Saturday, August 06, 2011

Parent/child co-dependency

I have been discussing a difficult mother with a womb twin survivor.  This mother blames her daughter, who is a sole surviving twin, for the loss of the other. The second child, a girl, was stillborn.

In a co-dependent relationship there is a coalescence of  two  "Dreams of the womb."   In one individual, be it parent or child, there is a lost twin, which provided as a primary experience the closest bond in nature. In the parent/child relationship that lost bond can be restored. Meanwhile in the other there is another lost twin bond, also met in relationship to the other.

But here is the tragedy of parent/child co dependency, and it is three fold:

1. The original womb story, where the twin was only there for a brief period, is part of the restoration of the lost twin bond by this new co-dependent relationship - it  is unlikely to continue for long. Both individuals become anxious if there is any sign that the bond is breaking in any way and the dependency becomes absolute.

2. As the claustrophobic  nature of the relationship becomes stifling, at least one of the parties will attempt to break away, thus reenacting their respective Black Holes, where pain reverberates endlessly, unresolved. This problem can only be resolved by a painful parting, so eventually both parties are left wounded and alone and the reenactment of the Dream is complete.

3. In this co dependent relationship neither party can be whole in relation to the other - each party remains unseen as a separate individual and loses their sense of identity, for to become another person's lost twin is not be oneself.

With an understanding of how the Dream of the Womb is reenacted in intimate relationships, the distinct identity of each individual can be recognised and restored and a new relationship of mutual respect can be created. Without that understanding we have sad situations where parents and their children cease to relate to each other in any way, in order for both parties to maintain their own sense of individuality. This is a terrible tragedy that can break up entire families, but which can be healed by an understanding of the Womb Twin hypothesis.

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