He lives a life of self sabotage, yet he survives because he knows he is the Alpha Survivor and superior to all other beings in the Dream of the womb wherein he lives.....
So, no matter what serendipity, what lucky circumstance, what blessing I shall receive - I will always strive with blind fury to deflect them, to deform, to ruin. And being the talented person that I am - I will succeed spectacularly.
I have lived in fairy tales come true all my life. I was adopted by a billionaire, an admiring student of mine became Minister of Finance and summoned me to his side, I was given millions to invest and have been the subject of many other miracles - but I was and am intent on bringing myself to biblical destitution and devastation.
Perhaps in this - in the belief that I have the omnipotence to conspire against a universe that constantly smiles upon me - lies the real magic of my thinking. The day I stop resisting my endowments and my good fortune is the day I die.
He imagines that its all to do with his mother (a common belief held by many narcissistic people and even the therapists who try to help them.) He writes:
She - and other role models that substituted for her in later life - insisted with a vengeance that I was corrupt and vain and empty. My life is a continuous effort to prove them right.But he clearly knows that his life of self sabotage is a free choice, made consciously. Sadly, despite my own efforts to explain why he is as he is, he continues to write copious notes about himself in a burgeoning collection of web sites (a search of his name gets over 300,000 hits) he took no notice. Of course he has absolutely no desire to change or to heal.
We know that narcissism is a choice: ( this from a personality disorders web site)
The preferred theory seems to be that narcissism is caused by very early affective deprivation, yet the clinical material tends to describe narcissists as unwilling rather than unable, thus treating narcissistic behaviors as volitional -- that is, narcissism is termed a personality disorder, but it tends to be discussed as a character disorder.I say that narcissism is indeed a choice, in the same way as the self sabotage practiced by all womb twin survivors is a chosen way to keep the Dream alive.
Remember that womb twin survivors do go to extraordinary lengths to keep the Dream live, for in the Dream is the twin they long for, all their life long......