Healing (7) Understanding your anger

Feeling angry is a response to threat. It is fear that motivates anger in the first place.   If there is no real threat, then there need be no feelings of anger. The anger which is experienced by womb twin survivors arises out of their Dream of the Womb. It is never appropriate or proportionate, because it is always in response to some illusion of threat that exists only on the Dream. No such threat exists in reality. To the womb twin survivor the anger feels totally justified and absolutely appropriate.

Rage and anger is not considered an “aggressive disorder” as long as the anger is totally appropriate and proportionate to the threat. It follows then that womb twin survivors are more likely to be unnecessarily aggressive - even the people who are afraid to express anger for fear of the consequences.

Chapter 19: Difficult feelings

Free-floating feelings

If you are a womb twin survivor and have not yet been able fully to unravel your Dream of the Womb, then your feelings may not make much sense to you at the moment.  To make sense of them you will probably have created some seemingly irrational beliefs in order to find a place for these free-floating feelings to come to rest.  Free-floating feelings are very disturbing and unsettling to experience and can make you feel as if you are going crazy.  In this chapter we will see how they are in fact perfectly rational when considered in the context of the Dream of the Womb. 

I have a problem with expressing anger - either there is too much or too little

Anger is a strong and powerful emotion.  The appropriate expression of strength and personal power by means of anger is a problem for many womb twin survivors.  Finding it difficult to express your personal power is related to the two-fold character of the womb twin survivor.  If you are a womb twin survivor, you probably spend most of your life re-enacting the life of your weaker, Beta twin while knowing that you are the strong Alpha survivor.  This dual existence creates an inner conflict about who you are and how to express your personal power.  There is a variety of ways to resolve this split.  Some people adopt the public false face of their weaker Beta twin while keeping private their true Alpha feelings. 

Irene: I never get angry

Irene has claimed for years that she “never gets angry.”  She avoids confrontation wherever she can.  She just smiles and continues to “comply” in a false, exaggerated way.  She seems to be completely unaware that her behaviour is very provocative.  When other people are driven to anger by her false compliance, Irene is privately critical of their lack of control over their own anger.  She admits no anger or irritation, only to “feeling disappointed” that people do not behave as calmly as she would wish.

When you deny your normal, angry feelings in this way to keep your 

Beta twin alive in your life, your powerful Alpha feelings will need to find an outlet.  However, to preserve your adopted “Beta status” they must remain hidden.  Denied an outlet, angry feelings develop into a bitter indignation at having been “treated unfairly.”  If you can’t remember some unfair or cruel treatment you can always exaggerate a small slight into a major episode of “rejection.”  Alternatively, if there is no place for your floating anger to settle, you may simply look for reasons to be angry with yourself. 

(Order your copy today and save money! - offer ends 28.2.11)

The rage of the identical wombtwin survivor

Anger and rage are destructive forces. They destroy relationships, property and lives. However, this is not a blind force. It is something over which we can gain control.

This disconnection from the “Point of Essence”, or centre, is much more painful. By cutting yourself off from your centre and purpose, you spiral into an abyss. The sadness is overwhelming as darkness and fear over come you. You shrink and disappear within yourself. This is your Dream of the Womb.

Some can go from a deep depression into a rage where they lash out in such anger that they don’t care who they hurt. The message is strong; "I want the world to feel my pain!"

The rage goes back to a direct expression of prenatal rejection. It is not the mother who rejects, but the twin, simply by not being there any more. Typical responses to this feeling of rejection and betrayal are to collapse into helplessness and hopelessness, to rage at others and the world's injustice, and/or to refuse to engage in life.

The rage at prenatal rejection leaves not so much a feeling of being rejected by the twin but as a desire to reject any other relationship - which can only be a poor substitute for the original twin bond - to reject love and intimacy in relationship, purpose, choices and mastery in life.

The rage is a useful barrier that renders the survivor neglected, hurt, helpless and alone. It is a deliberate and calculated choice, because it neatly recreates the Dream of the Womb,

At an emotional level, the rage is a terrified, abandoned and desolated response to the Black Hole, where a promise of light and love was originally made. That bright promise of the twin bond (the closest bond available in nature) was not fulfilled, leaving only a darkness :- a sense of lack, loss and emptiness.

This rage acts crazy but is not crazy. It can be understood. It is a rage against Nature; against God; against the Way Things Are. Life is simply not acceptable - not bearable - without one's Other Half. Like Narcissus, who lived until his early death in rapt contemplation of his reflected image, ignoring love and life, the identical survivor is like a zombie, only half-alive.

To heal the rage one only has to wake up to the warm reality of born life: that you are surrounded by love, by people who wish to be your friends; that no one is trying to hurt you; that the pain is yours and not being inflicted upon you. The longer you fail to forgive, let go and surrender peacefully to the way things are, the longer you will live in pain and alone.

You are creating your pain and only you can heal it by simply forgiving the hurt.