twin and that is all that happened - there were no other embryos that were there  for a while. If there  was another embryo, perhaps more than one, these twins are both womb triplet survivors.

We now know that the loss of a  womb mate before birth has a profound physical and psychological effect on the survivor and that effect varies with zygosity.  That means that fraternal twins may include a monozygotic womb twin survivor,  and it is known that monozygotic womb twin survivors are at particular risk of such things as cerebral palsy and developmental abnormalities such as split organs.  This is not mention the psychological effects, which the WombTwin research project has only just begun to explore.  (More here)

Twin research is at risk of getting false results if they dont take this important factor into account.

Chapter 11: The grief of a lone twin

This chapter will explore various aspects of the grief of the lone twin.  If your twin died, it will hopefully also reassure you that it is natural, in the circumstances, to have feelings of grief about your twin.  The grief of twin-loss is completely different from the grief engendered by other family bereavement experiences, such as a parent, sister or brother.  Few people understand this difference.  If you are the only womb twin survivor in the family, you may end up totally isolated in your grief.
The death of your own co-twin can be a catastrophe. Your entire inner world, constructed since conception around your personal role as a twin, is completely shattered. 

The twin bond
The grief that twins experience when their twin dies is without equal anywhere in the field of human relations, for nowhere else in human life is the love so deep.  We grieve as much as we love and we love as much as we are bonded to one another.  The grief feels as acute as the bond is deep.  The bond between twins is the closest bond in Nature, so is all the  more painful when the bond is broken.
    The twin bond differs from all other possible attachment bonds formed in the lifetime of a human being. Twins live entwined lives at every level imaginable.  For a twin, the twin bond is the primary and deepest attachment bond to which all other attachment bonds are subservient.   This unique bond begins at conception and lasts a lifetime; it truly is life-long and transcends even death.

A foetal assumption
The twin bond formed in the womb arises out of a “foetal assumption.”  The foetus, knowing no other situation since the beginning of life, can be said to take for granted that the co-twin has Always Been There and is simply part of The Way Things Are.  So the deepest attachment bond of all is not created in the same way as other attachment bonds formed in born life. The twin bond is formed out of the certain knowledge of a consistent Presence, somewhere close by.  It has been pointed out that this deep childhood attachment is not some kind of infantile dependency and is particularly string bwteen MZ twins. Like all other strong human attachments, the twin bond is necessary for the development of both twins, throughout their lives. 

A preoccupation with the co-twin
For twins, the whole idea of twinning itself is a major preoccupation, with particular emphasis on their own pair.  DZ  twins differ markedly from MZ twins in the way they relate to others, such as in the way they make and share their friends.  MZ twins may share as many as half of their friends, but then they share so much already and have always done so since their earliest days.  DZ twins share fewer - about 25% for same sex and only 5% for opposite sex. Opposite-sex twins may end up at different schools and spend much of their lives living separately.  The bond between opposite sex DZ twins is much less intimate than same-sex DZ twins and MZ twins.  MZ twins sometimes end up marrying another set of MZ twins and living very close to each other.  Clearly, only another MZ twin would understand and empathize with the need to speak to one’s co-twin several times a day.

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