Do twins remember the womb? Yes they do, says John James

John James

 In this article , John James, who created the Crucible Centre in Australia, writes how during a sand play session a womb twin survivor found his womb twin in the sand:

How do we identify that someone has lost a twin in the womb? One of our modalities is Sandplay, in which you place small objects into a tray filled with sand. The objects chosen and their symbolic significance usually make the meaning pretty clear.
 
Fred has little sense of achievement, and cannot form intimate or lasting bonds. In the tray he marked an almond-like shape in the sand. In the middle he placed a glass ball enclosing a skull; a fossil on the right, and between them clasped hands. A little goanna was placed on the fossil, which he said had feelings of “soft and uncertain longing.” He then remembered being told he had had a girl-twin that had died well before his birth. He then identified with the goanna and the fossil, and with the hand helplessly holding onto the departed sister. He felt he was the "dead fossil" without her. His inner ‘centre’ lay in the white hands, clasping onto the female who had gone.
 
Where are these memories held? Who remembers these feelings? In the early months the foetus does not have the physical capacity to hear or see, let alone sense or remember experiences beyond the placenta.

He concludes: 

The souls of twins in the womb form a relationship from the moment of conception, if not before. It is our souls who remember when a companion leaves, and later when we connect with our souls from the heart, the memories come flooding back, and all is forgiven.

In his article in the anthology -  Untwinned: perspectives on the death of a twin before birth,  John James writes

We have been finding through them that the ‘disappearance’ of a pre-natal twin was often having a profound impact on the whole of later life of the living twin. This was not in a few isolated cases, but in hundreds of clients. It was a possibility my teacher Elia Carisbrook had mentioned almost twenty years ago and that I discussed in my 1994 book, Notes to Transformation. It was not until the issue kept on turning up that we realised how enormous it was – both in numbers and impact.

With my wife Hilary and our partner Marg Garvan we gradually became more open to the possibility that such a death could affect the deepest psychic structures of our clients. We have now worked with more than fifty Vts situations and, based on its occurrence among our clients, we estimate it affects more than 25 percent of all conceptions. However, this proportion of one-in-four may not be reflected in the general population. It may be that the buried grief from the loss of a twin companion may induce more people to seek therapy than others. This would reduce the apparent proportion.

There is a lot of it about..... spread the world!  It's one in ten of the population, and one of them could be you....

How can you know if your child is a womb twin survivor?

Here is the list of characteristic signs commonly displayed by young womb twin survivors. This has been compiled from various studies and e-mail correspondence with womb twin survivors and their parents.

* My child is very sensitive to atmosphere
* My child does not like to sleep alone in the dark
* My child is unusually aware of how people are feeling
* My child has a rich, creative imagination
* My child talks a lot about death and dying
* My child loves animals and yearns for a pet
* My child is different from other children
* My child seems to have “been here before”
* My child has an imaginary friend
* My child is interested in spirituality
* My child often seems lost and alone
* My child is hypersensitive

Of course there may be ultrasound evidence. The little lost twins have often quite disappeared by 8 weeks or so, so its the assisted pregnancies that reveal the vanished twins more often, simply because they are so carefully monitored.

For example, on this pregnancy forum here:

Or when things get very confusing, because early ultrasounds are rarely clear  enough to work out what has happened

And that sense of being alone in the experience of losing one twin early in pregnancy.

No one thinks about the possible psychological consequences for the survivor, because the parents have to wait and watch the remaining baby grow and  see if all is well in the end.  Much later, by the age of two, it becomes clear that this baby is different in some way.  Then the parents visit the children's page on the web site and  we  begin discuss the issues.

Gradually, we are working together to find ways to help these children.  If you are the parent of a vanishing twin survivor, you may like to join in with our explorations.

My baby's womb twin died - should I worry?

This new information about womb twin survivors is  helping womb twin survivors to come to terms with their loss. " I always thought I was just weird", says Emma,  whose twin was lost in a miscarriage at 13 weeks of pregnancy. " I am so glad I found this website. Now I know I am quite normal. its a great feeling." 

