Thursday, September 08, 2011

MZ womb twin survivors - the road to healing

A healing path for a MZ womb twin survivor

Find a responsive relationship

You have been searching for yourself, as you naturally would, in terms of a dying, unresponsive Someone. The healing is to find yourself a living very responsive other person, who is prepared to tell you the truth about yourself in an atmosphere of love and respect. In those responses you may begin to see yourself as others see you.

Find the space

You have cluttered your life with anxiety about unfinished business; musts and shoulds, things, possessions, mess, guilt trips. All these projects steal energy and leave you too exhausted and confused to know what to do for the best. The second healing task is to let go of the clutter and stand alone and unguarded in the silent, empty space that is left. A terrifying thought - for there is the truth: you have been wasting your life energy by actively filling up the empty spaces in your life. I believe that you are trying to remember the time when a large and un-yeilding Someone occupied far too much space in the womb that ought to have been yours.

Evict the Someone

I believe that the deep imprint of the unresponsive Someone in the womb is like a brooding presence in your mind that touches everything in your life. It is as if you have had a lodger in your house who stayed for so long he has become part of the furniture. In fact, you can't remember a time when the Someone wasn't there. It's time you evicted your Someone from your mind. Let them move out and then you can claim your space. The place will seem empty without your twin, but think of all the rich potential in the space he or she has left you! It is in this space that your healing lies.

Release the vacuum

It follows that for you the third task is to consider what ought to be in that space in your life that you have never allowed yourself to own. It has been a place in your heart with all the joy and fulfillment sucked out of it, creating a vacuum. If you open your mind and choose to let the vacuum be released, the air can rush in and bring with it richness, diversity, complexity, mystery, wonder and simple joy in living. Don't worry about what you are going to do with this new-found space: the vacuum is crying out to be filled and the air is always ready to rush in. There is nothing that you need to chose, do or decide: just let go and live.

Stop looking

It is clear that the next task would be to stop searching for yourself and needing all that constant reassurance about whether you really exist in the eyes of others. This is extremely exhausting and a complete wast of energy for both you and the people you prevail upon constantly for reassurance. You have been on a fruitless journey in search of yourself. You are found: in fact, you were never lost. This journey to nowhere has used lots of energy that would be better employed in other ways. Wherever you happen to be on your life journey is the place where you need to be, and however far you wander, you will be no nearer or further from yourself. If you were to stop the search NOW that would release a while lot of life energy. So why not?

Start a life of true love

The final stage will take the rest of your life. It is about understanding life in a new way: in terms of love. What matters most is not who you are, but how much you love and how you love. If you dare to risk entering wholeheartedly into open relationships of love and trust with other people then you will discover the real meaning of creative joy: any two people in a loving and creative relationship produce far more than the sun of the parts. Instead of being "half a person" and seeking out your "other half" so you can become one whole between you, try being whole and entire and being with another whole and entire person in a loving relationship of equal sharing.

That does not merely make two halves into one whole. It makes two whole people into something far greater than that.

Tomorrow we will begin to explore what is it like to be a dizygotic survivor. 
If you are a DZ womb twin survivor, come with me over the next week or so, and lets see what we can discover......... 

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