Tales for the journey: Caterpillar (Belief in yourself)

 This is a story about two caterpillars, who lived in a garden long ago.  Every day they wandered up and down the leafy stems and munched at the succulent leaves, and watched the butterflies flying overhead landing lightly on a twig, folding their wings against the rain or opening them to the sun.

The two caterpillars, Clara and Carl, did not have much to say to each other, for they were engaged in the process of eating, growing and becoming large enough to turn into butterflies.  Their friendship was a silent one, as they crawled and munched.  Carl wanted to become a truly wonderful butterfly.  He often thought about the strong and wonderful painted wings he would have when he was changed in the magical chrysalis.  Carl dreamed and dreamed until all he could see- all he could think about- were his dreams of his wonderful, painted wings.  His dreams were clearer when he kept his eyes shut, so he often hung there, replete with leaves, sleeping and dreaming of better things.

Clara was ashamed of being a caterpillar. She felt fat and furry and hated the fact that she must crawl on the ground while the others were already butterflies, fluttering in the sunshine. She wanted so much to fly, she often dreamed about it, and in her dream she flew effortlessly into the sky soaring and turning, visiting every flower in the garden.

She resented being a caterpillar so much and however much she ate, however hard she tried, she stayed a caterpillar. Every day she asked Carl to get out his magic mirror and she would look at herself in it.  Sure enough there she was, her own eyes and face, but the body of a caterpillar behind them.

A healing path (4) relationships - unworthiness

If there is one thing that this work demonstrates most clearly, it is that the Dream of the Womb is  kept alive by a series of personal decisions.  These decisions come together into a kind of complex, which neatly describes the feelings that are there in the Dream, yet are acted out in born life.

Take for example a general feeling of "Unworthiness."

A healing path (4) relationships - lack of will power

There are many people who say they "lack will power".  They appear as weak personalities with little assertiveness and an all-pervading sense of helplessness.  Reflection on this reveals that a “lack of will power” is an illusion, based on two assumptions:

1. The assumption that the person has no will, or wish or want in a given situation.
2. The assumption that, should a wish, will or want appear in the consciousness, it would be a difficult, wrong, dangerous or fearful thing for that person to express.

For some, one of these assumptions is more powerful than the other. If the first assumption is dominant, then where they may have expressed their free will, instead they will make statements such as:

• I have/had no choice
• I have no rights

If the second assumption is dominant, then they may make statements such as like:

• I don’t mind
• I have no idea

Narcissus: bullying - a way of restoring the original twin bond

The monozygotic twin bond is closer, more enduring and more emotionally loaded than any other kind of relationship.  But when we think of Narcissus as a womb twin survivor,  we see someone who is bonded for life to his twin,  so he will seek his twin in others, and attempt to replicate the original bond.

But in the Dream is a weaker, more vulnerable version of himself. So in the reenactment of their dream, the Alpha womb twin survivor seeks out weaker and more vulnerable versions of himself.  This is how he may become a bully, for his need is paradoxical - he seeks out a vulnerable little person.  But he wishes that other person to be equally strong - as strong as he is.  Only then may the original twin bond be restored - the twin bond that was there long ago, before the Beta twin died.

Healing (25) Towards more autonomy

Womb twin survivors are not very good at self sufficiency. They tend to be dependent on other people for various things, such as practical skills, encouragement or human company.

Now that you have sent your womb twin into the light and begun the process of waking from your Dream, one thing that you will notice at once is that you are now on your own, and your womb twin has gone. Yet this kind of “being alone” is not the same as being lonely or abandoned. This strange new sensation is in fact autonomy.

OUT OF THE SIDELINES
In your mind you have been sharing with your life with your womb twin and in a sense putting your life on hold for them. There is no need to do that now. You have been underplaying your talents and sitting in the sidelines, burdened with a sense of privilege at having so much. There is no need to sit on the sidelines now.

Womb Twin survivors misdiagnosed:(2) "Bipolar" disorder

Bi polar disorder is in my view not a "disorder" of any kind.

I think it is one of many ways in which womb twin survivors keep alive the deep prebirth impression of their womb twin.

When they are UP, cheerful, positive and full of creative energy they are in the Alpha space, being the strong Alpha womb twin survivor.

When they are DOWN  they are sad, weak, overwhelmed, unable to cope, and they are in the Beta space. They may cycle through these changes rapidly, within a few moments, or over many years. it is as if they cannot feel whole unless both sides are equally expressed in some way.

Here is an example: Jennifer has been called obsessive compulsive, ADD, and Bipolar. She believes the extreme verbal and mental abuse she received in her youth caused her to continue reliving the past in her mind.  When her mind was  obsessing on some negative notion of the past, she could not focus as she should.  She would erupt with great anger, as if she were  reminded by a similar incident of her past.

Constant resentful rumination on past hurts is a good antidote to Alpha energy.  Keeping negative energy, resentment in particular, alive is an excellent way to sabotage your  personal growth.

For a womb twin survivor who displays the symptoms of bipolar disorder, life has a balance and a kind of rough justice - that  one can be two people at once and never grow up or make anything of life. Never growing up is a good way to assuage survivor guilt.

Beta energy says NO

• N - Negative
• O - Overwhelming

Alpha energy says I CAN

• I - Intelligent thinking
•  C - Calm in spirit
• A - Alpha energy
• N - Newness of life