However, there is a darker side to this story: as the psychological difficulties that womb twin survivors face are being more widely discussed, and all kinds of theories are being aired, some parents are beginning to worry. 

Anna wrote to me: "Simon, my 3 year old is a surviving twin. When the placenta came out the doctor found a dead identical twin.  I was recently told that there have been studies done that show some cases of the living child taking on the dead one's personality.  My son is like two people, one way one minute and completely different the next.  I want to know if this is something I need to worry about." 

Should parents worry if their child is a womb twin survivor?

It is now known from several studies that many surviving twins become distressed at some point in life, often in adolescence, but also some surviving twins are not at all distressed.  Researchers have yet to understand why this is. It seem that the loss of a fraternal twin is less traumatic than the loss of an identical twin. The deep bond between twins, forged in the womb is strongest between identical twins and the identical womb twin survivors do seem to be the most likely to be distressed by their pre-birth experience.

What can parents do for  womb twin survivors?

There is a lot that parents can do: research seems to indicate that if an individual knows for sure from the beginning that they once had a twin, that does became part of who they are. Then they understand their feelings better if they do get upset at any time. They can know they are responding perfectly normally to the genuine loss of their "other half".   A loving family and lots of encouragement and love seems to help a great deal, so in many cases a surviving twin will grow up with little more than a tendency to moodiness.

The loss of a twin, like any major event taking place during pregnancy, is worth keeping in mind as a potential effect (either positive and negative) on  your child's development as an individual.  The science of pre-birth psychology  is now well established and we can be sure that our time in the womb does much to shape our personality in born life.  Womb twin  survivors are a particularly interesting case in point.

        

Best practice for parents with a wombtwin survivor in the family 

• Tell your child about their twin and tell them early in life
• Keep  yourself well informed about the medical details of that particular pregnancy, so you will be able to answer questions as they arise, at various stages of your child's life.
• Keep informed about the potential psychological effects of pre-birth twin loss so you can notice any problems arising
• Make contact with other parents of womb twin survivors for mutual support and good information. 
• Create some kind of physical proof of your child's lost twin: a statue, soft toy or plant in the garden etc. as a focus for your child's feelings of sadness or loss, should any such feelings arise.
• Validate your own child's feelings in the face of public scepticism that womb twin survivors truly do feel a sense of something missing - however hard it is for you to believe that!
• Love, accept and encourage your child,  as you would any of your other children.
• The fact that wombtwin survivors are different can be celebrated as a special gift, for they are often very sensitive and empathetic.

Making a memorial to your twin

Some womb twin survivors, plant trees or spring bulbs in memory of their twin.
Others write wonderful poetry, such as this one, For Arthur.
Others write their story for others to learn from, such as this one,  Finding Joy


But now there is a new way to remember and honour your twin. A womb twin memorial web site.

Here is mine: ( I am a triplet survivor so I have two names there and a kind  of triplet image, which was made for me in 2004 by Brian, a womb twin survivor.)

I have put it on the new wombtwin.com memorial site.  

Take a look at these memorials, for this may be just the thing for you to do,  in memory of your womb twin. 

Womb twin day 2010 (21st December 2010)

Greetings to all womb twin survivors around the world on Womb Twin day. I hope that this day can be special for you, whatever stage you are at along the healing path.

If you are just awakening to the possibility that you, or someone dear to you, is a womb twin survivor, then I wish you well on the journey you have just begun, for once you have awakened to the idea, it will not leave you alone until you have processed it completely. Your first step on the healing path has already been taken. (Free stuff here to get you started)

If you have just set out on the healing path - and maybe have the ebook as a guide - than I hope you will explore the links on the web site so you can know as much as possible about what can happen when a co twin dies. There are dozens of possible scenarios and only one applies to you, so keep on learning more.

If you have been on the healing path for a while but are losing impetus, remember that you may be resisting healing. Here is a little movie to spur you on:  view it here

If you are getting to the end of your healing path and its time to honour your twin's death by a funeral ritual or a ritual of remembrance, today may be a good day to do it. Chose earth, fire, air or water as your element, and conduct a burial, a burning, or a release into the air or onto water. I have been an assistant at many rituals of this kind and mixed with the sadness is a lightness and joy - if that is your choice, do let me know how you got on.

