Friday, April 13, 2012

Womb twin story: I was told I was deformed

(From a female womb twin survivor)

I come from a family of eight, and knew early on that I was different from my siblings. My father called me the runt of the litter.  My sisters reached puberty no later than 12.  I was 14 before I started to mature. I t was then that I began to notice things about my body.  I was very athletic and was surprised when I realized that my left side had little feeling, was weaker and I had little control of it. This began a lifetime of being told I was deformed.

I have two extra ribs,only four lumbar vertebrae, a deformed right kidney, abnormally small uterus, abnormal right ovary, a tooth in my sinus and my heart is normal but the arteries are turned backward. Doctors throw up their hands as to how to treat me.   It has been so frustrating that I could never get an explanation. If you fit a mould a doctor knows how to treat you, but if you don't, you are treated like a freak.

One day a nurse mentioned to me that I might want to read up on vanishing twins.  Finally something made sense.  I most probably started out as and identical twin and the weaker left side and the weaker deformed organs were my sisters.  I have spoken with several of my doctors and was surprised by the response.

 My OBGYN agreed with the suggestion, and added that I was most probably a mirror twin, due to the fact that outside the left side is the weaker, but inside the right side is the weaker and deformed. For a while I was shocked and unable to talk about it. I have always felt a presence with me and have longed for someone to understand.

I'm over sixty years old and have been married for more than 40 years. We have children and grandchildren, but sometimes I feel so alone. Its as if I can feel where my twin ends and I begin. I'm thankful that I survived, but feel guilty that she didn't.

I have always been super sensitive to other's feelings and know what they are about to say. I was told due that to my problems I might never carry a child. When I became pregnant I was thrilled, but in my first trimester I started to bleed. I was told I was trying to miscarry and put to bed, but made it through and delivered a healthy son. He two has always been sensitive to other's feelings. As a toddler he would know if I was the least bit upset and ask what was wrong.

There are times when I have an unbearable longing to know my child and wonder wonder what he would look like and would he have been just like his brother. I find solace in the fact that one day I will see him and my sister. I often tell him how much I would have loved him, and I tell my sister how sorry I am that she is not here with me.

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