Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Healing (26) Coping with chaos

Womb twin survivors have a deep sense of things being “ not quite right”. This may be expressed in a bodily way as vague, minor physical ailments that resist all treatment. The sense of inner disturbance may find an outlet as erratic mood swings or irrational rage. An inner sense of being “ in a complete mess” may be expressed on the home environment, as a cluttered mess of things left undone or not cleared up.
The three steps towards healing chaos is first to understand it; second to realise it and third to sort it out.
A sense of inner chaos may be understood as a reflection of the Dream of the Womb. Somewhere in the Dream there is a sense of something properly constituted falling into disintegration. This may be a lost memory of a blighted ovum, that never really made it into any kind of ordered existence.
Perhaps there is a vague impression of a foetus papyraceous, that was developing quite normally but began to disintegrate, until it was just a bag of bones.
Perhaps there were three or more womb twins present, all disintegrating into death in their own way. That would be enough to create in you a sense of inner confusion and contradictory feelings.
As you awaken from the Dream you may notice the way you have been keeping needless chaos and confusion in your life: perhaps it is simply not completing one project before you start another, or having too many projects on the go at once. Perhaps you find it hard to set priorities and end up doing things in the wrong order. Perhaps on some days you don’t know how you feel, or even who you truly are.
Awakening to the chaos is the first step to realising that you are keeping it in being. The second step is to stand aside from your behaviour and draw upon your Alpha energy and autonomy to take stock cooly and calmly.
So now you see the chaos in your life. Now you face the truth that you create it. You have also learned to stand aside from it. Now you can sort it out.
Beta helplessness
When you are confronted with the chaos in your life you tend to tumble into your own Black Hole. In the hole you feel weak, helpless and dependent on others for help and encouragement. “I can’t do this!” You cry.
You have identified a bit too much with your Beta twin and lost sight of your autonomy. Reclaim it by saying to yourself, “What would the Alpha twin do now?”
The Alpha twin inside you would say exactly what your friends say all the time to encourage you: “Tackle one small area of your life now and you will sort it all out in time.”
Alpha resistance
When you are annoyed with yourself for being so weak and messy, and you want to just go away and leave it all behind, you are in touch with your Alpha qualities of aggressive energy and initiative. Stay with that energy and use it creatively: start to create order.
Order is natural
The capacity to create order out of chaos is a normal human quality. It comes naturally if you give it a chance. Simply stop deliberately creating chaos and you will have order - or at least enough order to be able to function normally.
Some wombtwin survivors are terrified of falling into chaos and spend a great deal of energy constantly getting organised and not being able to relax until things are absolutely sorted out. They are unable to tolerate even small amounts of disorder and will become preoccupied with small items, even individual pieces of paper, trying to find a good place to put them so that they can be retrieved if needed.
Beta disorder
The terror of falling into chaos is the fear of dying, as experienced in the brief life of your womb twin. People who are afraid of chaos and disintegration are re-enacting the life of a genetically abnormal wombtwin who developed chaotically, responded chaotically and anyway was always doomed to die.
Alpha order
For you, chaos does not mean death. That is not your story. Chaos may impair your ability to function normally, but order can soon be restored, so there is no need to be afraid. Allowing a little creative mess is an excellent idea and great fun:- try it!

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