Lastly, if you have conducted your ritual and have said goodbye to your twin, (perhaps more than one if you are the survivor of a multiple conception) it may be good to create a memorial. We have our new memorial site and we welcome new memorials, so why not take a look? Details here.

I will be thinking of you on 21st.  Please let us know what you did and I will put it on this blog.

I am always here, I answer emails as quickly as I can, and it's all free of charge. You can find articles, stories, movies and poetry on my Womb Twin Survivors web site.

The New Year 2011 will bring the publication of my new book, "Womb Twin Survivors ; the lost twin in the Dream of the Womb. " Details here.

I am very excited that this book is almost finished, after many years of researching it and nearly two years of writing it. I hope it will help many of you to heal this overlooked and profound primal wound, which we womb twin survivors all share, and which can be healed.

With best wishes for a peaceful and healing experience on Womb Twin Day.

Althea.

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Here are some words of encouragement for you on this special day, from other womb twin survivors who have made the journey:

We are celebrating the opportunity to spread out the joy and share the pain of our early begin as twins. Congratulations to you all!, and let's keep close to each other, because that’s so cozy, and it makes us strong and reassured! Claudia, Portugal.

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An important reminder to all the special Womb Twin Survivors this holiday season: The gift of a SELF is the best gift of all!

Healing from Womb Twin Loss, and becoming a SELF - who deserves to live and celebrate the rituals of living, is possible. Not only is this a gift you can give yourself, it's also the gift that keeps giving to those around you all year round!

I feel stronger this holiday than ever before, thanks to the miraculous healing work I've experienced this year, and can honestly say for the first time ever that I am not sad at my birthday & twin loss time of year. This is historically the worst black-hole time of year for me (as it is for many others) and so far I feel an abundance of love and strength where there once was fear, anxiety and desolation. I feel so at peace that I don't even know if I can call myself a "survivor" right now, I just want to BE. All is as it's meant to be...aaah!

Just saying that feels like I've collapsed on top of Mt. Everest in surrender and accomplishment! What a journey it's been. Stay on Althea's Healing Path...it works.

With gratitude to Althea Hayton for figuring this out and having the courage to put it out there.

Until we all get to our Mt. Everest moments, we must remember to be kind to ourselves and appreciate how special we are. (I wouldn't want to be any other way!)

Meanwhile, here's a quote from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow: "Know how sublime it is to suffer and be strong"

Best wishes to all for a New Year filled with strength and togetherness. Womb love, Monica, USA.

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Please persist--it is worth it! Being a womb twin allows us special experiences, and when brought to light, everything starts falling into place. I am somewhere in the middle of my journey, maybe just scratching the surface, but my life has changed more radically in the last 8 months than in the years and years of trying to understand what was "wrong." Thank you to my womb twins for giving me this life, and a super extra thank you to Althea for her incredible discoveries and dedication to helping all of us! Barbara, USA

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If you have any similar encouraging messages, feel free to add your comment - we are all in this together!

Hoarding: connections to pre-birth experiences?

I am trying to find some kind of clue to why so many (over half) of the womb twin survivors who complete the Womb Twin questionnaire say a strong "Agree" to the statement: " There is at least one room in my home, including a shed or garage, that is completely full of stuff."
We have the new hoarding questionnaire (see link at top of this page) and that is helping.

So far, the clues are:

SPACE: there are conflicted issues here, about clearing space but quickly filling it up again.

ENERGY: a lot of energy wasted in NOT clearing, and a lot of energy needed to clear.

WILLINGNESS: it seems like a fabulous thing to be clean clear and tidy but somehow there is sabotage, as if deep down the hoarder is not willing to clear it and let it go.

HOLDING ON: things  with am emotional connection. An attachment to thungs as if they have feelings of their own.

Now I have to see what pre-birth experience may trigger this behaviour.

