Sunday, April 01, 2012

Womb twin story: I found my twin in a dream

Around the age of 10 years I spoke with my mother one afternoon about a common dream/nightmare which I had from time to time as a little boy. It was always the same dream/nightmare. I was in a dark place - a sort of a round room. Unexpectedly the room opened at one place and something large came into the room through the opening. It moved around inside the space. Something inside me sensed that it was dangerous. I managed to escape from it by plastering myself up on the top (ceiling) of the round space as far away from the thing as I could. Then whatever it was withdrew from the space and the opening closed and it was dark and safe once more.

It was only when I told her of this that my mother decided it was time to tell me about what happened. She told me that she had found out that she was pregnant, but that at some stage she had been in contact with someone with German Measles. I understand that she and my father became concerned that any baby in my mother's womb might be born with some physical defect as apparently was a risk where German Measles had occurred in the early stages of a pregnancy.

After the abortion - which determined that the dead foetus was female - I continued to develop. The doctors and my mother went through considerable anxiety and distress - having assumed that the continued developing lump could not have been a child and, accordingly was something else - eg a cancerous growth. It was not until late in the pregnancy with me that it was determined that my mother did not have cancer and was in fact still pregnant with me.

It now seems all too clear that my birth and life has been a constant reminder to my mother in particular, of her decision and its consequences leading to the death of what was a perfectly healthy little girl. It makes sense of how so often after the age of about 10yrs I found myself seeking out the love and attention of other mums (every one of my girlfriends - a favourite aunt (and uncle) etc).

Interestingly, as a young boy my favourite toy which I played with all the time was a doll which for some reason I was given I think by my mum's parents, and which I called 'Margaret'. I loved her dearly. After many girlfriends where the average length of my relationship was at most measured in months and often fell apart because my girlfriend became concerned that I was getting too close to their mother, I met my wife (Margaret) with whom I have been married now for 30 years.

Would you like to send me your story? I always take out any identifying information, to protect your privacy.

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