He is very dependent on me. He doesn't seem to be able to stand alone. He makes me responsible for his happiness. He doesnt seem to trust to relationships to last and remain of themselves - he seems to think that he must work to make them work, to keep his friends - to make people love him. He rescues them again and again but it is he who needs to be rescued. He is open wide and vulnerable and he has come to me. He needs help. The deep well of loneliness inside him keeps him apart, always on the edge never in the centre of things. It is screamingly obvious to me that that he is a womb twin survivor, but like so many, he has no idea.
But if I say, what will happen? Will he fixate on this idea and make it the reason why he feels so helpless and alone? Will it help? Will it only add to his problems?
Its SO hard to have this information, this explanation. The information heals of itself. I know that. But should I say? I have been warned off, told that I am just peddling a new kind of fantasy to add to all the rest. My counselling supervisor said that in 2002, which is why I stopped working with clients and took a sabbatical to concentrate on this research.
No I will not tell this person he is a womb twin survivor, or even suggest it. Its best he discovers it for himself. In fact, I am resolved: I will never tell anyone myself, ever again. I will just go on with the book. When the book is out there the information will heal, of itself. I must not be turned into a kind of guru with some kind of magical healing power - that would be a nonsense. If I keep mentioning it, then it will cheapen the whole thing, like I have found a new hammer and I am making everyone into a nail.
Silence, then, but not with the people who come to me with their stories of discovery, like this person, who said:
I just felt compelled to type in "missing twins" or something similar, to Google, and there were all these articles. It was a bit overwhelming, I felt I couldn't read it all at once, but so many things "rang a bell".
With this person I can discuss all the aspects of being a womb twin survivor that I have found, but they are in charge. Its their idea. That's the best way.
Chapter nine now- "Vanishing twins" revealed.
When a twin dies before birth, the sole survivor needs help and understanding. Womb twin survivors are the sole survivors of a twin or multiple pregnancy. This group, 1 in 10 of the population, includes survivors of a stillbirth, miscarriage, abortion and a "vanishing twin" pregnancy. It is a story of a twin bond broken by death, leaving a lonely survivor.
No comments:
Post a Comment