Comments welcomed

Should I suggest to this person that they are a womb twin survivor?

He is very dependent on me. He doesn't seem to be able to stand alone.  He makes me responsible for his happiness.  He doesnt seem to trust to relationships to last and remain of themselves - he seems to think that he must work to make them work, to keep his friends - to make people love him. He rescues them again and again but it is he who  needs to be rescued. He is open wide and vulnerable and he has come to me.  He needs help. The deep well of loneliness inside him keeps him apart, always on the edge never in the centre of things.  It is screamingly obvious to me that that he is a womb twin survivor, but like so many, he has no idea.

But if I say, what will happen? Will he fixate on this idea and make it the reason why he feels so helpless and alone? Will it help? Will it only add to his problems?

Its SO hard to have this information, this explanation. The information heals of itself. I know that.  But should I say? I have been warned off, told that I am just peddling a new kind of fantasy to add to all the rest. My counselling supervisor said that in 2002, which is why I stopped working with clients and took a sabbatical to concentrate on this research.

No I will not tell this person he is a womb twin  survivor, or even suggest it. Its best he discovers it for himself.  In fact, I am resolved: I will never tell anyone myself, ever again. I will just go on with the book.  When the book is out there the information will heal, of itself.   I must not be turned into a kind of guru with some kind of magical healing power - that would be a nonsense.  If I keep mentioning it, then it will cheapen the whole thing, like I  have found a new hammer and I am making everyone into a nail.

Silence, then, but not with the people who come to me with their stories of discovery, like this person, who said:

I just felt compelled to type in "missing twins" or something similar, to Google, and there were all these articles. It was a bit overwhelming, I felt I couldn't read it all at once, but so many things "rang a bell".


With this person I can discuss all the aspects of being a womb twin survivor that I have found, but they are in charge. Its their idea. That's the best way.


Chapter nine now-  "Vanishing twins" revealed.

WOMBTWIN IRELAND: Workshop in Dublin, April 24th 2010

I will be presenting a Womb Twin Survivors seminar in Dublin on 24th April 10am - 4 pm with an additional Healing Path workshop from 4.30 - 6pm.


Download  brochure and booking form


Send us an email to register your interest or get more detail

Womb Twin Survivors - an introduction


More on the wombtwin.ie blog

See you there!

I have made an entry to Changemakers.

This is how it starts:
The psychological effect on the survivor of the loss of a co-twin before birth is a largely unexplored area of psychology and we have been exploring it since 2002. As far as we are aware, we are the first organisation in the world to work exclusively with wombtwin survivors.

We have created a healing path for wombtwin survivors, in the form of 30 steps, published as an e-book, which has already proven helpful to sole surviving fraternal twins as a self-help scheme. We are working on another related scheme for sole surviving identical twins and a third for sole surviving multiples (triplets and more.)

We are also planning a training course for therapists of all kinds in how to offer specific therapeutic interventions to wombtwin survivors. We have piloted several of these workshops with therapists and wombtwin survivors and with their help we are developing specialised psychodrama exercises. Some of our work overlaps with other various pre- and perinatal therapies but we focus solely on the loss of a twin during pregnancy or around birth, which makes us different. We have three published articles in professional journals so far and two publications, with three more books to come over the next three years. Therapists are beginning to diagnose wombtwin survivors, but there is widespread ignorance about the best kind of therapeutic intervention for this group. We intend to fill that gap with training courses and workshop manuals.

Research has revealed that one in eight people is a wombtwin survivor. Most of these co-twins die in the first trimester and in many cases the mother has a normal pregnancy and delivery. Consequently there are many millions of unaware wombtwin survivors around the world experiencing symptoms of psychological distress, which are often diagnosed as “personality disorders” and invariably, do not respond to psychological help.

We intend to mount a worldwide public awareness campaign to put an end to this misunderstanding.

Comments, anyone?

The womb twin work

I spend a lot of time explaining my way of working - its been a problem for some time.

The secret purpose of the womb twin survivors is to remain in the black hole - ie not develop, never get off the ground, remain in a state of arrested development etc.

