Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Healing (4) : Acknowledging the primal wound

Suffering is a choice. It hardens your heart to believe that you are not suffering or to pretend that people are trying to make you suffer. It softens your heart to believe that the suffering of the world is all your responsibility. Suffering is about pain. The pain that is yours belongs to you. All your feelings belong to you. No one can make you feel pain that is not already there inside you.
Unrequited love
Let us take for example the suffering of unrequited love. The lover reaches out constantly only to be rebuffed. Why do you keep reaching out so often and so consistently if all you experience is suffering? Why do you not stop trying and go elsewhere? It is a strange thing that you should stay and suffer when there are other, more reciprocal relationships you could make.
Let us now consider the suffering you feel through being a womb twin survivor. From your earliest beginnings the expectation has always been that your twin would be there. Contact between you two was established across the womb through a subtle mechanism of stimulus and response. Then one tragic day it was over. There was only silence and stillness. In time this faded into the deep recesses of your memory.
Denial of desire
The suffering in love is in the longing for it. For a wombtwin survivor, in every relationship where there is a deliberate rebuff, there is pain. Some womb twin survivors live all their lives in emotional pain. Probably you tend to recycle this pain in relationship to people who do not make emotional contact with you. Where there is love but no emotional contact you feel that unmet need for closeness. Where there is unmet need there is emotional pain. Where there is pain there is your hidden memory of grief and desolation. This is how the cycle of pain recycles your grief as a wombtwin survivor.
Trans-generational pain
Suffering pours down through the generations by means of the wombtwin survivors in the family, and this may have happened to you. Wombtwin survivors are the pain bearers for society and no doubt you are too. You are so acutely sensitised to any lack of response in relationship that you probably spend a lot of energy working hard to heal and maintain relationships wherever you can, by sitting with the pain of unrequited love and working through it. This requires great compassion, but to you compassion is a whole way of being.
Your capacity for compassion makes you highly effective as a teacher, parent, psychotherapist or carer. It makes you a loyal friend to people in trouble. You hear the cries of the world. You find it hard to witness pain in others without reaching out to help. You will attempt as far as you can to heal any pain you see in anyone. As you witness others emerging from their pain with help from you, this can help to heal the hidden pain of grief and loss already in place in your heart since before your birth.
Healing trans-generational pain
The womb twin work involves putting things in the right place. Pain is the crucial thing to be fairly distributed. To own the pain of your own loss means that at last you take a clear and honest view of the pain that is inside you. This belongs only to you.
Healing your personal pain requires that you acknowledge it, experience it and understand it. The pain lies in the hidden recesses of your memory. Later on, when it's time to let go of your womb twin, your pain will die away. Not only your own pain but any pain of preceding generations, which you may have unwittingly taken on through your great capacity for compassion.
The womb twin work can also help the pain of future generations. Your children and grandchildren may already be lovingly bearing your burden of pain but with you now, in this generation, there is no longer any need for this to continue!
The pain of loss that is endemic in some families can now be truly attributed to a secret loss that occurred before anyone can remember. In this way the womb twin work can heal the pain of many generations.


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