Narcissus: bullying - a way of restoring the original twin bond

The monozygotic twin bond is closer, more enduring and more emotionally loaded than any other kind of relationship.  But when we think of Narcissus as a womb twin survivor,  we see someone who is bonded for life to his twin,  so he will seek his twin in others, and attempt to replicate the original bond.

But in the Dream is a weaker, more vulnerable version of himself. So in the reenactment of their dream, the Alpha womb twin survivor seeks out weaker and more vulnerable versions of himself.  This is how he may become a bully, for his need is paradoxical - he seeks out a vulnerable little person.  But he wishes that other person to be equally strong - as strong as he is.  Only then may the original twin bond be restored - the twin bond that was there long ago, before the Beta twin died.

Being a womb twin survivor (4) The death of hope?

Yesterday I spoke to a friend with Bi Polar disorder. We have been discussing the possibility that she is a womb twin survivor and I am about to send her a copy of my new book "Womb Twin Survivors" to help her make up her mind about that.

But one thing she said has remained with me : "I sometimes wish I could just lie down and die." She was at pains to let me know that she had no intention of killing herself, she just wanted to see an end to the suffering she experiences, over and over again, each time she plunges into despair.

A womb twin survivors story

This was sent to me anonymously very recently:

If this is your story or you have a similar story, please make contact.   I can help.

I am dyslexic. I had insomnia from being a baby and always felt different, alone, mute and like I shouldn’t be here...years before I knew I was a twin. A nursery nurse when I was four described me as ‘a very solemn little girl’. I first attempted suicide when I was eight and failing, told my mum I had done it because : ‘I shouldn’t be here. I don’t want to be here.’  I did whatever I could to please everyone as a child and the thought i had done anything wrong, upset or hurt anyone made me suicidal with despair. 


If I saw poverty or famine or war on TV I felt helpless and pointless. I self harmed throughout childhood because I felt constantly guilty and didn’t know why. I thought I was innately bad and everyone else was innately good.  I wanted to be good, to fit in, to belong, but I constantly felt not human, like I was pretending to be human, wearing a mask, which made me a fraud. 


As I got older the insomnia got so bad I wouldn’t sleep for days on end. I stopped even going to bed. Then I stopped eating. Then I stopped going to school. By the age of twelve I had left school and was smoking, drinking and began using drugs. By eighteen I was alcohol dependant and a heroin addict. I used to attempt suicide by staging ‘accidents’. 


All my life I’ve felt in limbo, neither a part of this world and not apart of any other. Then, after getting clean off heroin, getting two jobs, getting a first class degree and getting all sorts of awards in a matter of six months I just went to a bridge and tried to jump off it.  I was diagnosed with manic depression and said to have had a psychotic episode. 


I work.  I succeed at the things i do.  I feel love for people.  I don’t whinge or blame or hate.  I don’t remember ever feeling hate for anyone or anything.  I think life can be beautiful and this world too...but I just haven’t ever felt like I should be here.  Half of me isn’t even here and I felt that before I knew I was a twin. 


I don’t know whether my chronic loneliness, mute-ness and feeling like I shouldn’t be here is anything to do with having been a ‘Womb Twin Survivor’.   I’d never heard of it before or thought that might be why I don’t remember a time I didn’t feel like half of me is missing. Just my story.


More about the support I can offer here

When despair overcomes hope, and suicide results.

I heard yesterday that my friend (who is most probably a womb twin survivor but was not open to it when I mentioned it to her) had died.

She committed suicide.

She didn't choose life. She chose death.

To die is for the pain of living to end at last.  Womb twin survivors find life so very hard - just the fact that you are alive is a problem.

I will not be able to prevent many hundreds of thousands of womb twin survivors from choosing death over life in the next few years. However, I will try very, very hard to get a fresh understanding of why wonderful people like my dear friend, filled with life and humour; kind and compassionate creatures filled with love and surrounded by love, want to kill themselves.  Occasionally, they succeed.

I do not understand it now, but I will. I am determined to do this. And I will take with me the spirits of the many people I have known who are womb twin survivors but who lost the battle against despair.  I was unable to help them because I don't know enough. I will try to learn, but I need help.

If you ever felt suicidal, and you are a womb twin survivor, with proof or without, talk to me about  your suicidal ideas and attempts.  Its all confidential, you can be anonymous if you wish.

Leave a comment here or email me today and let's try and reduce this tragic waste of beautiful people.

Murder suicide again!

So once again the pattern is replicated: a young man plans his suicide, and kills himself, but before he does so he kills others.

A gun rampage. they call it.

I have said before, and I will say it again. We need to investigate suicide, and in particular murder suicide, in terms of perbirth experience.

Robert Hawkins, 19, from Bellevue, Nebraska, was a quiet loner who had been treated for depression, was like a lost puppy wanting to be rescued. He had left home for reasons that were not quite clear and felt life was meaningless. He obviously felt utterly abandoned and alone and did not want to live any more.

That painful and terrible loneliness was exacerbated by the loss of his girlfriend. It is possible that this poor man died because it was just too painful for him to live? Feeling abandoned, feeling terribly alone even among friends, feeling depressed and wanting to die are all feelings familiar to wombtwin survivors. Wombtwin survivors are not all murderers, of course, but is it possible that some people filled with murderous rage are wombtwin survivors? We dont know - not because we cannot know- but simply because we have not learned to ask the right questions.

The right question is: why did this man not want to live?

Will someone - anyone - at least consider the possibility that this man was a wombtwin survivor? Will anyone ask his mother about her pregnancy? No. People will shake their heads in despair and wonder what the country/world is coming to, while a silent prebirth story is being acted out by desperate people. No one knows how to articulate this prebirth story except in terms of mindless violence and death.

We need to carry out more research into the possible pre-birth origins of murder and murder suicide in particular. The therapy is already in place, but no one has yet learned to identify who needs the therapy.

If anyone out there wants to know more about how this therapy may be applied, get in touch.