There would be loving and logical reasons for this: " I must stay here with my lost twin and not develop either".

If someone I am working with draws out of me a series of explanations, directions and suggestions by their own resistance, then they stay helplessly stuck, in the black hole with their lost twin.

In other words the process for the womb twin survivor is to hand over autonomy to the therapist and let them take control - but this seems illogical. However if the secret purpose is to remain the beta self, then that makes perfect logical sense.

I work in a directive way because this isn't therapy. I don't play the total empathy game (that keeps me helpless in someone elses Black Hole - no thanks.) But I do use empathy informed with understanding on my part so there's a lot of dialogue as I check things out as we go.

I decided it wasnt therapy a long time ago. Its more like teaching but it has a therapeutic aim.

A teacher doesn't wait till everyone is ready to learn but rather assumes that the person is there to learn. There is no point in coming to a teacher and then resisting the very process of learning. But that's not quite it for me, when it comes to the womb twin work.

A therapist stays with the client in their inner world and accepts as truth everything going on there. In absolute empathy and kindness, working with the resistance. But always aware of unconscious process and transference. But that's not quite it either.

What I do is first to inform with empathy, then listen with open-mindedness, then guide as seems appropriate , then fearlessly negotiate a way forward that suits the individual, all the time emphasising the fact that the individual is in charge of their own healing.

We found a name for it this morning : therapeutic guidance for wombtwin survivors.

I wonder: is this what womb twin survivors experience? Is this what they need? This is what I have learned to do over the last five years or so. It is what I intend to do, but intention may not be enough. I am self taught and have no teachers, other then the womb twin survivors I work with.

I would welcome comments and suggestions.

Article about therapy with womb twin survivors

Berlin workshop NOVEMBER 21st

Workshop in Berlin with me, my powerpoint presentation and whole lot of props for the group exercise on person Space the Black Hole and many others! Arranged by Eloise.

From Eloise:

I am excited to announce that I'm organising a Wombtwin workshop here in Berlin with Althea Hayton, bringing her over from the UK on Saturday 21st November 2009. The workshop will involve a background and medical introduction and then interactive workshop exercises to explore this topic in our lives and how we can bring about healing. The workshop is for you if this idea resonates for you, if you know you are a wombtwin survivor, if your child is or you think they might be, if you are a therapist who works with wombtwin survivors or just interested in this topic. The workshop will be in English, but please indicate if you are an interested German-only speaker to help us to know if we need to provide a translator!

Places are limited to 30 people, so please book early to avoid disappointment.

Location: Body Mind Institute, Schlesische str. 38 2.Hof 1.OG, 10997 Berlin Kreuzberg (U-Bhf Schlesisches Tor, S-Bhf Warschauer Str)

Price: €70 for full day Saturday 21st November 2009 from 10am - 6pm. Payment in full is required to register your place.

Tea and cake will be provided and we advise you to bring a snack for lunch.

There is an option for a Sunday morning extension to the workshop, from 10am - 2pm, for those who have attended Saturday and would like to explore the topic further. The cost for Sunday is an extra €30, payable on the day.

Reserve your place today

Portugal April 24th-26th

There are to be a series of three talks about Wombtwin Survivors in Portugal, over the weekend 24-26th April 2009. I will show my powerpoint presentation, which will convince you that wombtwin survivors are far more common than anyone ever realised, and I will explain what the characteristic psychological profile is of a wombtwin survivor. Lots of time for questions and stories, sharing and fun. I will speak in English because I am stupid at other languages. Claudia, who is arranging this and is of course extremely clever, will translate as we go.

It will be great fun. E-mail Claudia in English or Portuguese and she will send you the details of what is happening where. claudia.pinheiro@wombtwin.com.

If you can get there, do come - this is a unique opportunity to hear the story at first hand, told by myself. I won't be back for at least a year, so seize the opportunity now!

Other workshops: get your brochures here!

New York City 16/5 click here

Gent 2/5 click here

Healing fables

Today I posted onto my wombtwin survivors project site yet another story sent to me by a wombtwin survivor. I knew when I read it then this story would speak to many others, and so its so great to have these stores on the site. 

