A young womb twin survivor in therapy - should I say?

I had a long and rather wonderful conversation with a trainee counsellor yesterday, who  works with children in schools. I  suggested that some of the children she met would probably be womb twin survivors.  How would I know? She asked. What would I say?

Several interesting ethical considerations arose:

1) If the parents made clear that the child was a twin before birth, then everyone would know, except probably the child. Should the counsellor ever explain, or even imply, to the child that some of what was coming up in the sessions was related to being a womb twin survivor? Or would it be best to let the child become aware in their own way and in their own time?

Events for womb twin survivors in 2011....

I've been updating the Wombtwin.com Facebook page to include several events for next year.  

(All dates will include book signings where requested!)

• Lunches in Nottingham, Portsmouth and London with me and others.
• A workshop in New York City with me, Monica and Barbara
• A free public meeting with illustrated presentation by me November 18th
• Our annual conference 19/20 November
• The Wombtwin.com Annual general meeting for members and special guests.

Take a look here:

Who is the useful enemy for a womb twin survivor?

This quote from a recently published business book:

Having an enemy gives you a great story to tell customers, too. Taking a stand always stands out. People get stoked by conflict. They take sides. Passions are ignited. And that’s a good way to get people to take notice.

I need to discover who my enemies are then I can "pick a fight and inflame passions and get noticed." 

Sounds good but maybe a bit exhausting? In business its the Other car manufacturer, in education is the Other School; in the family it's the Truculent Teenager. I suppose starting a war does make the papers: peace is not at all sensational for journalists. 

Who should be my enemy what is my war? What should be my "stand"? 

I suppose it's this:

I have decided to believe womb twin survivors who have no proof of their twin, when they say they believe they lost a twin before birth. 

Let them laugh, jeer and throw scorn on my naive beliefs. Let them call me a weirdo. I am not going to change my mind now. Not after seven years of research, hundreds of case histories etc.

Do I want a helpful enemy? No, not really. I have hundreds of friends now - they are all womb twin survivors.   I dont need a  war.  Anyone who wants a war with me will just get ignored. I will ignore them - but not insult them as they frequently insult me (yes I  have had plenty of that, see previous posts) they are just ignorant. Maybe when they read my new book they will understand.

Well that's a relief. No need for a war, just calm, clear thinking and  lots of hard work. That will do  it.  (I hope.)  

So. Now on to chapter eight......

I have made an entry to Changemakers.

This is how it starts:
The psychological effect on the survivor of the loss of a co-twin before birth is a largely unexplored area of psychology and we have been exploring it since 2002. As far as we are aware, we are the first organisation in the world to work exclusively with wombtwin survivors.

We have created a healing path for wombtwin survivors, in the form of 30 steps, published as an e-book, which has already proven helpful to sole surviving fraternal twins as a self-help scheme. We are working on another related scheme for sole surviving identical twins and a third for sole surviving multiples (triplets and more.)

We are also planning a training course for therapists of all kinds in how to offer specific therapeutic interventions to wombtwin survivors. We have piloted several of these workshops with therapists and wombtwin survivors and with their help we are developing specialised psychodrama exercises. Some of our work overlaps with other various pre- and perinatal therapies but we focus solely on the loss of a twin during pregnancy or around birth, which makes us different. We have three published articles in professional journals so far and two publications, with three more books to come over the next three years. Therapists are beginning to diagnose wombtwin survivors, but there is widespread ignorance about the best kind of therapeutic intervention for this group. We intend to fill that gap with training courses and workshop manuals.

Research has revealed that one in eight people is a wombtwin survivor. Most of these co-twins die in the first trimester and in many cases the mother has a normal pregnancy and delivery. Consequently there are many millions of unaware wombtwin survivors around the world experiencing symptoms of psychological distress, which are often diagnosed as “personality disorders” and invariably, do not respond to psychological help.

We intend to mount a worldwide public awareness campaign to put an end to this misunderstanding.

Comments, anyone?

