As a child I have told some other kids that I was supposed to be a twin
but they died before we were born. I don't recall why I ever said that,
but I did. I even asked my mom if I had a twin and she said no.
Yet,
somehow I just knew that I was a twin and my twin has been taken from
me. My childhood memories are painful because of the isolation,
depression and bullies that tormented me because of my strange
existence.
I had an imaginary friend, Casper, from the lack of true
friendship. I would have constant dreams of this guy. He looked so
familiar and it was like I knew him. He was always there to protect me
and to just "be" with me.
In my dreams there was a feeling of rightness
and I knew this was how I was supposed to feel. Alas, I'd awake to
me, myself and I. As I grew older, I continued in my depression, feelings
of guilt and loneliness. I never knew why I felt this way and the
feelings progressed as I continued through out life.
It felt like I was
angry at myself and my mom for letting me live. Subconsciously I resented
my mom and I felt disgusted when I looked in the mirror. I suffered low
self-esteem and harmful behaviors towards myself.
Now at 18, I'm not as
bad as I was but the hollow empty feeling remains and my mom has never
told me if I am a twin or not. I suppose it could be possible that she
might not have known.Yet, I have these feelings of sureness. Yes, I do
have my doubts but behind every doubting moment is the voice of my twin
brother telling me that it is the truth.
More stories on this page
When a twin dies before birth, the sole survivor needs help and understanding. Womb twin survivors are the sole survivors of a twin or multiple pregnancy. This group, 1 in 10 of the population, includes survivors of a stillbirth, miscarriage, abortion and a "vanishing twin" pregnancy. It is a story of a twin bond broken by death, leaving a lonely survivor.
Important post
Tributes to Althea Hayton
Althea Hayton, founder of Womb Twin, passed away peacefully on August 13 (sorry for the delay in posting this news on the blog). We are all ...
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This is exactly how I have felt my entire life.
ReplyDeleteI relate to this so much, thank you for writing this.
ReplyDeleteFinally a wombtwin survivor who also is disgusted to look at him/herself in the mirror, just like me. I thought I was the only one.
ReplyDelete