Thursday, July 07, 2011

Healing (6) Recognising assumed helplessness

The sense of "helplessness" you experience because you are a wombtwin survivor is an illusion. It arises out of your Dream of the Womb. For example you may feel “abandoned” and yet be surrounded by friends, or feel “incapable” yet know you have a high IQ.
With part of your brain you know that the helplessness you feel is an illusion, yet somehow it feels so very real! This is how, despite the fact that people constantly remind you of your strengths, you continue to believe in your helplessness.
It is hard work maintaining this illusion of assumed "helplessness". To keep the contradiction alive, you have to adopt various extremely complex and subtle strategies of avoidance when you are cornered and simply refusing to think about it or talk about it doesn’t hold water.....

Avoidance strategies
These are subtle ways to manipulate the power balance in a relationship to outwardly seem "helpless" but inwardly maintain a sense of being in total control.
Rationalisation: Giving excuses for your shortcomings. This requires belief in some false truth such as “Not being able to work out what to do next.”
Projection: Attributing to others one's own unacceptable thoughts, feelings, impulses, etc. All the power rests in the other. You are helpless.
Displacement: Believing that the other person is controlling you and you are subject to their will. you have no will of your own.
Identification: To stay helpless you exaggerate your own genuine qualities of meekness, gentleness and patience and become like a totally useless object.
Sublimation: Your assumed need for constant reassurance that you are in fact capable is transformed into trying far too hard while being utterly dependent upon praise, support and encouragement.
Fantasy: Creating your own tiny little world, over which you have absolute dominion and can secretly express your genuine strength of character while maintaining your outward appearance of helplessness.
Compensation: Try to make up for the assumed feeling of inadequacy by pushing your body to the limit. This releases all that pent -up energy but makes sure that you will become exhausted and can collapse and become once more incapable. Alcohol does this very well.
Undoing: Submit to the other and take on the total blame for everything bad that happens. This is a subtle way of undoing the effect of any strong and powerful actions and getting yourself back to being weak and helpless.
Denial: The powerful, hostile person is "out there", not "in here." You cannot afford to admit to having gifts or redeeming qualities, you must remain a dependent, weak and worthless individual : you have to maintain that belief to keep that sense of helplessness alive.
Intellectualisation: hiding one's authentic emotional responses or problems behind a wall of words. You dare not admit how full of yearning and energy you truly are, for that would be a betrayal of the Someone in the Dream.
The helpless one was not you
By a strange process of empathy and identification, you have adopted the feelings that were probably experienced by your weak and helpless wombtwin, who was not strong enough to survive. If you always remember that you are keeping your wombtwin alive by means of this assumed helplessness, then you can start to exercise your capabilities and face the truth of how strong-willed you really are, without feeling deep down that you are betraying someone.
Your womb twin was weaker than you and less able to cope with whatever was going on in the womb. He or she may have developed abnormally or was just that little bit less strong.
You are the “Alpha” twin and your wombtwin was the lost “Beta “ twin. In your assumed helplessness you have become your Beta twin. It’s time to admit the truth and own your true Alpha qualities and capabilities and put them to work to facilitate your own healing.

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