Saturday, December 01, 2012

Womb Twin story - I asked my mom and she said No.

As a child I have told some other kids that I was supposed to be a twin but they died before we were born.  I don't recall why I ever said that, but I did. I even asked my mom if I had a twin and she said no.


 Yet, somehow I just knew that I was a twin and my twin has been taken from me. My childhood memories are painful because of the isolation, depression and bullies that tormented me because of my strange existence.

I had an imaginary friend, Casper, from the lack of true friendship. I would have constant dreams of this guy. He looked so familiar and it was like I knew him. He was always there to protect me and to just "be" with me.


In my dreams there was a feeling of rightness and I knew this was how I was supposed to feel. Alas, I'd awake to me, myself and I. As I grew older, I continued in my depression, feelings of guilt and loneliness. I never knew why I felt this way and the feelings progressed as I continued through out life.

It felt like I was angry at myself and my mom for letting me live. Subconsciously I resented my mom and I felt disgusted when I looked in the mirror. I suffered low self-esteem and harmful behaviors towards myself.

Now at 18, I'm not as bad as I was but the hollow empty feeling remains and my mom has never told me if I am a twin or not.  I suppose it could be possible that she might not have known.Yet, I have these feelings of sureness. Yes, I do have my doubts but behind every doubting moment is the voice of my twin brother telling me that it is the truth.

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3 comments:

  1. This is exactly how I have felt my entire life.

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  2. I relate to this so much, thank you for writing this.

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  3. Finally a wombtwin survivor who also is disgusted to look at him/herself in the mirror, just like me. I thought I was the only one.

    ReplyDelete