See the whole collection here.

Then I thought: years ago, I wrote some fables that documented my own healing journey and since then I have added more. I know that these fables will speak to many people, and I  am waiting for time and money to publish them. But why? Wombtwin survivors need them now!!

So today, inspired by this talented wombtwin survivor who sent me his story so willingly and who said that it helped him to write it, I have put my fables on the site for anyone to read. They once helped me and now they may help others. They are here. 

Do please enjoy them and tell me what you think.

The rage of the identical wombtwin survivor

Anger and rage are destructive forces. They destroy relationships, property and lives. However, this is not a blind force. It is something over which we can gain control.

This disconnection from the “Point of Essence”, or centre, is much more painful. By cutting yourself off from your centre and purpose, you spiral into an abyss. The sadness is overwhelming as darkness and fear over come you. You shrink and disappear within yourself. This is your Dream of the Womb.

Some can go from a deep depression into a rage where they lash out in such anger that they don’t care who they hurt. The message is strong; "I want the world to feel my pain!"

The rage goes back to a direct expression of prenatal rejection. It is not the mother who rejects, but the twin, simply by not being there any more. Typical responses to this feeling of rejection and betrayal are to collapse into helplessness and hopelessness, to rage at others and the world's injustice, and/or to refuse to engage in life.

The rage at prenatal rejection leaves not so much a feeling of being rejected by the twin but as a desire to reject any other relationship - which can only be a poor substitute for the original twin bond - to reject love and intimacy in relationship, purpose, choices and mastery in life.

The rage is a useful barrier that renders the survivor neglected, hurt, helpless and alone. It is a deliberate and calculated choice, because it neatly recreates the Dream of the Womb,

At an emotional level, the rage is a terrified, abandoned and desolated response to the Black Hole, where a promise of light and love was originally made. That bright promise of the twin bond (the closest bond available in nature) was not fulfilled, leaving only a darkness :- a sense of lack, loss and emptiness.

This rage acts crazy but is not crazy. It can be understood. It is a rage against Nature; against God; against the Way Things Are. Life is simply not acceptable - not bearable - without one's Other Half. Like Narcissus, who lived until his early death in rapt contemplation of his reflected image, ignoring love and life, the identical survivor is like a zombie, only half-alive.

To heal the rage one only has to wake up to the warm reality of born life: that you are surrounded by love, by people who wish to be your friends; that no one is trying to hurt you; that the pain is yours and not being inflicted upon you. The longer you fail to forgive, let go and surrender peacefully to the way things are, the longer you will live in pain and alone.

You are creating your pain and only you can heal it by simply forgiving the hurt.

The new book

Well, I did get the proof copy and I HATED the cover!

Then my son came and gave me a hand with it and together we transformed it. I will send it to Lighting Source on Monday and that ought to be that. The great thing about print on demand is the proof copy. When I held it in my hand I knew that it was too dark, too gloomy. This is a difficult story for many to tell, but the whole point of the project is to bring light and healing into the picture, and this is what we have done: Linda Beth's great image of the Silent Cry is now picked out in white and that little yellow centre - the tiny embryo buried in the dark placenta - is now pulsating with light and joy.

Do you like it? I do. Amazing what happens when you move away from the darkness into the light.....!

Read more here.

I have moved publication to June 30th and it will now cost £9.99. The ISBN will be 978-9557808-0-6, but it's not on Bookdata yet.

Just a couple more days to wait and this project wil be done. Then it's look out world- here come the wombtwin survivors with their amazing story!

Just one little quote I keep near my heart. This isn't in the book but I will put it here so you blog readers can see how wonderful the wombtwin work can be.....

Thank you so much for your wonderful work, and I pray for others embarking on the journey that they will have the deeply spiritual experience that was mine. I will always remember you for what you have brought to me.

Now this is interesting...

I have discovered that doing "the wombtwin work" with a wombtwin survivor is not therapy, in the usual sense that we have been accustomed to use this term.