Saying goodbye to your lost twin

In his new book A clear blue sky, the Hon. Timothy Knatchbull, whose identical twin and other members of his family were blown up, he says that the book is designed to say goodbye to his identical twin, Nick.

Read a moving account of his journey here.

He has moved on. Like all surviving twins he can heal, and this entails a journey through the pain into a recognition of being the fortunate survivor.

A Silent Cry is now complete!

Just to let you all know that the anthology was dispatched today on CD to Lightning Source UK. I have moved the publication date to Monday 30th June, because I have been getting stressed out with the time pressure. Pre -publication copies will be available at the conference and the contributors copies may be sent out in advance of that date. We'll see how it goes.

Just to let you know: to buy this book (after June 30th) go to the Wren Publications site where we have a credit card facility (and a special ordering page for members and contributors, who get a 30% discount.)

Exhausted now, but triumphant. Thanks to everyone who contributed, sorry to those who were not able to be in it. Thanks to Richard who, just two days ago, sent me some much-needed editing advice: a major last-minute overhaul took place as a result, but I'm very happy with it now! Its a great deal more professional looking than UNTWINNED, but this is how we learn, one step at a time.

A silent cry: publication June 17th

After three weeks in purdah, buried in the complexities of InDesign for Mac, I have emerged slightly bleary but triumphant. The book is set. Its going to be 224 pages, with 17 chapters, an introduction a glossary and a foreword by Elizabeth Noble.

It remains to copy-edit it now and arrange for every contributor to sign an agreement. If you are one of the 80 contributors and you are wondering where your agreement is, don't worry, it will come. This will take quite a while to organise!

Publication day is 17th June. Price £7.99.

Review copies available, from early June, to journalists or anyone prepared to write a review for their own in-house journal.

Contact me via the website if you wish to write a review.

A silent cry: a story that will now be heard

So we have reached the deadline (almost.) I have over 80 stories, written by wombtwin survivors from all over the world. [What am I talking about? see here]

Thank you everyone! The next step is to set the book, using InDesign for Mac, and decide which pieces go where, in which chapter. It will be a 70,000 word paperback.

Elizabeth Noble, author of Primal Connections, has written me a foreword. A wombtwin survivor in Canada has offered me one of her original paintings for the cover.

I have not been so happy for a long time: I love to make books (see some of them here) in any case, but to be the first to help 80 people tell one of the great untold stories of our time, is so exciting I don't know what to say, so I won't say any more.

Janet Frame: a perfectly normal wombtwin survivor

Janet Frame was born into a poor family Dunedin New Zealand in 1924 and died of leukaemia in 2004, by which time she was - and still is - a writer of international renown. During her life she published many volumes of novel and poetry, of such a high standard that she is now counted among the greatest writers of her generation.

Janet Frame was a wombtwin survivor. Her identical twin was lost in early pregnancy. I discovered this quite by chance recently, and I also noticed that she had written an autobiography. Here was a great chance to get a glimpse inside the mind of a wombtwin survivor, who presumably was not aware, as we are now, that the loss of a twin in the womb leaves a deep psychological impression on the survivor. I bought a copy of her autobiography and I was not disappointed: here is a very fine writer indeed.

Very much as you would expect, according to her book, Janet Frame evidently felt like other wombtwin survivors who had lost their identical twin in the womb. Here was a strong side and a weak side, both described in detail in her writing for public view.

Here we see the two sides of the wombtwin survivor: the Alpha twin and the Beta twin. The wombtwin survivor lives out both aspects of their twin-ship at once, in a paradoxical mode of existence. The weaker Beta side of the wombtwin survivor can be seen in this autobiography : feeling alone; a deep haunting sense of painful grief, a need for privacy and an exquisite sensitivity to the feelings of others. The Alpha strength is here too: to survive loss and privation without rancour and build an international reputation and a strong career on a natural gift for poetry - not an easy thing to do, as any poet will tell you.

