Friday, July 08, 2011

Healing (7) Understanding your anger


Feeling angry is a response to threat. It is fear that motivates anger in the first place.   If there is no real threat, then there need be no feelings of anger. The anger which is experienced by womb twin survivors arises out of their Dream of the Womb. It is never appropriate or proportionate, because it is always in response to some illusion of threat that exists only on the Dream. No such threat exists in reality. To the womb twin survivor the anger feels totally justified and absolutely appropriate.
Rage and anger is not considered an “aggressive disorder” as long as the anger is totally appropriate and proportionate to the threat. It follows then that womb twin survivors are more likely to be unnecessarily aggressive - even the people who are afraid to express anger for fear of the consequences.


Passive-aggressive
If I get really upset and explode, I can’t help saying the first thing that comes into my head. This is why I try very hard not to let my anger out.
If you have to suppress your anger to avoid dangerous consequences, you must wait passively for someone else to express it for you. If you are so passive that you are transmogrified into a useless lump, someone is very likely to get irritated by your lack of enthusiasm. They will probably complain, possibly angrily and at some length.
This is a very subtle and clever way to manipulate another person into expressing your anger for you. That way they can take the rap, not you. Meanwhile, you have acted just like your wombtwin, who after a brief time of intense activity was indeed a dead and useless lump!
Martinet
I have an inordinate need for things to occur in a specific way, at a specific time, in a specific sequence, etc. It’s not at all creative, but I "expect" things all the time. If things don’t turn out as I expect, I feel let down and get upset. Then I start shouting and sorting the situation out. Of course, I expect order to be restored without delay!
If you have such a need to control the world and the people in it to such an extent, you must be afraid of something. I guess you are threatened by the idea of degeneration into chaos, and you use your anger to restore order once more. Many womb twin survivors are afraid of disintegration and things falling into decay, because that is what happened to their womb twin. This is what makes chaos so threatening and this is why anger feels totally appropriate.
Righteous anger
If you are busy trying to use aggression to keep chaos at bay or getting someone else to express your anger for you, you may miss those moments when anger is the appropriate response. Many wombtwin survivors seem to put their anger in the wrong place, such as turning it on themselves if they fail or lose something precious.
Part of your healing work this month may be to think hard about the way you get angry and carry out a “reality check” on how you are feeling. If your anger is creative, you will use it to change things for the better for all concerned. If your anger is loving, you will use it to defend the weak, correct wrongdoing and further the cause of justice. If your anger is kind, it will be used to help, using firmness and determination rather than noise and violence.
Other people’s anger
If your anger is completely yours, then it is yours to command and control. Wombtwin survivors are very empathetic and tend to pick up on other people’s feelings. If you do this, notice how you control it. If it is very hard to control, then it is probably someone else’s.
Work our whose it is and give it back, by saying: “I think you are very angry about that” in the most ordinary, non-aggressive voice you can muster. The usual effect is or the anger to be hotly denied- which is a start!
Womb twin survivors can carry the burden of other people’s anger for years, without being aware of it. This will probably become clear as you let other people help you to discover if this is what you are doing.

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