Sunday, December 09, 2012

Womb twin story - she knew the death of her womb mates

My mom, apparently, aborted another male fetus about a year after I was born. It is not a far stretch to think there were male fetuses present with me, I had just never considered it before.


 I grew up in emotional 'no-mans-land' that's what I always called it. My siblings are all female. I was always trying to plug myself in somewhere and belong; I often felt that I was a mistake, that my very presence was an annoyance, especially to my mother, who (I felt) often seemed to barely tolerate my presence.

I spent my life trying to make peace with my reason for being. My relationship skills were weak and I often isolated myself from others to prevent conflict.

I developed fears and anxieties in dealing with my adult world. Many years of school teaching did not fill the void in my heart.

I married later in life and have struggled (successfully, mostly) to be a loving wife and mom to three step children. And still the hollow in my heart did not fill, till my therapist, last Friday, told me I had witnessed the death of my womb -mates.

I felt their pain. Now I feel their joy in knowing that I am aware of them. I can, finally, move more richly into my here and now; I am not alone anymore.

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