As a young girl, Janet was “full of tics and terrors”; at school she was compliant and obeyed adults, because inwardly she felt her “only place of rebellion” was within her imagination. She had once attempted suicide, (as many wombtwin survivors do) and at University she mentioned it in an autobiographical essay, submitted to her psychology lecturer, John Money. As a result of this, it was suggested that “she spend some time” in a psychiatric hospital, which she did and was later diagnosed as “schizophrenic.”

Meanwhile, her family gathered together some of her stories and sent them for publication. They were published in 1952. In 1954 this book won New Zealand's only literary award. It happened that Janet was at that time scheduled for a lobotomy (now known as a leucotomy) which was a favourite treatment of the time for chronic psychosis. The operation was famously cancelled as a result and she entered into a period of rehabilitation and was released. Many years later, in London at the Maudsely hospital, she was assessed carefully and was told she “never had schizophrenia.” By her own account, it was quite difficult at first for her to cast off this diagnosis, because it had become so firmly embedded in her sense of self.

Sadly, mental illness associated with her name has remained to this day in the public consciousness of New Zealand, as various experts have attempted to make sense of Janet Frames’ seemingly highly eccentric, if not mad, psychological makeup. It has been recently suggested that she may have suffered from “high functioning autism.”

This suggestion has been firmly refuted by her family, who knew her as a warm and outgoing personality with a great capacity for joy and a great gift for making new friends. They insist that the portrayal of Janet Frame “as a hypersensitive, wounded and isolated person, with communication and linguistic impairments, is very wrong.” She was always open to a new friendship, and in a search for kindred spirits, but she was also remarkable in that she never let go of her old friends either. She managed to tend carefully to very old and very new friendships

The outer "Alpha" Janet seems to have been strong and confident. She often stood up to and argued with her teachers. She was a leader and a debater. She was a prefect. She had close friends. According to her family “She was bossy and articulate, a jokester and a very self-assured person.”

Meanwhile, the inner "Beta' Janet, most evident in her early years, was evidently quite unsure of who she was, for she seemed unable to allow herself to be gifted unless someone told her that she was. She did not consider herself as an introspective person. She didn’t know herself, but was “hesitant in finding out.” She spend a long time in search of “imagination,” unable to find it in herself, and not able to believe that she had it - until she was told. For a long time she didn’t know that she possessed imagination, because “so far no-one had mentioned it.” However, when John Money remarked that she was “quite a talented writer,” then she could believe in herself at last.

There is a great deal more to be said about this, and it should be said. It is wrong that this wonderful warm person, who has contributed so much to the literary scene of her own country and around the world, should carry such a slur on her character. It is time that we put a stop to the misdiagnoses that so many wombtwin survivors have to endure.

The concept of “personality disorders" seems to have been invited for the sole purpose of explaining the beliefs, behaviours and attitudes of wombtwin survivors, who number 10% of the population. Wombtwin survivors are not " disordered" or "mentally ill": they are reacting perfectly normally to a rather unusual pre-birth situation.

This was a very damaging mis-diagnosis, made out of ignorance. I can't get my book written fast enough!

A new anthology

Well a dream is being realised: at last I have been able to gather together some of the stories told to me by wombtwin survivors, into a new anthology, to be called "A silent Cry." These surviving twins describe the nature of their vanished twin; they talk about their feelings of loss and loneliness. The incidence of vanishing twin phenomenon is so high, that the substance of these stories is common enough. The most astonishing aspect of this book is that it will probably become tedious to read, as the stories are so consistent. Again and again, people describe that feeling of something missing; of searching; of feeling incomplete without their twin soul.

I am almost half way through collating the stories. I have received 350 forms altogether, many of them with a story attached. Some people don't want their story used, so that is of course respected. The other stories have been anonymised, so we know nothing of these individuals except their age and gender.

What stands out is the story of the Dream of the Womb, told again and again: a loss experienced before birth which leaves a vague, mysterious but indelible impression.

Untwinned - Perspectives on the death of a twin before birth

We have arranged for a press release to be syndicated, and it has gone out all over the place! Very slowly interest is beginning to kindle.

