Chapter 17: An unusual person

Out of the ordinary
Womb twin survivors comprise only about 10% of the population, so it stands to reason that they will appear to be out of the ordinary.

I feel different from other people
It is not easy feeling different. As a newly-aware womb twin survivor, you may have returned home from a workshop or therapy session, full of relief that at last your psychological problems have been explained, only to have this amazing new idea dismissed as “nonsense.”
Prenatal psychology is not yet widely accepted as a science.  Some therapists and mental health professionals may assume that the idea of being a womb twin survivor is at best another ingredient in a pre-existing weirdness of character.  At worst, they may call it a delusion.

Paula: always considered weird
All through her childhood, Paula was called “weird.”  The other children at school avoided her.  Her parents just looked baffled and didn’t seem to understand her at all.  She had few friends as a result. She felt guilty for being so different but wondered why she had to change for the sake of others. 

You may have close friends but it is necessary to put on a false face and keep private your strange, secret feelings.  You may have learned how to conform to every nuance of human behaviour in your peer group; always fitting in like a chameleon.  If that is how you live, then your idea of a successful day is one when you feel accepted.  Your strange, secret feelings may seem to defy explanation and grow out of all proportion into what seems to be a “Shadow.”  It may be possible to “drown” your feelings in constant activity.  However, as soon as there is some quiet space, the feelings immediately surface and the sense of “being different” is at its greatest.

Some womb twin survivors make a point of being different. They defiantly proclaim their individuality through dress, manner and beliefs.  They cultivate eccentricity.  If you are deliberately eccentric as a way to proclaiming to the world who you are, then this could be a reflection of your pre-birth story.  If your twin, the other half of you, was opposite to you in every way, then that mismatch may be reflected in every part of your life.  For example, your twin may have developed in some strange way, quite differently from yourself, and that difference was incompatible with life.  In that case, difference itself would be a major emotional issue.  It would be very important to be different and still be found acceptable.

I am paranoid
Paranoia is another side to hypersensitivity.  In this case it is an acute sensitivity to rebuff, a tendency to misconstrue the motives of others as hostile, to bear grudges, to be suspicious and assume that one is constantly “under threat.”  Paranoia is paradoxical.  It seems to be associated with a sense of utter vulnerability and helplessness, but paranoid behaviour is essentially defensive. It’s a powerful feeling, arising out of a sense of powerlessness.


Tony: Enraged by inconvenience
Tony feels inwardly so vulnerable that he is acutely concerned with his personal welfare.  He becomes enraged if he experiences the mildest form of inconvenience.  A delayed train is seen as a personal slight. 

Paranoia is essentially self-centred.  If you are paranoid yourself, it probably feels to you like a perfectly justifiable form of self-protective anxiety.  Even so, deep down, you are probably aware that it is self-inflicted.



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