This chapter will explore what feelings are in your Black Hole, how you created it, why you remain in it and how you can begin to find your way out.
The feelings in your Black Hole
The feelings in your Black Hole will take various forms, according to the details of your personal womb story and whether or not your twin was capable of response.
The death of a responsive womb twin
If your womb twin was responsive and then was lost, the pain is in the loss. If this is your story, you have something deep in your mind and soul that is about despair, shame, death, grief and pain. This complex of painful feelings is an integral part of your inner self. However hard you try, it does not heal.
The death of an unresponsive womb twin
If your womb twin remained with you but was unresponsive, the pain in your Black Hole arises out of a frustrated desire for connection. This feels more like resentment than pain. Beneath the resentment lies a terrible sadness, a sense of lack. You have probably adapted to this feeling by deciding that you need nothing and no one.
How you created your own Black Hole
Healing will only begin when you are ready to stop rushing about, looking for different kinds of anaesthetic and using it to forget your inner pain. Only then will you discover that it is self-inflicted and you are the author of your own misfortune. You have built your own Black Hole out of these painful memories and only you can change them.
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When a twin dies before birth, the sole survivor needs help and understanding. Womb twin survivors are the sole survivors of a twin or multiple pregnancy. This group, 1 in 10 of the population, includes survivors of a stillbirth, miscarriage, abortion and a "vanishing twin" pregnancy. It is a story of a twin bond broken by death, leaving a lonely survivor.
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