As a counsellor, I was trained in the 1990s to reach out in empathy to my client, expect to unconsciously pick up in empathy some of my clients emotional baggage and take that to supervision to be unravelled and better understood. Gradually, I would come to recognise fully what it was to be my client and to stand in his/her shoes. Then by, as it were, feeding back to my client what I had seen while being in my fantasy "in my clients inner world", I was able to help him/her to accept that their inner world was real and true and it made some kind of sense.

Now that's not at all the whole story of therapy, but if we think about the dream of the Womb, this interpretation helps.

I have had, for 5 years now, some experience of being with wombtwin survivors in their Dream of the Womb. I have done the wombtwin work face to face, in a group, by email and indirectly through my publications. It seems that the best way to help is not to help. The best way to help is not to reach out so far in empathy that you end up caught in the Dream of the other. This is the separateness that I had such a struggle with when I was training : I reached out, got caught up in my clients feelings and fantasies, because they resembled my own to such an extent, and then my Dream and my clients Dream became conflated. The result was a complete muddle of codependency and we got stuck.

Without doing much more than work on my own Dream, I can now recognise when I am slipping away into someone else's Dream. I have learned to stand by and observe this happening rather then plunge in myself. As I observe the work dispassionately, I learn about the survivors world, which can never be my own.

I know this today of all days, because yesterday I began as part of the research work on how to do the wombtwin work, a series of exactly 30 individual session with a wombtwin survivor. There I was, sitting with an individual by invitation, but Oh! I am so aware that this is not therapy!

How is it set up? well its carefully bounded in that we are contracted to walk the 30 steps of the healing path exactly as they occur in the healing e-book. When the 30 steps are done that will be it. It is less carefully bounded in terms of session length, because its hard to get into prebirth experience in these sessions, and if the sessions are too short then the work leaks out into other forms of contact, like making or cancelling appointments, which are less bounded. I left it up to my survivor to decide when we should stop, and after about one and a half hours we reached a point where that seemed to be enough, so we ended the session. Its hard to tell after one session, but I guess that one and a half hours will be the length of every session. I will hold an open mind about the possibility of one or two sessions being much longer. All the ethical considerations such as confidentiality, privacy issues etc are in place, as they must be.

The greatest difference is in the relationship. Right at the start of this research in 2002, it became clear to me that twins would want a twin to walk with them. Than means a 50:50 relationship, shared as equally as possisble. This is a constructive and creative conversation, where each party speaks as much as the other, and only where that is appropriate. There is full disclosure about my own life, without me taking up more than half the available space, and, because part of my role is to provide information about the possible biology behind the Dream (ie.the variouus twinning events that can occur in the womb) I often speak at length. We briefly discussed hypnosis, and I offered it, but expressed my concern that this could possibly skew the power balance. There was no problem to the survivor in not having hypnosis from me after all. Clearly, the need to preserve that equal relationship was as great to the survivor as to myself.

Everything that is going on in the room is made as conscious as possible, to highlight any womblike situations or statements, including how the survivors was relating to me. I do not let the survivor look after me in any way (compulsive caring is very common) but also I do not do any looking after either, but concentrate on a robust attitude to facing the truth of what is going on, in a gentle and kindly atmosphere of mutual respect. That fearlessness in the face of this survivor's worst feelings (a big thing for Carl Rogers the counselling guru, and something I try to emulate) is intended to provide a stable platform for the details of the Black Hole to be examined and to some extent re-experienced.

Now this work I began yesterday is with a survivor of a fraternal pair and I am being a fraternal twin here: each of us alone in our separate bubble but walking along in close companionship.

I want to work with an identical survivor face to face, because it's my belief that identical survivors want you in their most intimate space, to be there in the Black Hole together and this may be what may is needed in order for there to be healing. On the other hand, my refusal to come in may help the survivor to recognise that their twin is irreplaceable, so the wombtwbn work as described above may be equally effective. We will wait and see.

If you are a counsellor or therapist reading this, I would be delighted to hear your responses: either post them here as a comment or email me on althea@altheahayton.com.