Survivors of 'Vanishing Twin' Phenomenon Tell the World how They Remember Life in the Womb

A new book, edited by Althea Hayton, tells the untold story of how it really feels to be the survivor when a co-twin twin dies in the womb -- a "wombtwin" survivor. In her anthology: "Untwinned: perspectives on the death of a twin before birth," Althea Hayton has opened up the inside story of how it feels to be a "wombtwin" survivor: ie., to be the survivor of "vanishing twin" phenomenon or if a co-twin is stillborn. One in 8 people are a wombtwin survivor -- that is a lot of people. Furthermore, experts now know that the loss of a twin before birth can cause psychological problems, such as suicidal thoughts, eating disorders and depression.

St. Albans, UK (PRWeb) February 11, 2007 -- A new book, edited by Althea Hayton, tells the untold story of how it really feels to be the survivor when a co-twin twin dies in the womb -- a "wombtwin" survivor. In her anthology: "Untwinned: perspectives on the death of a twin before birth," Althea Hayton has opened up the inside story of how it feels to be a "wombtwin" survivor: ie., to be the survivor of "vanishing twin" phenomenon or if a co-twin is stillborn. One in 8 people is a wombtwin survivor -- that is a lot of people. Furthermore, experts now know that the loss of a twin before birth can cause psychological problems, such as suicidal thoughts, eating disorders and depression.

This is a brave new book on a brand new topic that is now in the news. Recent TV coverage of multiple pregnancies, showing unborn twin and triplet foetuses interacting with one another, begs the question: "Do we remember the womb?" There has never before been a book about the psychological effects of losing one's twin before birth, yet most of this information has been available for decades. It is hard to believe that someone could miss a twin they only knew in the womb, but these articles and stories reveal the truth.

Althea Hayton is a writer and counsellor and has studied surviving twins for many years. She has gathered together articles, papers and stories about:
-The death of a twin at birth or before
-"Vanishing twin" phenomenon
-Whether or not we can have memories from the womb
-The psychological effect of being the surviving twin

Louis G. Keith MD PhD, President, Centre for the study if Multiple Birth, Chicago, USA, has provided a foreword. "This book could not have been published at a better time. We are in the middle of an epidemic of twinning," he says. "The author is to be congratulated for her persistence in researching a difficult and little discussed topic which has broad social and ethical implications for all of society."

Many well-known people know they are wombtwin survivors: Jim Broadbent and Justin Timberlake both lost a twin sister at birth. Living through that does leave a deep impression.

"It can be a great gift or a curse. Wombtwin survivors are deeply sensitive and empathetic and many of them are geniuses. However, there can be a dark side -- depression and self sabotage," says Althea. "If there is the smallest chance that some psychological problems are related to the time before birth, then we should at least be asking questions about the mother's pregnancy before we decide what is wrong."

Althea is a woman with a mission: "I want other wombtwin survivors to be helped and healed, as I was, by this crucial piece of personal information." She realised in 2001 that she is a wombtwin survivor, and lost her twin brother in the womb many months before her birth. Her research website, wombtwin.com, offers free information, specialist help and support for wombtwin survivors and their families.

She is already planning her next publication, which will be a collection of true stories, written by wombtwin survivors themselves and sent to her via the site.

AVAILABILITY
This book is available now through the Lightning Source "Print on Demand" so can be ordered from any good bookshop in US or UK for speedy delivery. Also available online via amazon sites.

CONTACT AUTHOR:
Mail: Mrs Althea Hayton c/o Wren Publications PO Box 396 St Albans Herts

Press Contact: Althea Hayton
Company Name: Wren Publications
Website: http://www.wombtwin.com

We start the story here, although we have been at this for 5 years now. With the publication of "Untwinned: perspectives on the death of a twin before birth" just a couple of weeks ago, we are at last beginning to make some progress.

There are three major developments which we will track through this blog:

1. Publications on the subject of being the sole survivor of a twin or multiple pregnancy
2. The creation of an organisation to be called wombtwin.com
3. Notice of meetings, events and all kinds of gatherings of wombtwin survivors